Y/N and the Avengers

Still (a)part

Bucky had left and wanted to talk to Tony and Bruce if there was a possibility that Hydra could still contact you in any way.
Meanwhile, you waited for him and trained a little. Doing so you remembered the Hydra facility and that you had beaten every one of the soldiers. No wonder your boss wanted you so badly. On the other hand, you also remembered training with Natasha and Clint and smiled. "Who are you thinking of?", Clint asked after he came in. "You and Nat." "Me? Sure you think about Nat. But me?" "Yeah, you know. Training." He giggled. "I wonder who would win if we'd do a little session now." "Me, for sure." "I don't think so but I will let you stay in your dream." You both laughed. "So... how are things going? How's your family?", you asked and he hesitated.
"It's okay", he said and shrugged, but you knew there was something he didn't want to tell you. "How are you?", he asked fast so you couldn't get into it. "It could be better. But... I manage, I guess." "That's good. Do you..."
Clint was unsure if he should ask or not but decided to do so: "remember anything? About... last time with Hydra." His wording sounded weird to you, what was he hiding? You took a deep breath.
"Well... I... I'm sorry for hurting you." "Don't worry about that, you didn't do much to me. It was my own fault, could have been more cautious. But do you remember anything else?" You raised your eyebrow. "I remember hurting Nat and then Tony and Peter were there. And then Bruce. After that, I woke up here." Clint nodded.

Hydra had captured you and you didn't know what to do. You knew you needed help and you knew the Avengers wouldn't get you soon, so you had to think about what to do now, even though they made you crazy with their tortures.
Your best idea was to enter someone's dreams and since you knew about most of the team having nightmares, you hoped that Clint would understand and help you.
While the Hydra procedures you tried to "fly away" with your ability into Clint's dreams and eventually were successful. It was giving you hope and strength to not succumb to their brainwashing.
But Clint didn't come.
He didn't understand so you begged him to come.
But he didn't.
Your energy was getting low, everything was blending so you just hoped that Clint would receive your message anyways.
But he didn't answer you and no one came. There was no energy left in your body and you succumbed to Hydras process.
After a while, you wanted to try one last time. When you had entered his dream he looked sad but you wanted to tell him what was going through your mind, at least a bit of it. You were angry and desperate, sad and lost and you needed to let it out. It was too much to handle and you realized again that they wouldn't come for you. You succumbed and cried. "What's wrong?", Clint asked. "Am I not worthy enough to be saved? Not good enough? I know I am bad and I... I should have never entered the team and I should have just been gone earlier and... Oh, god, I am so stupid and shit and...", you sighed, "Clint I'm sorry I didn't take enough care and that I put every one of you in danger. I'm so sorry for all my mistakes and I am sorry for... for not being able to hold on anymore. I tried. I really did... But Hydra is getting to me, I'm losing my mind... I guess I deserve it... paying my sins and all that... I am just so sorry. About everything. I hope your lives are good and becoming even better. I still love you guys. I... I just can't anymore... I just wanted to tell you that. I won't come back again, I suppose. But I don't think they will kill me either... But I just can't anymore... I am so done... I am so tired... So tired... I'm sorry."

"Y/n, hey, what's wrong?" Clint waited but you didn't respond. "Y/n! Y/n, hey!", he said louder. He noticed your watery eyes and the way you looked done. Done with everything.
"Y/n..." Your eyes weren't focused but you were looking at Clint without realizing it.
After a while, they focused on his eyes and he noticed, pulling you into a hug right away.
"Why didn't you come...?", you asked quietly, "Why was no one looking out for me...? Why...", your sobs didn't let you continue and you gave up.
"I'm so sorry... I wasn't sure if it's you or not... and the team said it's because I felt guilty... guilty for losing you... I should have trusted my gut, I'm so sorry", Clint explained. "They were... they..." "I know... you had shared it with me... Hydra did some horrible things to you... I am so sorry..."
Your crying got heavy and you were breathing so badly that Clint got worried about it. He tried to calm you down but was unsuccessful.
"Y/n, please watch your breathing", he added. You tried your best but failed every time. "No one... came... no one..." "I'm so sorry, y/n..." You got dizzy and your legs betrayed you but Clint caught you just in time, helping you to sit down safely. It hurt him seeing you like that and the fact that it was his fault you had to go through this. If he would have understood, he could have saved you. But he didn't.
"Take it easy, okay? And don't forget to drink something..." You looked at him and cried even more because the simple task of drinking something was impossible for you. "I'm sorry...", he said with a broken voice and left the room.
You screamed because of all the pain you were feeling and Bucky rushed in.
"What's wrong, y/n? What happened?" But you didn't answer him. "Alright, doll...", he said and lifted you up and lay you on your bed. He lifted your head a little, sat down and put it on his lap. Bucky stroked through your hair softly which calmed you down after a while.