Y/N and the Avengers

The letter

Your feelings were haunting you, the environment being one you didn't want to be a part of. Knowing these thoughts and feelings were dangerous, you called your boyfriend several times until he picked up: "What is it?" He was annoyed and you heard him playing a video game, cursing at one of the other players. "I... I need you. Do you have time soon...?", you asked hesitantly, it was difficult for you to seek help.
"It will take a while", he said, his voice a bit away, you were clearly on speaker. "How long?", you asked and a sob escaped your mouth. "Are you crying because of that one guy again? Bucket or what he was called?" "His name was Bucky...", you whispered and your voice was full of pain, "but it's not just about him. I just need you... Can I come over?" "Yeah, later. I'll let you know", he said and you thanked him. Because you heard nothing else except huffing and cursing for a while, you hung up.
Sighing you let yourself drop on your bed and stared at the ceiling, the tears rolling over your face and dropping on your bedsheets.

You remembered the way he died, the way you turned around to look at him and he smiled at you, calling out for an enemy who rushed to you.
After you fought him you turned around again but now his face was one in shock, his eyes blank and he dropped to the floor. Fast you ran over to him, holding his limp body and screaming. There was nothing anyone could have done, the round bloody wound on his head and his eyes which were looking into the void made it clear that he was dead.
You checked his pulse anyways just to notice that there was none to be found. Your powers got out of control and everyone close to 15m felt the same pain you felt so they stopped fighting and got down on their knees, some of your team included. Everybody who came into the radius got affected as well, but bullets had no feelings. So some of the enemies stayed outside the radius and shot your affected teammates:
Steve Rogers. Peter Parker. Tony Stark.
They dropped dead to the ground just like Bucky did. 

Taking a deep breath, and not being able to hold it in any longer, you checked your phone but there was no message even though it had been four hours.
Not wanting to call again, you messaged him: "Hey, I really need you. I need some distraction, can we do something? Play a game together or watch a movie? Just anything to get my mind off the things running through it..." "It's already late, let's do it another time. I'm playing one more match and will go to bed then", he replied. "But... you said you'd tell me when you've finished, I told you I need you. Please..." "Yeah, and I haven't finished. But I will after this match but it's late." "Please, just for a bit..."
He didn't answer for a while and you figured he might want to finish his match first, then he called you: "Babe, look. I love you, but I need sleep." "I get that, but I am in a really bad place right now and I'd just like to spend some time with you to get my head off of it. And I even told you hours ago about it... You're playing your game every day, you spend every minute with it, and we barely see each other... And right now I just like to be with you, not be alone with my thoughts..." "What are your thoughts then?", he asked a hint of annoyance swinging by. "I just think I'd be better off... dead... And I just need some distraction from it to not do anything bad. Just some... distraction and comfort..." "If you want to die, I can't stop you anyways", he said blatantly and you muted yourself, your crying getting heavy and it got difficult to breathe.
It wasn't like he tried to say anything else nor that he was waiting for a reply, he was probably just either playing something else or watching TV.
"Sure... I'll let you do your thing then...", you said and you both hung up. You began crying and screaming into your pillow.

"Y/n, you have to wake up, it's alright. Nothing happened to us."
You opened your eyes, your mind was still in your dream, your face wet and your throat hurt.
Getting up, not realizing you weren't alone in the room, you wanted to walk over to the shelf, but Bucky got in your way fast, blocking the drawer with the knives they wanted to remove the whole time but didn't yet.
"Y/n, no. Hey, I'm here, I'm alive", he said assuring but you shook your head. "You died... they all died", you said and your crying got heavier. "But I'm standing in front of you, don't I?" "I... held you... your body..." "It was a dream, doll", he said with a soft smile. "You are a dream... I have to... I need to...", you said and tried to get to the shelf. "Look at me", he said but you didn't so he put your chin up with his finger.
"See? A dream couldn't do that. It was a nightmare, doll. Look around, we're in the tower."
Just now you looked around and realized he was right.
"You're not dead...", you stated low. "No, doll. I'm here with you, in your room." You grabbed his right arm, shook your head and rubbed your eyes right after.
"It felt so real..." you whispered and he hugged you. "But it was just a dream, okay?" "Yeah... just a dream... But... my ex was in there. He used to be like that... It just felt like it felt back then."
The pain came back, the feeling of being unimportant and getting used.
"I should have...", you stopped yourself and a sob came out instead. "What, doll?" "I... I tried. I really did... But maybe I should have... stopped. So long ago, so much would have just... stopped." He knew what you were talking about, he had heard you talk in your sleep, heard you cry and scream that you should just die and were a burden to everyone. "Sorry", you said right away before he could start, "I think I just need to wake up a bit more and get rid of the feelings that belong to the dream." "It's okay, doll. I'm here, okay? Take your time to get used to the fact that you are loved and not alone anymore. And if it helps you, I could make a little trip to wherever your ex lives and give him a little hug with my left hand and his face." You chuckled and nodded.
"Yeah, that would be great...", you said sleepy, and felt his warmth finally reaching you. Your eyes as well as your body felt heavy and when you were about to drop you stopped yourself with Bucky's help.
"What's wrong?", he asked worried and you laughed sleepy. "I just... I fell asleep for a second I suppose", you said and you both laughed. "Do you want to sleep a little more?", he asked and was about to get back to bed but you stopped him and shook your head. "No, I want to get up. I'm scared of my next dream." He nodded understanding and asked: "Do you want to change and grab some breakfast?" You nodded with a smile and walked over to the cupboard.
"Anything in mind?", he asked from the bathroom with the door open. "I'd die for a Vanilla Latte...", you sighed dramatically and you heard Bucky chuckle.