Tug of War : Brain VS Heart

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Why are you smiling like loon ? "  his childhood friend asked, while depositing his bag at the study table. After dumping the bag like a sack of potato, he crashed on Viren's  bed, sprawling face down.
Viren smiled remembering their banter in class
"Ayansh is my friend now. I am happy"

Amrit frowned, tipping his head back, he threw a confused glance at Viren " How do you know that he is your friend now ? He said it ? "

No he didn't.  But Vir knew it, he felt somehow sure of it.
It has been three whole days since Ayansh haven't even once uttered a single 'f-word' in their conversation. He even gives Viren a small smile as greeting. And important of all things — He brought a cold coffee for Viren! Exactly like he likes it .
That means Ayansh had finally considered him a friend right ?

He had seen Ayansh only bringing coffee or any edible thing for Kunal. Also, Ayansh wasn't snapping his book shut when Viren lost track of professor's dictation and tried to peak at his notes.

"I have carefully observed his behavior and expressions. Its the most logical conclusion.." Viren answered, still smiling.

" That's good dude. " Amrit answered nonchalant, he turned on his back and outstretched his hand . " Give me your mech assignment, let me copy your answer of last question. Rest I have done." Amrit's hand readily reached for his notes.

Viren's blissful expression  instantly turned sour. " No " He snatched his notes back.
" Go, take it from Ayansh " Viren answered.
" It only costs thirty rupee and he had it derived by four different methods , you can any copy one. "
" Dude ? " Amrit frowned, his mop of curly hair falling in his eyes   " I can buy a breakfast for twenty bucks. "

" I will buy you breakfast tomorrow. " Viren declared. " But buy answers from Ayansh. I won't harm his business. "

" Dude , I am your friend too " Amrit whined.

" And you can afford thirty bucks if you don't want to find your own answers " Viren retorted.

" Viren , I understand  that you think he is your friend. But you won't do him harm by letting me copy your answer, just because he sells solutions. His business isn't even ethical or legal ! "

Viren made a face.
" Neither is being lazy and copying assignments off of others. He is atleast benefiting off of it " he answered. " I want to see him benefit "

" I swear I will buy answers from him next time. Please let me copy this time " Amrit pleaded.

" Nope " Viren sprawled beside Amrit “ and stop hogging my bed . I wanna sleep “

" Dude , his dorm is on the opposite side ! " Amrit whined " please..."

" I will accompany you ..." Viren declared, picking up his keys, mobile and a chilled bottle of lassi from his fridge, he dragged Amrit with him.

" Dude... I am your childhood friend and he is more important for you ? " Amrit whined,giving puppy eyes. 

Viren ignored his whining. He wanted to see Ayansh and Amrit was perfect excuse.

.........

When they knocked at Ayansh's door, the said man opened it bare chested, only a towel wrapped at his hip, a frown adorning his gorgeous face.

" He needs to buy answers " Viren pushed Amrit forward, the tall male's nose almost would have bumped the door if Ayansh wouldn’t have opened it wide just in time.

" Its 11 fucking PM. " Ayansh grumbled. “ Couldn’t it wait for the next day? Deadline isn’t even anywhere near the whole week.”

Unaware of Ayansh's grumbling, Viren's gaze was stuck at his torso, stray water droplets still clinging to toned muscles wet from the shower.
" Nice  body " Viren mumbled in appreciation.  “ You must hit gym regularly” his gaze traveled down at the Knot of towel secured just below the bellybutton, a sharp pain pulled his gaze back to Ayan's face.

Ayansh had clipped back of Viren's head
" Eyes up, Viren " he chided.
Reprimanded, Viren instantly averted his eyes.

" Which answer do you want Amrit ? " Ayansh asked .

" Last one " Amrit answered.

Nodding, Ayansh turned his back towards them and started searching something perhaps the file from his bookshelf.
Viren couldn't help but stare at the broad back at display. Muscles flexed like well oiled gears, amazing Viren while Ayansh was occupied otherwise which only gave Viren more to appreciate.

"Viren!  " Amrit kicked his leg " Don't stare if you don't want Ayansh to knock your teeth down" he chided in whispers. " he already warned you once.

" I am not staring " Viren replied , eyes still glued to Ayansh's back.

" Pray tell me what are you doing now? " Amrit whispered scandalized.

" Appreciating. He has a nice body. " Viren whispered back. Taking a step ahead towards Ayansh, as if in a trance.

Seeing Viren is again missing social cue, Amrit tripped him, which made Viren loose balance, he twisted his ankle.

" Ouch " Viren tried to stand up, but sharp pain shooting in his ankle every time he tried to do so, didn't let him stand.

He glared at Amrit " Why did you do that?"

" What happened ? " Ayansh was kneeling at his side now.

" He twisted my ankle . " Viren complained. Glaring at Amrit.

Ayansh too glared at Amrit " What the fuck is wrong with you ? "

" I...didn't do it " Amrit stuttered.

" Don't lie " Viren and Ayansh glared at Amrit in unison. Amrit took a step back, clearly patronized.

" Dude, I didn't mean to do it. I just tried to make him stop staring at you. You see he doesn't understand social protocols —" Amrit was trying to explain both his and Viren's behavior but Ayansh cut him off.

" It was matter between my body and his eyes. If I had a problem with it , I am fully capable of dealing with him, Mr. Amrit. " Ayansh chided " Do refrain from taking decision on Viren's  behalf in future "

" I am sorry...I didn't mean it ..." Amrit stuttered.

Ayansh stood up in a flash, grabbing a blue file from his desk he handed it to Amrit
" one method twenty-five rupee . Be back within 30 minutes .And this is my assignment file , not the rough sheet for business. If I see a single mark , you know what will happen.... "

Nodding, Amrit took the file and he squatted beside Viren " I will help you stand up....

Again he was cut off by Ayansh " You have done enough helping, thank you very much. " Ayansh replied sarcastically. 

" Be back in 30. " Seeing Amrit's horrified expression, he added "Don't worry, although he is of my taste. I won't eat your friend. " Ayansh assured, he added in a low voice " unless he wants me to. "

Throwing an unsure glance at Ayansh and apologizing to Viren, Amrit made himself scarce.

Ayansh helped Viren stand up and took him to sit on edge of bed, leg dangling down.

" You sit here, I will be back in a minute. " saying that Ayansh went to his fridge and arranged a quick makeshift ice pack. Grabbing the small white box from bathroom shelf , he returned to Viren's side.

Sitting at Viren's feet, he put it on his towel clothed lap and applied ice pack to the injury.

" I don't see much swelling. Do you want to go to the doctor straight away or wait till morning? "

" Wait . "Viren answered in a word. His mind was stuck at something else. " Why did you assured Amrit that you won't eat me ? Do they suspect you of being a cannibal ?  "

Ayansh laughed " Cannibal...no. Man eater — yes ! "

" So, you prefer only men. "

" I do. " Ayansh nodded, smirking. The double meaning was totally lost on Viren.

" I have read about cannibal tribes. Didn’t know they had  special preferences to gender. Even if you stick to men only, isn't it still cannibalism ? " Viren asked.

" Shouldn't you be worried since you satisfy all the qualities that I want in my man?"

" Nope. " Viren pointed at the neglected lassi bottle sitting on the floor. "I am sure you prefer lassi over meat. I don't think I am in danger zone till I tell you address of the establishment that makes this delicious treat. "

" After that ? "

" I think you are only trying to scare me away. You don't like people much, perhaps that is why " Viren concluded.

" Do you really not understand what I said about being a man eater or are you pretending to be innocent Viren ? " Ayansh asked.

" Sorry, I do not. I am medically unable to process those double meanings you perhaps threw my way. If you want me to understand something , you have to tell me in direct words. No euphemisms. " Viren replied, and Ayansh could read the little lines of insecurity marring Viren's pleasant mood.

" They think I sleep with any men, especially one who are loaded. "

"I don't understand. What is the problem ?  What does anyone have to do with the fact that  You don't like sleeping alone or you like heavy men to sleep with ? Isn't it your own business?  " Viren asked.  " Even I don't like sleeping alone when I am sick. "

Seeing Ayansh stifling a laugh, Viren asked morose " I missed something again, didn't I ? "

" Not heavy per se. Men with heavy pockets. Rich men, Viren. They think I sleep with...I mean have sex with rich man. " Ayansh clarified laughing .

Viren took a pause to think, Ayansh came to like the lip biting Viren was doing. 

" But I am not rich. I do not satisfy one of the qualities then. "  Viren Said after a moment. "

" I didn't take you for a liar. " Ayansh couldn't help but get offended " your clothes, language and  mannerism tells me you are quite rich. Only the price of perfume you wear is my annual budget Viren!. "

Viren laughed humorlessly " Isn't it you, who are prejudiced, Ayansh ? You can bear your own expenses. And I can't afford even a handkerchief or pen with my own money. It's all my dad's. "

Seeing Ayansh silent but judging stare he added " I do recognize that I will not have to struggle much for the opportunity or recognition that my peers will have to struggle for. I certainly have that privilege.
But I am not rich. My dad, my grandpa, my sisters do have money. Even the food I brought you is paid by my father's card . But soon, after graduation, I will buy you meals from my own money. " He vowed.

Ayansh smiled " Are you for real, Viren ? "

" yes " Viren answered , a cute frown of confusion adorning his face. " of course I am real. "

They stayed silent like that. Ayansh applying ice pack and Viren looking intently at Ayansh.

After some time , Viren spoke softly " can you put on a shirt ? "

" Why ? You are bored of my chest already Mr. Vashishtha ? "

" No...I " Viren squirmed " my brain is malfunctioning  " Viren replied " I am getting not so friendly thoughts. And you even said I check all the boxes of men you like to sleep with. I wanted to sleep with you tonight, I don't want to walk all the way and go back to my dorm. But then you said sleeping as in sex...  " He clarified. " and my brain crashed...just put on a shirt please. I don't wanna unintentionally do something that will make you go back to being unfriendly. I like our friendship. I like when you smile at me. I like it when you accept and enjoy the food and drinks without telling me to shove it up my ass , like you used to tell me. I ...please , please...put a shirt on ..." he begged.

Chuckling, Ayansh stood up and slipped on a shirt, without bothering to button it up, the flaps in middle parted like a curtain, offering enticing view of his chest .

" Better ? " Ayansh asked.

" Worse." Viren answered, uneasy and squirming. " button it up please. Thoughts are getting worse. "

" Quite domineering , aren't you Viren?" Ayansh asked buttoning up the shirt , button by button, starting from the lower most button .

" Ugh..." Viren groaned seeing Ayansh's  tease making it worse, he fell on his back on the bed, legs still dangling, eyes tightly shut, he took deep breath to control his breathing and wayward thoughts. This was so not good.

Ayansh is definitely going to curse him till eternity if he knows even inkling of thoughts that Viren has no business thinking.

He was confused. Ayansh is a friend. Amrit is a friend too. But why is it that Ayansh's naked chest are triggering his horny brain cells and Amrit's never do.

Does he like Ayansh ? Have a crush on Ayansh, like he did on Brad Pitt in his school days ? Amrit said it was a crush when you like a person, their looks and body and behavior.

Oh my God! He gasped.  That's the most logical conclusion!
He is having a crush and now Ayansh will crush him if he got to know. And the thoughts of fuming Ayansh are making his stomach feel funny and chest feel light .

What is happening?

" Viren " a gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts and threw him in to deep in the next second that he recognized the voice was Ayansh's. He had never heard Ayansh sounding that soft, he liked gentle Ayansh too.

His brain has crashed. Definitely. There is no other explanation.

" Viren " Ayansh called again.

" hmm " Ayansh hummed, eyes still closed.

" I am applying compression bandage " he heard Ayansh saying. He hummed in reply, not daring to open his eyes lest his brain goes in to overdrive again .

Viren could feel the soft cloth wiping down his feet, Ayansh's  finger running over the arch of his foot, wrapping his foot expertly  in layers of bandage. And this was the exact moment Viren understood why people like blindfolded porn.
Once when he watched it on his friend's recommendation, he didn't understand the appeal. But , this moment became his truth revealing moment, he could divide the timeliness of his understanding of sensory stimuli as before this moment and after this moment.

His brain conjured the thoughts of Ayansh divesting him of his clothes - gently and carefully and with utmost precision as he handled his injured ankle, baring him layer by layer. He could feel Ayansh's nimble fingers running over his bandaged feet, double checking his handiwork. He wanted the touch to continue traveling upwards, to his knees, he wanted to feel those tingles Ayansh's hands were inducing,  all over his body. His eyes flew open... this was bad ...so bad ..

" I am going  back " Viren tried to suddenly stand up, and fell back down on the bed, heel if other leg bumping the bed.

" I want to go back to my dorm " he said clear and firm, slowly supporting his body using his elbow, he sat up .

" Why all of a sudden ? " Ayansh asked " I thought you wanted to sleep here tonight.  Your thoughts are making a return ? " he asked smirking. " even after I buttoned my shirt till my throat ? "

" yes.." Viren answered horrified. " I am sorry.. I don't know how...why it is happening like that. I didn't even think all this when I was crushing on Bradd Pitt. "

Ayansh raised a brow " Is that so? "

Viren clamped his lips tightly and made a zipping motion with his fingers.

" I am honored that I am invoking thoughts that even Brad Pitt couldn't Viren. I am curious now. What are you thinking? Can you tell me Viren ? "

" I ...No. " Viren shook his head.

" Why ? " Ayansh asked. Giving Viren space to collect his thoughts, he walked to his cupboard and took out his extra pillow and comforter along with few bedsheets. Placing pillow under Viren’s head, he piled the comforter and folded bedsheets at the edge of bed and urged Viren to place his injured foot over it.

" You need to keep your foot elevated. This is the best I can arrange right now". He informed. Viren nodded his head in answer but his eyes were still averted from Ayansh.

Changing in to shorts and a tee,  Ayansh Settled in the bed beside Viren , Ayansh covered them with his comforter. " What if it will not affect our friendship. Would you like to tell me then ?

Viren turned his head to look at Ayansh, checking if he was really saying this. " You will still be nice...even after knowing all the filthy things my brain is conjuring right now. "

" What if we are at same wavelength Viren? "

" huh? "

" What if my brain is conjuring same thoughts as yours ? "

" What if they are not same? " Viren answered. " I don't want to lose our friendship. I worked really hard for it. "

"What if they are the same ? You won't know unless you tell me what you are thinking Viren. I promise you , nothing has to change between us. "

" I ..." Viren took a quick gulp of air " I want to  kiss you ..... naked" he was beet red by the end of sentence.

" And would you like to turn your imagination to reality ? " Ayansh asked.

" I—..." Viren stared at Ayansh with his eyes wide open.

" You have ten seconds to answer Viren " Ayansh started counting " Zero, one..."

" Yes, " Viren whispered " Want...want ..I want "

" Then tell your friend you are staying the night.  He can return my file in the morning. "

Viren didn't bother nodding . Sending a quick text to Amrit, he got rid of his mobile and turned to Ayansh .

" Who was initiating the kiss Viren ? " Ayansh asked.

" You ..." Viren answered.

Ayansh inched closer and closer until the space between their faces disappeared, their breath mingled. Viren now knew what do they mean by feeling warmth of someone's gaze, weight of someone's stare.

" Like this ? " Ayansh asked placing quick kiss at corner of his lips.

" here " Viren tapped his lip with his index finger.

" Like this"  Ayansh asked resting his lips atop Viren's .
" Here " Viren tapped his chin, his fingers trailing downwards to underside of his throat, Adam's apple, his clavicle. Ayansh unbuttoned the three buttons of his T-shirt and placed a peck at his collarbone.

" I like your perfume. It doesn't give me headache " Ayansh declared , trailing his fingers  down Viren's arms until he could intertwine his fingers with Viren's.

" I like kissing you." Viren Said,  breathless.

" But you haven't kissed me yet, Viren. " Ayansh complained.

" I must correct my mistake then. " Viren smiled pulling Ayansh atop him. His lips swooped upon Ayansh's  in all eagerness and naiveté.