Tug of War : Brain VS Heart

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Viren was a hungry kisser, that was the only world Ayansh   could describe Viren's kissing as.

He devoured his lips with all the hunger, passion and admiration a famished man has for plate of gourmet food.

There was no poetry in it, no grace  or delicacy. Nor was there any intricate rhythm .
These were the primal instincts, etched deep in their bones, whose all familiar notes have been beating in to mankind's heart since ages. The calling of pure raw hunger were guiding their moments,  taking them through unknown terrain, yet the aim was all known. A singular focus — to sate the hunger coursing through their bloods, driving their hearts, tempting their souls.

With all the eagerness and potential of a novice person, Viren was still trying to find the rhythm, an ounce of familiarity in all uncharted territory he was mapping. 
Sensing Viren losing his breath , Ayansh  broke the kiss. " You have to breathe too , tiger " he chuckled .

Viren nodded. After calming his burning lungs  with few deep inhales, Viren turned to Ayansh  " more " .

Only one word. Said in a tone so conflicting, that it could mean both a pleading or a command. And Ayansh  was happy in both — granting Viren's wish or serving his desire.

He pressed his lips against Viren who immediately reciprocated, mimicking his every action, testing all that he had learnt from their previous kiss. Mirroring him perfectly like a mirror.

It was quite endearing to have Viren follow his lead , lips hesitantly sucking the plump lower lip, tongue gently running over bow of upper lip, fingers eagerly mapping over the curves of his body, shyly dipping down the curve of his back bone, halting as if asking permission to dare to go south.

It was all quite refreshing , the inexperience, the caring nature, the hesitancy,  the shyness— everything and Ayansh  wanted to drown himself in the escatacy he was feeling.

He hasn't been a novice since long, he can even can dare to call himself an expert in pleasuring others. The reminder of his gained expertise always opened a can of worms for him. But in this instance, the bitter after taste was easily drowned under Viren's sweetness, eyes staring at him intently , asking him if he did right.

Smiling, Ayansh  pressed his lips at Viren's forehead , a light touch but endearing gesture he has never been bestowed upon.
Viren must have it — all the gentleness and care and pleasure.

" You were perfect  " he praised.
The answering grin from Viren  must be contagious since Ayansh  found himself grinning even before Viren opened his mouth .
" Nope. Only practice makes the man perfect. "
Ayansh  chuckled " let's practice then. "
Nodding with great vigor, Viren rolled over eagerly, tryjng to be atop Ayansh and knocking his hurt leg on to the edge of the bed, in the process.

" Ouch " Viren yelped, instantly sat up, grimacing, he started rubbing at the injury. It must have hurt like a bitch.

Ayansh  sat with Viren, removing Viren’s  hand and gently rubbing the affected area till the pain subsided.
Later, he helped Viren place his leg on the pile of blanket in a position that he will have some leeway to move.
Viren kept staring at him, lips pressed in thin line, eyes darting from his eyes to lips to his hands.
The lust and passion was suddenly dissipated from air and both their heads suddenly clear.
" Ayansh  ?  " Viren finally asked.
" Hmm..." Ayansh  hummed.
" What are we ? "  Tge million dollar question Ayansh has no answer to. Didn’t even want to find an answer to that question.

Smiling forcefully , " Homo sapiens " Ayansh  provided in a bid to lighten the atmosphere or perhaps change the subject entirely, he really wasn't ready for this conversation.

"But what are we two home sapiens to each other? " Viren asked, brows furrowed in deep thought.

" We can be anything or nothing " Ayansh  answered.

" But we kissed. " Viren supplied " Don't they kiss in the movie when they recognize they are in love ? " Viren asked. " Are you in love with me ? "

Ayansh  remained silent . Was he in love ? He didn't know. And he wasn't ready to listen Viren's  answer. Not the same words again. He can live without them. He can give all that he has to give and accept all that Viren has to give without putting love in to equation...

" They also kiss when it's a one night stand." Ayansh   offered.

" It ends with sex. We only kissed " Viren clarified. " Its not a one night stand. "

" Do you want to have sex and put this night in one night stand category ? " Ayansh asked. If that means no strings attached, he will do it like he had done countless times before. " Nothing has to change between us " he said. Perhaps he was digging a hole for himself , but it was better than falling in to hole dug by others. At least this will be his own fault.

" I want to hold you and sleep and wake up and kiss some more " Viren Said. " I liked kissing you,” his eyes fell to Ayansh's lips “ you have soft lips. "

" And how many pair of lips you have tasted to categorise mine as soft Vashishtha ? " Ayansh   asked, tone tad bit sharper than he wanted to use.

'You are jealous his conscience'  mocked. Beware Ayansh Atrey!

" Two before you . " Viren answered. " Amrit. We were fourteen. I was crushing badly on Bradd Pitt and Ricky Martin.  Amrit said I was gay and I got really angry at generalization of my feelings for my idols. I thought the feelings were specific for those two people. Amrit wanted to taste his theory, he kissed me.” Viren shuddered remembering. “ It was bad ...very bad. We didn't talk for a month and when we did , we decided to erase that kiss from our memory. "
It soothed the sting a tiny bit that Viren didn't say he liked it. He wasn’t enamored with that kiss, didn’t pounce on Amrit like he did on Ayansh. Ayansh filed this tiny bit of information to revel in later .
" And second ? " He asked.

" A local celebrity. Much older than me at that time. I was 17, he was 25. To my drunk mind he resembled like Ricky Martin so I accepted the drink he brought me. We talked  a bit , it somehow led to kissing , I don't remember if his lips were soft but I remember throwing up right after. I was so drunk. Dad was very disappointed in me. "
“Your dad saw you kissing a guy?  How come you aren’t denounced yet ? Papa Vashishtha ain’t all  filmy ‘you must have your dick and lips only  near a boob and pushy ‘ kind of guy? “ Ayansh asked.
“ You are so...” Viren paused , perhaps searching for a word.
“ Crass ? Vulgar? “ Ayansh provided. No matter how much he tried, in moments like these, the mannerism and words of those black hotels of lanes he was brought up in, come back. Since they just bubble underneath the surface, just below the mask of sophistication, the normalcy, he has chosen for himself.
Viren smiled “ You are too direct, there’s no layer of diplomacy.  I like it though. I didn’t have to guess so much, it’s tiring always having to unmask the meanings."
Ayansh nodded. “ So your dad is all accepting if your gay side and all ?”
Viren shrugged “ I dunno. He never spoke against it or supporting it. He didn’t like the fact that I drowned myself in alcohol and wasn’t even aware of my surroundings when he reached the bar. No to mention the underage drinking. Fortunately it didn’t cause headlines. “ Viren smiled remembering “ I got a good dressing down. Haven’t touched alcohol after that moment. “
“ Papa's boy “ Ayansh teased.
Viren nodded proudly “ I am family's boy. Family is most important thing to us. That’s what papa and grandpa has drilled in to all of us since childhood. “ 
The conversation died down, a blanket of silence fell upon them. Viren was casually playing with Ayansh's fingers who kept squirming while his brain raced for anything to keep Viren off topic for at least today.
Ayansh kept searching for words to keep conversation flowing but it wasn't needed because Viren suddenly asked " But we haven't clarified , what are we, Ayansh? "

" Is it so necessary to put what we have in words? "
" Yes " Viren answered " I must know the rules pertaining to our connection — friendship rules or couple rules. I don't want to hurt you unintentionally.  "
" What do you want us to be , Viren ? "

" I want us to be friend.” Viren gripped his hands and intertwined their fingers, slowly filling the gaps between Ayansh's fingers with his. Unknowingly he was also filling the holes in fabric of Ayansh's heart, thread by thread— word by word.
“ I want to hear you complimenting me. I want to kiss you like today and get naked with you. I want to see your sketches. I want to see you smile everyday Ayansh ...I like seeing you smile. I want us to go home someday when you have time, I want you to meet my parents. I am sure they will like you . "

" Whoa....stop! " Ayansh  yelled suddenly " Meeting parents? Dude we are kissing and stuff, we aren't getting married or something...."

Meeting parents was bad. Any parents. Especially rich parents. No parents will want him in their child's life if they knew truth about him.
It was unfortunate that he liked Viren and coincidentally he turned out to be rich. But that doesn't have to mean Ayansh will have to get his heart broken and trampled upon once again.
It was just kissing and sex , right? Sex that they still didn't have. It doesn't have to mean more, Right ? Right ?

" I still have to figure out if I love you like my Dad loves my mom. But it won't be so bad marrying you someday. " Viren Said, musing over the possibility.

Oh this was so bad... the hope and promises of  sparkly fairytale future...

" Stop , Viren. " Ayansh  pleaded " We don't have to put ourselves in to a box . We can be friends and still continue finding pleasure in each other. Kissing or even sex. It doesn't have to mean anything or change anything. It's just two friends liking enough to kiss and do stuff with each other. "

" Okay, If that is what you want, I can go by it ." Viren nodded.
" So rules of friendship apply " he mumbled to himself.

Ayansh wondered if what they said about Viren was true? That Viren had a loose screw in brain — just a creative way to call someone mad. Ayansh shook away the thoughts with a jerk of head and turned to Viren
"Do you want to try another types of kissing ? " Ayansh  asked. He has only ever kniwn one way to drown the inner chaos — to dive in to pleasures of flesh. It momentarily made him forget everything else.

He was probably corrupting Viren or perhaps giving him..he doesn't know. But he wanted it with Virenpib if Viren wishes same.

" What kind of kissing ? "

" I would like to give you something to remember this night by " Ayansh said, trailing his fingers down the slope of Viren's neck.

" Why do you seem to be expert in all kinds of kissing? It doesn't feel like it's new to you . " Viren mused.

" And it's bad ? " Ayansh   asked. Dreading the question that mostly followed after it, and he won't be able to lie. He won't lie and Viren will never see him again after knowing the truth and perhaps he will have to find even a new city and new college.
" No .... I like that” Viren beamed “ at least you know what to do. You aren't slobbering my mouth like Amrit did. I told him he was kissing like my dog kissed me. I just meant he was slobbering me But he slapped me.  That was the reason we didn't talk for a month. "

Ayansh laughed, Viren took calling spade a spade to whole new level.

" I am not kissing like that right ? " Viren asked, eyes resembling a puppy's.

" Nope " Ayansh   assured. " You are doing alright. "

" I want to be perfect " Viren declared. And Ayansh   was glad to help Viren attain the perfection by  becoming the test subject for Viren to practice.
And practice they did, until their lips were swollen, tongues were burning and bodies were high on serotonin. Laughter bubbled up their throats, smiles spilled through their eyes, skins burned with whole new curiosity that will take another day and many nights to be sated.
Dropping a kiss on Ayansh's forehead, Viren settled beside him, his injured leg on a pile of blankets. He slept within minutes and Ayansh was just staring at him, envying him and scolding himself for it.

Since  he never shared sleeping space with other person (except his mother) Ayansh   couldn't sleep at first . He envied openness and trusting nature of Viren who gathered him in his arms planted a kiss and slept straight away, mumbling something about Ayansh being as cuddly and warm. It was several hours in to the night when he could let his guards down and relax and  when he actually slept , it was the best sleep he got in years.