My Way Home Is Through You (Frerard)

Chapter 27

~ A/N I want to apologize before I ever publish this, about the jumping, I want to sort of make clear what's happening and how it's degrading but that means I'm going to be doing a lot of breaks (new days - ***) So I'm apologizing beforehand, hoping you will still read, also TRIGGER WARNING, I notified it, so if you might be triggered, which I might add it's pretty triggering, so please take note, just stop when like it says to I guess, sorry xD ~

"Do you want the baby or not Frank?" Hannah asked getting really pissed off by his point, I couldn't deny I was pretty fucked off too, we had covered this so many times, she seemed to be ignoring me until I gave her exactly the answer she wanted.

"Ye-yes I want the fucking baby." I nodded, it annoyed me that she couldn't seem to understand that the first million times I had said that, "But Gerard doesn't and you-you can't have it." I shrugged, she couldn't I didn't want to just randomly ask some woman to do that and Gerard was clearly much too busy with a pretty young french bitch for a baby.

"That wasn't the goddamn question Frank!" She cried, "Gerard wants the baby just as much as you do." She sighed, everything and everyone had just seemed so stressed and so much harder to deal with since that conversation I had had with Gerard, it was funny how the one thing I had been dying for for five days seemed to spiral out of control and ruin the rest of...everything.

"Right." I nodded sarcastically, that was bullshit and we both knew it, I had completely given up, it had been only two days and I was already done with everything, made all the harder by kyle simply not talking to me most of the time. He just seemed to slip onto his room, do his homework, eat - but only because I forced him - and talk to Gerard, Gerard had apparently redeemed himself and Kyle had completely forgiven him, talking to him for hours until Gerard had to go. Every time the same outcome came from it, Kyle would come and find me, tell me Gerard wanted to talk to me, which of course I refused and then he would come back a minute later "Dad said he loved you and will speak to you soon." Kyle would say, same thing three days in a row, every time I gave the same answer; silence and a roll of my eyes.

"If you both want it, you both miss each other and both love each where's the problem?" She asked clearly very confused, she claimed to have spoken to Gerard, but clearly she hadn't if she really thought he missed me and wanted this baby, because I sure as hell didn't get the impression he did.

"I don't know." I shrugged hoping it might just get rid of her, she had been pestering me for days, it was like she felt it necessary to solve my problems for me, this wasn't a problem that could be solved, this was me giving up on Gerard because he was slowly ripping me apart piece by piece.

"I have to go do something." She smirked slightly, her smile saddening immediately when I looked up, it just made me fearful of exactly what she was planning, honestly I wasn't sure I wanted to know, sometimes that smirk meant she was up to something, something I didn't want to know about.

"Okay." I nodded walking her to the door, smiling as she walked away, I couldn't lie I was relieved she was gone, but I honestly wished I could just close my eyes sleep and never wake up ever.

It really was the worst feeling in the world, I was just so shocked, three days and it had only just sunk in that this was it, I was alone, I was empty, I had nothing to keep me stable, to remind me what was right. But I did have the huge responibilty of an eight year-old child. One thing I had always done was worry, over think, stress, sometimes to the extent of masochism, Gerard had lightened that, he helped that, we so nearly had that fire distinguished, but then the world tumbled down, my world collapsed around me, all I had was Kyle. Carrying on was killing me, all I wanted to do was give up, everything that I saw or thought somehow lead to me dying, maybe years ago the first time, I would've just grabbed a blade, cut that deep or grabbed and rope and strung it around my neck, or downed the pills, if I could I would.