Kirk Ronan: Survivalist

"Futility" November 10, 11, 12th, 1980 Entry 6.

The sun cut through the clouds to grace all with its warmth as so many families reunited. The last time the sun would appear. I could only muster enough energy to hug Bertram and Richard at that moment. I tried hard not to cry. I just wish my wife were here to see this. I wish my son...  I asked the Engines how they ended up here.

It's clear things are getting very dire. We cannot stay here. We could die by bombers or the fog or both. We cannot be safe here. We can make it, but what if we don't? We have to make a decision on what to do if we want to survive. Julie and Harry would. I know they would. James started to take his coaches to be uncoupled in the yard by the shed. Bertram wanted some time for himself with his engines. Me, Richard and William went our own ways. I wonder what he was saying to his engines. My concussion made me very weary, so I decided to find a place to sleep. Walking from the yard and seeing the remaining buildings at Tidmouth was such a blessing in contrast from what came before. People had already set up places to eat and sleep in the gorgeous blonde structures standing against the untouched sandy stone. Most of the sheds were full, and found a spot with the other signalmen. They were joking and playing cards betting with some pieces of fruit, trying to make light of what they have. One of the signalmen, Sam, saw my condition and put down his cards to help me in a spare bed. I thanked him and immediately went to sleep. When I shot up it was 3:30 in the morning. Turned out that I had slept over 24 hours. My head wasn't bleeding anymore. The wrapping around it turned to a colour like that petrifying fog. The signalman including Sam were all fast asleep. A few snored but it didn't bother me. Nothing does. I decided to go and find some food. I left the sheds and walked outside to the cool night air whispering sounds twirling around my body, with the moon high upon the sky, and the stars scattered and painted around it. At Least the moon wasn't alone. I turned right and walked further on to Tidmouth Hault where a few passengers sat with their feet dangling over the rails throwing stones on the ground. The plants were barely watered. Bertram was desperately trying to console a mother who couldn't find her daughter. Even though she was next to her crying. "Mommy! It's ME! I'm Right Here!" They were Will's wife and child. It felt best for me to leave. I don't think I could have helped if I tried. As I turned around I saw Richard sitting on the gravel. "I shouldn't have left him there," He muttered over and over again. Even though many were reunited, There were still some who lost someone, or lost themselves entirely. I began walking back to the buildings. The gravel crunching in a verbose manner with every step I took. Soon I reached them.
The tall street lights illuminated the buildings, road and the tracks as I asked a man on a smoke break where I could find some food.
"You're gonna have to wait" he responded begrudgingly "The chefs ration food out at 7." His cigar sparkled a spectacular orange, and then died out as he exhaled a big cloud of smoke floating along the night. Not to bother man further I saw the engines sleeping soundly in the shed. Except one.
James looked more refreshed since the last time I saw him. He must have gone on the turntable after shunting his coaches off on a siding and sat next to BoCo. He still had those deep gashes in his boiler and his paintwork scuffed. But this James was different from the grumbling one I saw from what seemed like a lifetime ago.

6:30AM:
James is fast asleep, but he isn't making any noise.
I found Richard again and tried to talk about something good, something hopeful. I learned William had a heart attack just before at Tidmouth Hault at 30 minutes before I woke up.
7:00AM:
Finally Some Food! Managed to get some steak eggs and banana bread. Everyone managed to eat eventually. Wonder how that woman is doing.
The brisk cloudy morning was turned into terror as Bombers began flying towards our location. Explosions seemed to cascade on each one before it. People screamed and ran everywhere as if a fox were amongst the chickens. Chaos and death lay before me like a bed laid by death and war. The blonde buildings were shattered and gone, the stone wall crumbled.
Debris flying in a crazed flurry. The screaming ceased.
The torture ceased. My ears were ringing shrilly. The man with the cigarette was lying under rubble with nothing in his eyes, and his head gushed red. No colour sparkled from him.
People were crying as the dust slowly unfolded the scene.
Richard sat on the turntable Rocking back and forth muttering the whole time. The sheds were half gone. Duck, Ben and Oliver were the only ones I could really see, Their eyes staring straight ahead, not blinking once, streaming tears. Bertram was on his knees. I didn't know if he was crying. I could see Sam's legs sticking out from the sheds. The ringing stopped. Everything went dark again.