Hannigram Oneshots

Tension and Testosterone

Will fidgeted with his shoulders absentmindedly. The long nylon straps of his binder got in the way, his hands ran over his shirt and then hit at the fabric and seams underneath. He trailed his fingers along them up his shoulder until he reached his pointy collarbone. He was wearing his go-to baggy blue t-shirt, the one with a tight collar. He sported blue jeans that hit snugly against his waist. The band of them and his boxers created a line of sweat that rubbed at his stomach irritating him. It was a hot July afternoon and Will was extra sweaty, wishing he'd opted for shorts despite the unprofessionalism. After all, Hannibal was Will's therapist, he wasn't the one that had to be professional. Hannibal was the prim man in the suit.

Will was waiting patiently for Hannibal. He was in his office sitting in his chair at his desk. He knew he probably shouldn't but they'd gotten familiar enough with each other that he felt comfortable doing so. He pressed his arms into the armrest, they were deeply cushioned as was the rest of the chair. He spun around in the chair a few times, using his feet to rotate him from left to right. This was good sensory stimuli, something he felt like he hadn't experienced in forever. Will's life had been stressful since he could remember breathing. It was nice to take a break in the silence of a familiar safe silent room. The door creaked open as he spun back to the front of the desk. He saw Hannibal, tall frame, pristine suit, hair slicked back. He had a bright smile on his face.

"Enjoying yourself Will?" he asked. Will blushed for some reason unknown to him.

"Sorry. I-" Hannibal cut him off.

"You do not need to apologize Will. I'm simply teasing."

"Oh sorry. You know I have trouble understanding tones..." he trailed off as if he didn't realize why he was explaining this to his psychiatrist who already knew that.

"Of course Will it's not a big deal. Care to take a seat in one of the other chairs so we can be on level ground?"

"I'd prefer this chair. If that's okay," he said meekly.

"Sure. Whatever makes you more comfortable. This is your session, Will. What would you like to talk about today?" Hannibal went and spun one of the chairs that faced each other so they were facing Will and he sat down. Will rubbed the back of his neck and slid his hand up until he reached the curly hair there. He twisted it, tighter than he probably should have. If he was being honest Will knew he should cut his hair off completely and let it regrow. It was so dry and his split ends were becoming just split hair. But his hair was his most used tool to stim with and he couldn't muster up the willpower to ever cut it.

"I'd like to talk about my testosterone if that's uh okay," Will said, he always felt awkward talking about trans things out loud. No matter how accepting and knowledgeable about these things Hannibal was. It didn't stop him from trying to flinch away from it. Probably due to his father's bad influences. Hannibal perked up in his seat, interest peaked. Will rarely ever brought his transness up in conversation unless prompted. So his response didn't surprise Will.

"Of course. What would you like to discuss?" Will's head twitched a little too hard to the left.

"Uh. Well, I-uhm. So I've started taking testosterone shots recently as you know." Hannibal nodded at him silently signaling acknowledgment of his words and want for him to continue. "It's good. It feels nice. I like the effects it has on me, mostly."

"I can tell. You seem a lot more comfortable in your skin compared to four months ago Will. Also, excuse me if it's inappropriate to point out but you've grown some noticeable facial hair. That's impressive considering how early on you are." Will reached up and touched his jaw, trying to ignore the dull thought shoved in the back of his head of it being Hannibal's hand. He ran his fingers over it, it was scruffy and sparse, but still very visible. He had his dark hair to thank for that.

"Yeah. It makes me feel very euphoric." Will chirped, like a happy child. Hannibal's lips twitched in a slight smile.

"You added a mostly at the end. Are there some side effects your not enjoying Will?" he inquired, eyes curious.

"It's just. Well my night terrors have gotten vastly worse recently and the sweating. I-uh there's just a lot more than I'm used to and I sweat a lot..." Will mumbled his words trailing, a slight blush whisking at his face. "And I uh I guess I was just wondering if that correlated to me taking T?" Hannibal breathed in, loudly.

"The sweating is due to the testosterone no doubt. You sweat heavily before the hormone change as you stated and testosterone can cause changes in how much sweat you produce. As well as the way it smells. That's a normal effect. The night terrors on the other hand..." Hannibal thought for a moment. "That's most likely not due to your HRT. You frequently have them due to the stress of your job and how you handle the outside world at large. It may be caused to some added stress on top of this. Is there something new in your life that's bringing you stress Will?" He thought for a moment, trying to rack his brain. It came up empty.

"I, I don't think so."

"Nothing? It doesn't have to be a noticeable thing. Not necessarily an obvious trigger. Are you sure you can't think of anything new or different in your life recently?" Will knew what it was, he was just dancing over it. He didn't want to tell Hannibal, it was too embarrassing.

"I. Well my uh libido has kinda been raised recently. I assume that's due to the testosterone and normal or whatever. It just uh as someone whose asexual it makes me uncomfortable. As I don't feel connected to those parts as an extension of myself anyways. And I suppose theirs built up tension I'm not letting lose. I guess that could be a trigger?" Will asked. His face burning hot from embarrassment.

"That seems very likely Will. It's a normal thing for your body to be going through. I understand it can be uncomfortable. I don't exactly know how to help you with this. Except with the idea of self-stimulation. I understand you are uncomfortable with that and may not want to partake in such activities. But I can give no other tips besides that I'm afraid. I'm sorry Will." Will's foot was hitting the ground hard and both his legs were shaky.

"I uh yeah. Listen Hannibal I think I'm gonna go home early."

"I understand Will. I apologize if at any point I made you uncomfortable." He excused himself ensuring it wasn't Hannibal's fault. He got in his car and slammed his head against the steering wheel. God. What is wrong with me? Will was sweating like he'd run a marathon and couldn't get Hannibal's words out of his head. He didn't ever talk about his transness around Hannibal for two reasons. One being he didn't like talking about it in general with anyone. The second being he didn't want to embarrass himself around Hannibal. Something he had just done. His fleeing instead of manning up and handling the situation like an adult had only made it worse. What was he going to do at his next appointment? How embarrassing it was going to be. Maybe I'll just skip it. Say I'm sick or something. Of course, Will knew Hannibal wouldn't believe the excuse. It didn't matter. Will just wanted to go home curl into a ball on the floor and disappear. And as he drove off into the Baltimore evening that's exactly what he planned to do.