poems, thoughts, and short stories

going into unknown territory

One moment you are straight, cis, and the perfect Christian girl your parents ever wanted, then in a blink of an eye, you find out that you are asexual. You are open, and when people ask or are misinformed, you try to correct them. Honestly, you feel glad that you never really talked to people because you have a feeling you would have been bullied for it. Then in one breath, you discover that you are a gray romantic and demi girl. You feel happy and scared...what if you're lying to yourself or you are just following a trend....but you feel so glad when you think about people calling you they/them. You are thinking about changing your name....but it would be a hassle...then again, you never really liked your name...but what if your parents don't call you by the name you want...what to do. And you find out you are pansexual and romantic..god feelings are confusing; you think everyone is hot but not in a sexual way, and you want a relationship, but you don't like anyone romantically, and what if you lose feelings...you tend to do that.. your breath...in...hold..out..hold again in...hold...out..hold. You are on earth. You are in your room. Everything is going to be ok. You tell your friends about your discoveries, they support you, and now many things you used to make sense now. You tell your mom she pushes you to like guys and asks if you're gay now. You explain to her for the millionth time that you don't care about gender. If you want someone, then you like them. She finally gets it. You sigh in relief, but you still have a feeling she doesn't like it. She tells you not to disclose your dad and grandparents if you agree. She then outs you to your sister. You are kind of irritated, but you don't say anything about it and let it go. Now you want to date women and non-binaries but are also scared. You close your eyes and try and go to sleep. You are me, and I am you.