A/N: This is canon compliant, somewhere between all the pain and angst. Basically, HuaLian are being domestic boyfriends at Puqi Shrine, but FengQing decide that it is absolutely imperative to protecc their naïve crown prince from the worst villain of the three realms and have him return to Heaven. So, for once, they choose to descend in their undisguised forms. Coincidentally, they both picked the same day to meet XL. Feng Xin and Mu Qing are also terrible at pretending if that wasn't obvious lol.
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(A gentle breeze flows in the countryside, about ten in the morning. Puqi Shrine in the distance looks quiet and peaceful by the lake and the trees. A pair of frogs are croaking rhythmically under the surface of the water, their eyes bulging. A tall man seemingly emerges from a tree at the left. At that same moment, another well-dressed man is seen standing by the tree on the opposite side of the field, his arms folded.
Though looking quite out of place, Feng Xin and Mu Qing have arrived right where they intended. They had reported their planned leave in Heaven together, with no knowledge of the other's actions. Ling Wen had been mildly amused by this, but never said anything.)
Feng Xin: (is stomping towards Puqi Shrine. Stops and notices Mu Qing.)
Mu Qing: (eyes narrowing) ...
Feng Xin: Hmm? Is that...?! (Turns around, aghast.)
Mu Qing: (rolls eyes)
Feng Xin: (touching his temple) Ling Wen? Ling Wen? Do you hear me, Ling Wen? Why is this cow...Ling Wen, I can't hear you. Ling Wen?! LING WEN??!!
Mu Qing: (saunters towards him) Shut up, she won't respond to me either. (Uncrosses his arms and sighs) Why are you here?
Feng Xin: Why are you here?
Mu Qing: I was here first.
Feng Xin: Then why the fuck were you standing there like you had something up your ass?
Mu Qing: (irritated) I could ask you the same question. Why are you marching around in the countryside, looking all gangly and stupid?
(The two start walking towards Puqi Shrine, seemingly unaware of their brisk pace. Feng Xin takes the lead.)
Feng Xin: You're always pissed off like this? No wonder everyone in Heaven dislikes you.
Mu Qing: (walks faster and takes the lead) You're one to talk.
Feng Xin: Do you always talk like that with others too?
(They walk faster)
Mu Qing: Like what?
Feng Xin: Like 'I am General Xuan Zhen, and You are stupid, and This is my palace, and You came from a pile of shit!' (takes the lead) Like that.
Mu Qing: (angrily) You're the one who had started the conversation with that tone! (The two are speed walking now) Also I don't cuss around like you!
Feng Xin: YOU FUCKING- (chest rising and falling, nostrils flaring) Honestly, it comes out just for you!
Mu Qing: (elbows him in the chest) HONESTLY, just say that you're a caveman and go...
Feng Xin: (pulls him to a stop and starts yelling) YOU FUCKING DESERVE THE CUSSING ANYWAY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE OF WORTH THAT HIS HIGHNESS WILL WELCOME YOU?
(Both sprinting and attacking vigorously)
Mu Qing: (pushes back) DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR SUBORDINATE? BESIDES, WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE!!
Feng Xin: (glares at him) THEN WHY ARE WE RUNNING TO HIS HIGHNESS NOW???
Mu Qing: (glares back) GOOD QUESTION!!!
(They stir up a dust cloud running neck to neck, as if in a race to Puqi Shrine. The two men are howling with anger now)
Feng Xin and Mu Qing: I HATE YOUUU!!!
YOU ARE READING
Pickles in a Jar || Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official's Blessing)
FanfictionReally, Feng Xin and Mu Qing have paid a visit to their Crown Prince for his own good. But life's a bitch, and Hua Cheng is also here. ---Warning: Dick jokes--- ---Warning: Lots of dumbassery---
