Forever Manoban (Jenlisa Adaptation)

Chapter 25

There was one piece of my heart that started to heal when she took care of me after my chemo treatment. Now that piece shattered into even more pieces than before. Tears started to sting my eyes as Dr. Lee came back and handed me a bag full of pills.

“Here you go Jennie, you are to take these pills first thing in the morning before you eat, and I am scheduling your first round of injections 2 weeks from today.”

I managed a half-smile as I thanked her and walked out the door. The minute the warm Busan air hit my skin, the tears started to flow. I barely made it home before my legs started to shake. I made it up to my apartment and fell to the floor, sobbing into my hands. A loud knock startled me.

“Jen, its Sehun, open up, I hear you crying.”

I turned around, still on the floor, and reached up and opened the door. Sehun looked down and met me on the floor.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he hugged me. My shoulders moved up and down as I tried to talk.

“I’m pretty sure Lisa gave up on me.”

“Sweetie, you don’t know that for sure,” he pulled me closer. He sat with me on the floor while I cried. “Maybe she just is giving the two of you some space.”

“I don’t know. Jisoo said she’s acting normal. How the fuck can she act normal when I’m a total mess?”

“Girls are different Jen; they don’t wear their heart on their sleeves like men do. Give her some time; I’m sure she’s just as upset but not letting Jisoo know it.” I shook my head and got up from the floor.

“Thanks Sehun, I appreciate it.” He hugged me tight and left to go back to his apartment.

I spent the rest of the day painting a vision I had in my mind of a Cape Cod style house that sat surrounded by grass. I envisioned a short stone wall that went around the property, and an archway that led to steps going down to a small private beach with a boat and a lighthouse. I was going to paint two versions, one day and one night. I had nothing but time on my hands and painting was my escape from this reality, into another with peace and tranquility.

***

I took my 15 pills every morning and every night my body shook for an hour straight. So far, that was the only side effect I had and after what chemo did to me, that was a piece of cake. I occupied the last couple of weeks by absorbing myself into my artwork and spending time with Sehun and Chanyeol. They quickly became my best friends in Busan. Even though I tried to keep myself busy, I thought about Lisa every day and night. Jisoo kept me updated and nothing had changed; she wasn’t doing anything to find me.

The loneliness I felt was beyond anything I ever experienced before. When we were apart in Seoul, I had the comfort of knowing she was in the same city and that we would eventually run into each other; but she’s not here in Busan and the loneliness factor is ten times worse. I checked my email every day hoping she would send me one, but she didn’t and I didn’t because it was obvious she was over me. I would pull her picture up online and put my wrist over my heart. Sometimes just seeing a picture of her eased the pain, but most of the time it made it worse.

In two days I get my first set of injections. I was nervous not knowing what effects it will have on me, so I decided to take the morning and run to the store. I needed to stock up on some things in case I couldn’t leave the apartment. I put on my khaki shorts, a black tank top and a pair of black strappy sandals I picked up on sale when I first moved here. I stopped by Sehun and Chanyeol’s apartment to ask if they needed me to pick up anything; they graciously said no but appreciated the thought. I walked down the street and around the corner to Gukje Market and picked up some things to stock my refrigerator. I took in the warmth of the Busan sun as I headed back to the apartment.