the girl in the corner.

episode 14: insecurities.

suzuki really worried me today.

throughout the entire school day, and even after both of us had returned home, i was still thinking about her. she seemed so down.. so sad.. it honestly broke my heart to see such a sweet and gentle girl this sad, and it broke my heart even more that this sweet and gentle girl is my friend. momoko had definitely said something that upset her.

however much i ask, suzuki won't tell me what momoko told her in the morning. she would just dismiss it and say it wasn't important, and i stopped asking when she told me with a catch in her voice to stop reminding her of momoko. i'd never seen her so upset.

just before i'd dropped her off at home, right at her doorstep, i invited her for a late night walk around the park, just as we do every other day. she agreed enthusiastically, and told me to meet up with her by the gate at one after midnight. i thought that was fine, and i bid her farewell then.

i was now on my way to the park, with a plastic bag of snacks and drinks in my hand. i decided to meet her at her doorstep, so i went there instead. her apartment building was in the direction of the park, so i continued walking the same path, just with a different destination.

in a few minutes, i found myself at her door. i texted her and told her i'm waiting for her outside her house, and she sent me a reply as soon as i sent that message and told me she'll be out in a minute. when she got out in her signature black hoodie and leggings, she greeted me and like that we made our way to the park.

we were talking about any topic that came to mind, and i desperately wanted to know about her situation with momoko, but respecting her wishes, i didn't ask about her. soon enough, we reached the park, and we decided to go to the small lake that was the main attraction of the park.

it was a full moon night, and by these hours the moon would be fully out in the sky. once we reached the lake, suzuki realized that it was a full moon thanks to its reflection on the calm water of the lake. she looked up at the moon, her hood falling off with the lift of her head, as she stared at the moon. while she had her full attention on the moon, my eyes were on her. the moonlight illuminated her face, and her soft but sharp features were enhanced due to the silver light. she looked ethereal.

"the moon looks beautiful tonight, right?" suzuki asked me giddily and turned to me with a smile. i smiled and nodded.

"it does."

"you know, i always liked the moon," she admitted. i remained silent to let her continue. "because it kind of represented me. i thought it was lonely, and so was i. and it had all those craters and holes, they were like my insecurities, you know? but the moon was always beautiful, even with these holes. but one thing different between me and the moon is that it's always beautiful, and i'm.. quite the opposite."

suzuki dropped her eyes to the lake and ended her speech with a dry chuckle. i blinked twice at her and gently spoke to her.

"what are your insecurities? may i know?" i pulled my hand out of my pocket then pulled hers out, intertwining our fingers and stuffing the locked hands into my pocket again. suzuki heaved a shaky sigh.

"i.. never thought i was beautiful, no matter how many times anyone said i was," she revealed, her voice barely audible. "i didn't believe them, i couldn't."

she was always beautiful. i thought so the moment i saw her for the first time.

"not only that, but.. i have an inferiority complex, you know.."

i furrowed my eyebrows at her last sentence. "inferiority complex?"

she nodded. "my family would always praise my twin sister, and they'd always ignore me and only talk to me when needed. i felt like i was a background character. i'm the older twin, but they act like i'm not there and always praise my sister. even my parents. i think it's because she's so outgoing and confident and prettier, and i'm introverted and reserved and in my own world. that's also why i think momoko is better than me."

suzuki paused and sniffled. i never knew she had a twin sister..

"the saddest thing about it is that, we were so close as kids.. and we were so similar, too."

she sighed. i squeezed her hand gently.

"she's everything i want to be," she muttered. "and the worst part is that i never change myself for the better and just... wallow in self pity and drown in my tears. i never do anything to change myself."

at this point, suzuki was full on crying. she was squeezing my hand tightly, as if to find comfort. i sighed and tentatively pulled her into a hug, my hand resting on the back of her head. she let go of the hand she was holding and wrapped her arms around my torso as her head met my chest, and i felt my hoodie dampening with her tears.

"and because of these insecurities.." she started. "i'm blind to every kind of love that anyone gives me. i just think it's fake, or out of pity. i know it's wrong for me to think like that, but i can't help it."

suzuki's speech made me tear up myself. she's such a shattered girl.. but she's so beautiful at the same time. i hugged her tighter and sniffed.

"even mine?"

suzuki's soft cries stopped at my question as she looked up at me with teary eyes. i looked down at her with the same glisten.

"do you think my love for you is fake?"

she seemed flabbergasted at my words.

"suzuki, you're.. you're just so beautiful, you don't know," i whispered, lifting my head to look at the moon. she rested her head on my chest.

"i don't care what anyone says. the first thing i thought when i saw you for the first time was how beautiful you are," i continued. "and you've shown me that you're beautiful inside as well. i won't let you think this way of yourself, suzuki."

she didn't say anything and only hugged me tighter.

"and i don't know your twin sister, but you're just as pretty, maybe even prettier." i paused and licked my lips. "she's not an example of the perfect person. you're your own perfect person, and to me, you're perfect."

suzuki sniffed and released herself from my hug. i turned my eyes from the moon to her and found her smiling at me, a smile that came from her heart. her face was illuminated by the moonlight, and the silver lighting protruded the tears that cascaded down her cheeks. she looked unreal.

"thank you," she said. "i needed that."