Forced Paths

Advance

Sasuke thought that the return back would offer the sense of order he believed he had lost in the two days they were afar. It seemed as everything had went back to normal, like the missing piece of a puzzle that found its place again. Yet somehow it didn't fit anymore. Something had changed and he couldn't understand exactly what it was.
The work was less as things stood in a fragile tranquility in the clan affairs. His father was satisfied, happy even, as the informations that came were boring and unremarkable. His alliance had been successful. Noone seemed to plan anything and he stood above all else not only in power but in wealth to, having Hyuga as a backup. Sasuke believed otherwise. He felt as the calm before the storm but he could not express evidence to support this claim. When he tried to protest, his father dismissed his concerns. He didn't trust the Hyuga, he said angrily, as if Sasuke had insulted him. But nevertheless they were allies and he would have their support. He spoke none of it again. He knew he didn't have the ability to pick the right words to influence his opponent. It was never his strongest quality. His brother had been blessed with that for both of them.
The soldiers he was training had to work together with the farmers in the field. The higher ranks did mostly supervising but the need for hands so the crops not spoil forced his men to participate. It was the first harvest of the year, in the month he was born. Soon the tomatoes would fill the market, along with beans, spinach and cabbages. He didn't participate of course. No matter how many people were needed, his statue exempted from any labor.His work was less, sometimes he would go without any need to, just to feel the return to the routine.
Since he had the time, he would train with her. Their first attempt to go to the upper grounds as they usually did had failed since all the fields were bursting with people. They decided to do it in the house after they were sure that the windows were shut and the door locked. It was still dangerous but she enjoyed it. When her hands touched the sword and raised it, it felt like it belonged there. Hers was smaller than his own. He had picked it with the thought that she herself was smaller and a longer katana would be too difficult to handle but she had explained that all of the Hyugas preferred smaller ones. They were trained to fight in a close ranger and it made it easier this way. Their fighting style was completely different. He used multiple weapon, not only one. He could fight evenly in a close combat and from distance. His hands were trained to throw the shurinkens with precision, change the direction with his kunai with such accuracy that she was left with wonder the first time she saw it. He remembered it clear as day, when her eyes widen and how proud he was when she said amazing. Many had praised him, he knew his skills were above the average, yet he always felt it was not enough. Yet her words filled him as a warm soup in the middle of winter.
As she had promised before, she tried to explain what muscles made a man paralyzed, where were the spots that needed pressing, and what each one did. He could not understand it. Then she said that it was a training that began at three years old and most failed to do it even with that. She proposed to teach him how to defend at the technique rather than to teach him how to do it. He needed training in his close combat defence. That irritated him enough to tell her that her ranged attacks were nowhere to be found. He raised an eyebrow and she frowned, still with her finger pressing on the veins above his palm. The feeling of that moment lingered for days later. His palse accelerated and he knew she could sense it. He felt helpless because if she attacked then in that second, she could make his hand useless. He was at her mercy. He felt excited for reasons he could not comprehend entirely. Her eyes were determined as she looked at him, the hair that had escaped from her ponytail had stuck at her neck, her finger pressed him more for a moment. Teach me then. She had said before she moved away.
From there it began the destruction of the house. Her aim was poor and the walls and vases were her victims. He knew they should stop, more and the evidence could not be covered but he liked her grasps when she failed and something was broken. He liked her apologetic look when that happened. It made his time less boring.
In return, she convinced him on his training in close combat. Everytime she touched him, she smiled to make him feel less bad. It annoyed him more and he was telling himself that next time he would succeed.
It was one of the days that they had began early. She exited the bathroom and he had just finished cleaning the glass on the floor, when they heard the knock. She looked at him with panic and they stayed silent for a moment not moving to the source of the sound. A knock was heard again, this time louder. He took one last look at her before he opened.
His father hand was raised, ready to knock again. His face painted with irritation. His mother was beside him with a smile that didn't reasure him, since he could trace the nervousness.
He nodded and let them enter, his anxiety preventing him from speaking. Had they learned somehow of their little sessions. Had they heard the noises. He stilled his face and waited.
"Good morning." His mother said but her voice was slightly trembling. Something was off.
She moved to Hinata to hug her and he could see the panic in her pale eyes. When the arms were ready to raise, his wife bowed instead, her face changed to coldness, as if just now she remembered something and walked to the kitchen to prepare something for the guests.
He saw his mother's gaze following her, confused, since Hinata was always warm towards her.
They sat and waited. Noone said a word until his wife pour them the tea. Her eyes were washed from any emotion and she just standed there, not knowing if she should stay or leave.
"Sit." His father commanded. "This matter requires both your presences."
They exchanged a look between people that found each other unbearable, before she sat down. Sasuke thought how strange it was that before minutes she was laughing and how cold she was now.
She sat beside him, her hand on his knee to reassure him, her eyes fixed on their guests.
"Your mother received a letter today." The rough voice filled the silence, his eyes torn between Sasuke and her.
"It was from your sister." He said with venom in his voice as the brown gaze rested upon her.
He felt her fingers pressing his knee.
"She wanted to express her gratitude of how well we are treating you." He said with mockery.
Sasuke could see from his side the confusion on her face.
"That little shit." He said then.
"Fugaku." His mother tried to calm him.
His father face turned slightly to face her and she said nothing more.
"What she really wanted thought." He continued." Was to know if my son is broken somehow and that's why you haven't produce any child yet."
He saw the jaw across him clenched and his mother's eyes to drop on the table.
"But my son is man enough." He almost yelled. "So you must be the problem."
He could not dare to move his face.
"You have already examined me." She said calmly. Detached.
"Yes dear, we don't accuse you for anything..." His mother voice soft.
"No? I heard it perfectly clear."
That's when he turned. Her eyes were furious but her tone didn't match it.
"What Fugaku is trying to say is that is odd that you aren't still pregnant. Maybe it's something we can do to help..Herbs or some medicine..."
"It's just not happened yet." Sasuke decided it was time to speak. "It's not uncommon."
"No, of course darling." His mother smile made him feel guilty. "But.."
"But they accuse my son of something. I won't tolerate that." The stern voice cut through them.
"You will be examined again. This time from a doctor of our own." He continued. "If your family tricked us..." He left the threat hanging in the air.
He almost smiled at the irony. They had tricked them, but not in this matter.
"I told my husband that there is no need for that. I have heard of a flower that when boiled helps with the conceive."
He didn't know if he was ever this uncomfortable. Still his mother offered a life saver.
"We could go and buy it together.." The delicate hands of the woman that raised him extended across the table as if to reach hers. She didn't make any move. He didn't know what was crossing her mind. This was the only chance they had. If she was examined, they would discover she was still as pure as the day they were married.
"A doctor will see her first." Fugaku Uchiha had been insulted. Noone could change his mind.
His mother's face dropped but Hinata looked at him unfaced.
"Unless you want to spare it and tell me now anything that you know." He intimidated her.
"Since you and my father take pleasure of exposing me to strangers, I can't refuse." She spitted on his offer.
"Fine." He answered angrily. "Tomorrow morning." He only said before he got up.
His mother didn't follow his movement.
"Let's go." He said but she still stayed on her seat.
"I will come later darling." She said lightly. "I want to enjoy my tea first." She took a sip from her cup.
He just nodded and looked at Sasuke intensly before he left.
He knew what that stare was. If she was fine then maybe something was wrong with him. His second son would also be proved a lesser man. That stare meant that he had to do anything to prevent this situation of ever happening. That stare commanded him of that.
When the door closed some of the tension left with him.
Mikoto smiled at Sasuke's frown, all of her love poured into that smile.
She turned her gaze to Hinata.
"Darling can I speak with my son alone?"
The pale eyes turned on him. He nodded and only then she got up.
"Of course." She said without any emotion.
"Hinata-san..." His mother was a smart woman. She could understand that something was not right.
His wife had moved to the corridor but turned around with the call of her name.
"Come by the house one of these days. We can drink a tea and talk." She smiled and Hinata mimicked the movement but it didn't reach her eyes.
When they were finally alone, all the tension from before emerged. But this time it was not the feeling of danger and fear of what could happen, but the one of guilt. He knew the reason of the problem they had found themselves into. They were selfish and he didn't know if the result worth it.
The woman came and sat beside him. She placed her hands above his and looked at him for a moment.
"Sasuke, my love, I know." She said softly.
He raised his eyes on hers but said nothing.
"I have seen the extra bedroom. I know that one of you is staying there." She spoke every word with a fragile whisper.
He tried to protest, to question but she continued.
"The first day I came here with the maids. They cleaned the house and they told me that they changed the sheets of both the beds. I didn't know if they understood but I told them that if any specific of your home is made to public it will be considered treason. You are very private, I said." She smiled again. "I saw her exiting the spare bedroom the day we came unannounced. I became convinced then." The smile never left her face but it became more sad. "Sasuke you are a good man, my child. I know that. But in life we all have a role to fill. You and her also." She broke their contact to look further in the house and then again on him. "What you did was noble, not anyone would have done it but... The circumstances require for different approach." She raised her hand and caressed his hair. "I don't want to lose you too." She whispered.
He stayed silent and observed the face of the woman that was the dearest person in his life. He saw her worry, the lines on her face curved deeper.
"You are wrong." He said with absolute certainty. He had to be convincing to stop her worry.
"It's true, she stays there. There is no need to share a bedroom. This marriage is a contract we both agreed yet we enjoy our privacy. We are married yes, but nothing more. But.." He stopped to take a breath. He wanted to sound confident but the next words made him uncomfortable. "We perform our duties as it is expected."
He looked at her to see if she was convinced.
"My son.."
"No need to worry." He said and he broke their contact as he got up.
She smiled faintly.
"If you say so." She said.
He nodded for confirmation.
"I am going to go now. If you would like I will come tomorrow to take her to the doctor. She shouldn't go alone."
Sasuke thought that she had done this again. His father had informed him of the examination and her purity. He and her father were present. He hadn't thought more about it then.
"I will take her." He said.
The woman took her things and kissed him. She stood by the door to take one last look on her son before she left.
He sat again on the table and crossed his hands. What could they do to prevent the examination. Was there a way to trick the doctor. Then he thought of his lover. She worked with medicine and herbs. He had found her the job. If he could convince them for her to do it, she would say whatever they wanted.
"Are we alone?" He heard his wife voice and turned to her direction.
He saw as she walked towards him and sat across. Her features were painted with worry, with panic.
"I thought you liked my mother." He said to change the subject, to calm her because she wouldn't be of any help in the state she was.
"I did." She answered and her frown dispersed.
"But not anymore?" He questioned again. Maybe it was to calm himself.
"She is very polite and welcoming." Her answer not really one to his question.
"But..." He prompted her.
"When something wrong is happening and you do nothing about it you are not less guilty."
She looked at him.
"Are we discussing about this or..."
She raised her eyebrows. He knew what her words meant. His wife was somehow convinced that the victim was his brother. That, he who was living his life, who did something disgusting from every angle that you looked at it, was not to blame.
This was not the time to further the discussion. They had more pressing matters on their hands.
"I will figure something. Don't worry." His words not soft, but determined.
"We will." She said. "We are a team." She smiled.
He sighed. His loyalty was ever and always on his family. Yet this woman had succeeded to gain his trust. He made a sound to confirm her words.
He told her his idea. She morphed of the mention of the woman who occupied his nights but then asked if she was to trust.
Sasuke thought that no, not really but he nodded in agreement. He didn't convince her. She then said that maybe she could be hurt in a way, a minor injury to buy them some time. He discarded her idea, it wouldn't solve the problem for the future. She tried to tell that maybe they would have a better idea with the time she would gain but he just answered no with a rough voice and she stopped. He didn't like the thought of her being hurt but said nothing.
They discussed for hours, back and forth, nothing seemed to be the solution.
"I think we should just do it." She said unexpectedly, as she came from the kitchen with more hot tea.
He raised his stare at her, when she left the pot on his side.
"Do what?" He asked not wanting to be wrong about what he heard.
Her cheeks painted pink.
"You know." She said without looking.
He grabbed her arm before she retreated to her seat. It took her a moment to rise her gaze to meet his. She took a breath.
"There is no other way. It is the only secure solution. And you know it." She said with confidence.
He knew. From the start he knew, that all of this mess would go away with that. For him, it was nothing. If it was his decision alone there would be no second thought. But he also knew that for her wasn't the same.
"Do you understand what are you saying?" He asked, no emotion in his voice. He didn't want to lead her to false ideas. It would be a duty and nothing more, just like their marriage.
"Yes. I think I already knew that it had to happen eventually." She said with a slight dissapointment. He didn't like that. It was irrational, he thought, since for him it was also a duty.
"We could still think of something else." He said more softly now.
She placed her free hand above the one that was still on her wrist and smiled.
"Thank you. But I'm certain." There was no longing in her eyes, no lust, just acceptance and gratitude.
She broke their contact and looked outside. He followed her gaze, the sky had already turned purple.
"I will fix us something to drink. We still have that sake..."
He got up.
"No." He said and he looked at her. The sound of his voice made her turn.
"If we do this, your mind will be clear." He said as if they were preparing for battle.
She nodded and stayed still. He didn't move either, waiting for her to lead if and when she was ready.
Her eyes widen as someone had spoke.
"I will take a bath." She said then.
"You already did, Hinata." He said both eagerly and tired.
She nodded and took a long breath before she spoke again.
"Alright then, let's go." She took his hand and walked towards the bedroom. His bedroom. The one, they sometimes shared. He felt panic and anxiety, understanding how dumb it was since he was the one that knew what he was doing.
When they entered, she let go of his hand. They looked at each other with nervousness before she laughed. Her hand covered her mouth and her eyes were slightly narrowed. It was because of the tension but it brought a smile on his face.
"We look really sorry, aren't we?" She said as her laugh reduced to giggles.
"I'm going to change." She said as she still wore her clothes for the day. Sasuke wanted to say that it didn't matter, they really didn't need to pretend that this was their first night, even if in a sense it was, but he let her be. She needed a moment to herself and surprisely he did to.
He sat on the chair across the bedroom to seem less intimidating when she entered again. He thought of the first time she came here, be clean, he had said. Maybe that's why she wanted to bathe. Perhaps she thought he was a clean freak, which he truly was, but she smelled like a garden. You really aren't my taste. He had said then. He wanted his women willing, not scared. He was not a man of loving words, of soft gestures, but he was repulsed by the thought of forcing himself to a woman. Was she willing now?
He heard her steps from across the hall and when she entered she smiled awkwardly. She was wearing a light purple kimono, almost white at this hour that the sun had just left the sky.
"This was a gift." She said as she touched the silk fabric. "For our.. for the first..."
"Are you sure about this?" He asked again, a question meant for both, him and her.
She pressed her finger on the spot she was touching the silk.
"Yes, but I don't know what to do." She whispered with a shame that didn't suit her, that was wrong. He thought in that moment that she was the bravest person he knew.
He got up and walked to her.
He placed his hand on her cheek as he had done when she was crying, to assure her that everything would be fine.
"I don't want to be with a child." She said and surspised him.
"Because of me?" He asked and covered the hurt.
"Because of me. I'm cursed." She said with determination. He wanted to laugh but the seriousness of her tone, prevented him.
"Okay." He reasured her and she seemed to relax.
She waited for him to make a move. He had the experience, it was only natural. But he was used to stay and have someone cover his needs. He didn't do much, he didn't need to. He was not a person to initiate a kiss, it hold no meaning to him. All this was a pleasure to forget, to calm down, to be less lonely.
Her eyes were on the purple of the silk and his on hers. But he was not really looking, they were close, awfully close, yet their minds were travelling afar.
"What now?" She said not really eager for what was going to follow.
The stillness might be unbearable for her. It was for him.
His thoughts came back to the house, to the room, to her that was a few inches away. What now.
"Hinata." He was never a words person. How to explain that he feared that she might get hurt, that he believed that this experience she was about to have, was a delicate issue, probably not meant for him to handle.
Her fingers left her kimono loose, her feet raised slightly as she placed a kiss on his cheek.
Her face reddened, her eyes widened and her lips pressed together as if to stop a smile or a noise.
She was trying.
He laughed with her awkwardness, with her shyness, with her boldness to despress the tension.
"It suits you." She said softly.
"Not as much as you." He answered. He should try to.
Before she retreated to the nervousness of a person not used to nice words, he kissed her.
Not shy on the cheek as she did, but on her lips that tasted acceptance and warmth.
She tensed, from the inexperience he thought, but didn't move away.
He let her take a breath, gave her a moment to understand. A step back from him to look at her.
She bit her lips, her neck exposed to his stare.
Her hand opened her attire, slightly, as an invitation, as to show that her decision was final and she would not back away now.
He watched the trace of her skin, to what was visible and imagined the hidden parts that had yet to be revealed and explored. There was a silence in the room, as he thought that there was no reason to try, it didn't need any effort from his part.
She wasn't his taste, yet she was magnificent.
He really wanted this. Her.
He closed their distance once more and untied the silk belt that kept her covered.
Her gaze never moved away.
She was the one exposed but the purpleness stare that matched the colour of her kimono looked him straight in the eyes. He felt naked.
He covered his face in the crook of her neck. It was easy. Her hands touched his back. It was what he wanted. He kissed her. She didn't push him away, but neither close. It was wrong.
I want you. He wanted to say.
His hands placed on her shoulders as he removed her away from him.
"No." He said and she looked confused.
"Not like this."
As a reflex she covered herself.
She opened her mouth and closed it. He should explain, but no words seemed to reach above their throats.
"I have something to take care off." He said and he turned to leave.
"Is..." Her voice barely heard in the silence. He wouldn't turn around.
"Am I..." She tried again.
He walked to the door.
"Is it because of me?" She said louder, with an urgency. "Am I at fault?"
He could not turn. He shouldn't. Because she was... She was perfect. Beautiful. And he didn't need to turn to know. If he saw her, he would wavered between the morality of leaving and his need to stay.
"You are..." He began with one step out of her presence. "Exactly how you need to be." He said and left to stop feeling powerless. To stop being a watcher to the wrongs of his surroundings. To finally do something that would not further the hole on his soul.