i've been smiling at the smallest things (when no one is around to see it)
lately
it disconcerts me
(the heaviness of it resting thick in my throat
until all i taste is my tired grief)
why did i never feel this before?
i realize that it means that i am happy.
and suddenly i cannot hold my head up
(in the face of this sorrow)
as i laugh a mad laugh
(chest aching as i weep)
and i think
of what little living i have done before now
my head falling into the shoulder of this embrace
until i am a just child
(and this joy is all i know)
- august 8th, 3:08pm
