i do not want to eat
i don't know why
i am so restless
so empty
so inhuman
nearly a ghost
i fear i am full of festering sickness
& all i can think
is that i have lived
too long
too hard
to die without experiencing a happiness i've only ever observed
to die without loving someone
to die without being loved
i want to sleep through it all,
rest forever in delirium,
& finish this life in a dream
no one will miss me much,
crave my laughter when i'm gone,
miss the sound of my voice,
make time to visit the ground i lay under
& i think i hate the most
that i have lived so pointlessly
so afraid
that no one truly knows enough of me to miss
& when i'm more than dying
closer to dead
i will have nothing but regret in my heart
& all this loneliness
i want to scream
but all i can seem to do is cry
