oh sweet,
like the blackberries we plucked
from the bushes on the border of our
backyard forest
what a love
we have created here,
the bloody mess of it
spilling from the doorway
of our kitchen
where i stand /
remembering the dirt covered hands
i had when i was soft & small —
smothered in nectar /
tell me,
do these kind memories
bring you to tears, too ?
do you miss your daughter like i miss
the paradise of my youth ?
before i absorbed all that misery,
does it pain you to see
what we could have been ?
if i close my eyes just right
i can almost taste the flesh
of that seedy dark fruit full of fresh sun /
like a gift to us from the summer
i am terrified of my rage
tell me,
does that ever go away ? /
my mind is still a child
that does not understand
why you screamed at her
until she finally cried /
where did you think all that hurt would go ?
i am so terribly worn,
yet still that stupid girl,
with blackberry stains
at the tips of her fingers,
that has been wandering for
an awfully long time /
i beg on bruised knees for the wisdom
of 19,
i beg to see the kind budding sepals of a
gentle spring
once again
to calm my violent heart /
i want more of me
but god,
what if this is all that's left ?
all i do is remember, bitterly
the ghosts of my summers
& i do not forgive them /
for their joy,
(for my envy)
this longing of mine has made a mess of things / anguish gathers in my palms uselessly
& i have no clue
where i'm supposed to put it all
nothing good will come of this
