Spotlights on [Ross and Rachel]

Let us try again

Season 8, Episode 24 x Season 9, Episode 1.   "TOW Rachel has a baby." What if Joey didn't propose?

Ross was standing by the bassinet, watching his beautiful, newborn daughter with admiring eyes.

"You know what I was thinking about?" He heard Rachel ask behind him.

"What?" Ross breathed, still focusing his eyes on his daughter.

Rachel was quite nervous. What she wanted to talk to him about was something that has been nagging her for a long time now, and she just couldn't hold it to herself anymore.

"Uhm.... that kiss before we left the apartment. That was something, huh?" she said hesitantly.

"Yeah. Yeah, it really was, " Ross agreed, remembering the wonderful feeling of having Rachel's lips softly pressed against his own. The kiss that they had shared has stuck in his mind all day long. It had been such an emotional moment for him. It was the first time it had dawned on him that he was going to be a father again.

Rachel was going to have his baby.
Their baby girl.

"But we, we got to be careful." Ross then continued. He let out a nervous laugh, but on the inside, he was screaming.
Why wouldn't he let his guards down and allow himself to be together with Rachel so that they could be a family like he always had dreamed of?

Ross was scared.
He daunted that they would break it off again if they got back together and he couldn't take that risk.

"We, you know, we can't let that happen again, you know?" he then said against his will. But he knew he needed to say it because it was.... safe.

Rachel's face fell.
Her nightmare had become her reality. She looked down, trying to make sense of his words. She then remembered Janice's words.

What happens when he meets somebody else and gets married?

Rachel's stomach was turning into a knot.

"Right." To say that Rachel was disappointed was an understatement.

"I mean, we don't want to go down that road again, do we?" Ross continued, asking himself that question as well. What he was telling her was not words from his heart, but instead words from his brain.

"No, no, of course not, no. That's why I brought it up." Rachel quickly agreed. She cleared her throat in an effort of trying to realise the pain she was experiencing at the moment.
She would've broken down in loud sobs if Ross wasn't standing by her side right now.

Her world was crashing down right before Ross's eyes. But the problem was that he couldn't see it. Or.... he wouldn't allow himself to see it, are better fitting words.
The truth was that Ross was just as miserable himself. He wanted nothing more but to cuddle up in the hospital bed and wrap his arms around Rachel and their daughter. He wanted this day to be their new start as a real family.

But he wouldn't allow that to happen, and it killed him.

Rachel watched how Ross gently caress their sleeping daughter. The beautiful masterpiece that they had created together.

If only things were simpler....

"They didn't have any sodas?" Rachel then asked Ross. She couldn't be in his presence any longer. It hurt too much.

"Oh, my God! I'm sorry. I was talking to this nurse, completely forgot, " Ross answered back before quickly walking out of the hospital room. He was relieved to get out of there. Not because he didn't want to be by Rachel's side, but because he wasn't sure of how much longer he could fight himself. He hated himself for lying straight to her face.