my green

009 : to die in the hands of jealousy

tw: aot_hd

eren had left notes, they were thank you notes.

thank you for being you, thank you for allowing me to live this life with you, thank you for talking to me when no one else would, thank you for not talking to me when i wanted silence, just thank you for all that you are and all that you'll be.

"what are these for?" you asked him, sheets of paper flat in your palms.

eren shrugged, scratched at the top of his head and sighed, "just want you to know how much i appreciate you."

they were all written in black, ball-point pen, folded in halves and placed on your nightstand. eren signed them off, smiley faces by his name and dated–a different date for a different day.

five months before

mama takes him to get his car registered, which contradicts her punishment towards him.

no car until further notice, she had told him a few nights ago when he backed out at full speed. to which eren rolled his iridescent eyes at and stomped his feet upstairs. he slammed the door, trashed his bedroom more than it already was and resorted to harm himself. this time with the text message his father, grisha, last left him.

he hasn't thought about it since, he's at least tried not to. it seems like eren only likes to think about the good when it comes to his dad. how he was a doctor and liked to save people when he couldn't even do so to himself. how he was a great father and loved his family tremendously when he couldn't love himself, and how he always knew what to say during times of sorrow, grisha couldn't think of anything to tell himself while he drove to his death.

eren might've wacked his thighs a few times out of anger, out of sadness and because he feels like mama doesn't understand him and why he acts the way he does. maybe because pain is his only escape, because it subsides his emotions and when all is said and done, he idles.

he's no longer crying.

carla watches him out of the corner of her eye. her hands are on the steering wheel, ten and two. she drives a few miles above the speed limit towards the direction of his school.

eren has his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes glued to the world on the opposite side of the passenger window. there's passing trees, lakes, rest areas and desolate homes with cattle that rest under tall oak trees and atop freshly cut grass. he smiles ever so often when he encounters some, it vanishes the second the cattle are no longer in sight.

the radio is low, it's some morning program and eren doesn't care enough to listen in. instead, he sits in the silence he prefers, although it becomes uncomfortable when he realizes that mama is beside him and he hasn't said a word to her.

she clears her throat and signals to take a right on the oncoming street, "i let your teachers know that you were possibly not going to show up yesterday."

eren nods.

"they were all okay with it, you know?" her voice is soft, softer than other times.

"yeah," he sighs, "i know."

"are you excited to have your license plates and have the car in your name?" carla smiles to herself, she glances at eren who nods again, but despite his short and firm answer he says,

"am i allowed to actually drive it or am i still being punished?" there's an evident attitude laced with his question.

mama sort of chuckles to herself. she's been doing that a lot more than she used to, laughing at what eren says because he finds something to protest about no matter the circumstance.