my green

010 : sanity

aot_hd

"you and me." he mouthed, hands gripped at the straps of his book bag.

you couldn't make out what he said, but you knew it was a long awaited confession because there was a smile on his lips and his shoulders settled from the pin straight position.

five months before

it hadn't yet occurred to you why eren felt like a safe space.

maybe it was his voice that bounced off the walls of the earth and plummeted into your ear drums like a beautiful mantra? was it his smile that outshined any diamond? or was it his eyes that seemed to grow livelier the longer he fed off your radiance? perhaps it was his hands that shook when he was clearly overwhelmed in your presence, how he seemed to trip over his own thoughts and words with just the faintest, hello, from you.

eren had an idea, a glimpse of one to say the absolute least, of why you felt right, why you felt worthy of all his attention and heart, why even on his bad days he wished to live to an infinite.

maybe it was your saccharine scent, candy coated neck that sought shelter in his brain whenever you moved past him. the bluish-whitish shampoo that smelled of wisterias and spring mornings, that enveloped onto your follicles of hair and swam around his clothes after only minutes around you.

eren with embarrassment written all over his physique–pinkish cheeks, flaming ear tips, clammy palms, and buckling knees–finds a sense of comfort in sniffing around the collar of his shirt for traces of you.

even then, the questioning act, doesn't suffice.

because he can't hear you say his name, sing it, chant it like some prayer he's never once heard. because it sounds foreign off your tongue and into the thick air that always settles itself between the two of you. because you accidentally, innocently with much lack of innocence, coat his torrid skin with droplets of your frigid waters.

you take note of every minuscule detail about him. to understand the aspects he refuses to speak about, to understand why he smiles and why he cries and why he has the features of an undead boy but the heart of an overwhelmed one.

a scar to his nose that tells a tale but remains locked behind the chamber of his heart, chains and a padlock that only a lost key can set free.

emerald gems to each eye, those too tell a story, many stories. far too many to tell in just one conversation for they have seen the commence of the world and every creation at its beginning.

violet skin under his eyes that alert you of his lack of sleep, but–why eren? why don't you sleep?

some of your many unanswered questions about him.

eren could sit at his bedside and devote his days to solving the knotted wires in your brain. he does the exact same, wonder, that is. about many things he's come to take notice in you.

mainly being reiner, why is he allowed to witness all your beauty in every form? is it something about fearing last place? is it rejection and isolation that she fears most?

why do you begin your life here on a bad note? why is it him and not me? not that he only yearns to be kissed by you or invited into your home for a movie, but–why does he get to hear his name sound so pristine every day? why does he get to listen to your laughter echo in the crevices of his stupid car?

to him, intimacy isn't a just kiss or a shared bed, instead it's memorizing the grooves on your fingertips, your breaths, the bass in your chest that crescendos under minimal interactions. it is knowing your scent even when after you depart, after he washes your remains away and yet, still, defectively, he finds you in the collar of his shirt, his sleeves and maybe even on his skin.