A Thousand Years | Bloom x Valtor

A thousand burning roses

I can't concentrate. I'm totally distracted during the lessons and I hate it because I hate what's keeping my mind busy. It could be anything and it wouldn't bother me but this is awful. Usually simple things are enough to distract me. Pretty things, flowers, food and other things. This time it's something that's way more heavy. It's awful and unfair that I can't think of something else and that he is the person who is in my mind. Sky should be on my mind, Musa and her new music should be on my mind, Flora's blue orchids should be on my mind, miss Faragonda should be on my mind. Everyone but him. The girls know and notice that I'm distracted and that stresses me out. I'm not good when it comes to hiding my feelings. Usually I talk to them about everything. I tell them everything but this is something that I can't explain to them. Maybe I should try. I just don't know how, especially not after speaking to Faragonda, not after last night.

There's no way I'll tell them who he is and that I spent a night with him. They'd curse me for not kicking him out and letting him in or begging him to stay. Remembering that makes me blush from embarrassment. What was I thinking? Unfortunately even now during the bright day I don't think I would've done it any differently.

After the lesson Stella catches me off guard.

"Are you ready to tell me what's going on with you?" She already has that tone in her voice that I can't avoid. It tells me that she won't let it be until I give her the truth. There's no way to escape. She always gives me room until she knows I need to be pushed to speak.

"What was that in the morning tho?" She asks and Tecna jumps in. "What happened this morning?" I don't want this to be a big thing so I use my same excuse as earlier. It should work. It always works because it happens regularly. "I just had a bad dream and woke up totally irritated. That's it." I answer, smiling and hoping that they will let it be but they don't. Why would they? "You should've seen her and how she was standing there in the corner of her room. That must've been a really bad dream." Stella keeps telling Tecna about me and my awkward behavior while I get a call from Sky.

I get goosebumps all over my body. Last night flashes before my eyes.

I can't tell him about last night. How am I supposed to tell him that I had a man in my room and that this man is Valtor? How can I tell him that nothing happened when I stopped Valtor from leaving by hugging him? How will I explain that I slept better with him being with me? That I had no nightmares for once and that I felt relieved when I woke up and saw that he didn't leave. These things can't be described. I'm too ashamed and guilty. What I did was disrespectful towards Sky.

My cheeks blush with these shameful thoughts and my heart gets heavy. I feel like a liar, although I haven't lied yet. I just didn't tell. Would I lie if he would ask me? I don't know.

I can't tell him about what happened. I can't tell him about the story, our bond, everything that happened, what Faragonda told me. He wouldn't understand it. I don't understand it either but he would lose his mind over it. He wouldn't even let me explain because his jealousy is worse than mine and I know that he already can't stand Valtor. He would try to fight him or be mad for days and I can't have that. Not right now that I'm already so overwhelmed with everything. I will keep it to myself. Dealing with him right now is way too difficult for me. Especially since he is so aggressive lately.

"How is my princess doing?" Sky asks and I giggle automatically because that's how my body reacts to him, although I want to cry right now because of the circumstances.

There's something that happens inside me. Something heavy sits on my chest. For some reason I feel like there's a distance between us, and him speaking to me like that makes me feel better. Hearing his voice was all I needed to get Valtor off my mind. Now I can concentrate on what's really important to me again. What really matters. Sky matters. Our relationship matters. We are important. Nothing else matters. I will work on what's bothering me. I will handle it. I'm strong enough. I'm only a little confused lately but I'll get myself back together and then everything will be fine. Sometimes I just need a little reminder because I drift off the path.