You Wouldn't Understand [Stan and Kyle]

Chapter 6

I open the gasoline tank and spread it throughout the farmland. Today is the day, the day that I break. This stupid farm, the commands I hear from my dad to attend it, that all ends today. I light a match, staring as it flares up. Right now is my last chance to rethink everything as I pull a disposable mask over my face. This little match in my hands, this box that I hold... It has so much power. What will happen if I don't burn the farm down? My parents... No, my father will ground me for ruining the farm with gasoline. My sister will probably beat me up for even thinking about it. It's not worth it...

The consequences of not doing it, that is. I throw the match into the farmland, watching as the all of the stupid plants my father was growing burn to death. The crackles and pops I hear as the fire burns run throughout my head, smoke filling my lungs as I back up against the fence. My eyes widen in shock, the fire is spreading and it's spreading fast. I back up to the fence, the fire spreading rapidly from the fields right to the farmhouse and... My house.

My house. My mom's house, my dad's house, my sister's house, Sparky's house...

"STAAAAAN...!!!" I hear my mother's piercing scream come from the farmhouse, feeling immense guilt flare up inside of me.

What have I just done? I meant to burn the farm down, not hurt my family! What the hell have you done, Stan?!

"Mom...!" I cry for her, a red gloved hand reaching out for my mother as I sob. "I'm so sorry, Mom...!" More screams follow those of my mother, belonging to my sister and father. My eyes dart from side to side to side, listening to all of them call my name for help. They can't get out. They're locked inside.

What have I done? I caused this chaos. The smoke filled, orange and pinkish sky... It was all caused by me! I know barely anybody is going to see it either, we live so far away from everyone.

"We live so far away from everyone...?" I question beneath my breath, tears of pain and hatred running down my cheeks. There is no 'we' anymore. No matter how I cry, it won't ever be enough to stop the fire. Everyone is dying, and it's my fault. I just killed my own family because I was thinking selfishly. I drop the matches in my hand, the flames darting closer to me as I'm backed up in the corner of the fence. What can I do now? I have nobody, nowhere to go to. The pain that they must be feeling in there, the pain I feel, knowing that even if I called the emergency line there is no saving them.

I watch as the flames roar closer to me, my heart beating at a million miles per hour. It feels as if my feet are glued to the ground, and I cannot breathe nor move. It was until they came close enough to caress my leg that I screamed. It hurt, and it hurt bad. I ran far away after that scare, leaving everything else behind that I had once known and loved. I am not sure why, but the box of my toys in my room seems to be on my mind...

The pain builds up exponentially as I run, though I find it hard to stop. My mind, my heart feels as if it's torn in two pieces right now and my only option is to pick one side.

I made the right decision.

Or...

I made the wrong decision.

Either way, I'm hurting like hell and I burnt the shit out of my leg. It stings really, really bad. So many things are running through my head right now that it's hard to pick just one to focus on. I'm worried about Kyle, and I'm convinced my entire family is going to die. It's not their fault, but the stress... No, my dad was apart of it. But the way my mom cried for me when she heard my scream, and when I heard hers...

My eyes are glazed over with tears as I cry quietly. I can no longer run, the pain in my leg is throbbing and I feel sick to my stomach. I can hardly breathe, and that hellish migraine from earlier has returned to my head. Before I know it, my body acts on its own and I hold onto my head before I let out another painful scream. It's too much for my throat at the moment, so I start coughing, that in turn causes pain in my stomach... And then gagging. I start throwing up while tears escape my eyes, and it's not because of a hangover this time. It's because I have made myself sick. I wipe my mouth with my sleeve and turn my head to an abandoned shed. It looks like it hasn't been taken care of in a long time, it has rotting holes on the outside and the wood looks moist. I crawl over to it before I hear something run from behind me...

It's a familiar sound, soft whines escaping from a dog's throat. "Sparky...?" I sniffle, horrified at what I saw once I turned my eyes to him.

He had left a trail of blood from the farm to this shed, and he followed me all the way there. His burns left part of his back legs and tail nearly unrecognizable, and I feel a sinking feeling within my chest. It's my fault that this happened to Sparky, why did I do this? I sit on the steps of the abandoned shed, staring at him with guilt in my eyes. I have decided that I am evil for spreading my pain to others. It only made everything worse, and I thought that I was alone before... But I see it now. I'm almost alone. All I have left is Sparky.

He looks exhausted, panting heavily while crying softly. He rests his head in my lap, and it brings a certain kind of warmth I haven't felt in a long time. The world had felt so cold lately...

"I'm sorry, Sparky...," I tear the sleeves of my jacket off and set some snow on his burns. I then wrap them around the wounded area, praying it helped him feel at least a little bit of relief. As for my burn on my leg... It hurts really bad. It's bleeding and disfigured. But that's alright... I just need to focus on Sparky right now.

He and I enter the shed together and shut the door behind us, and it smells horrid in here. There's mold growing on the walls and rotting furniture. But this is going to be my home for awhile, so I've got to get used to it. I lie down on the couch, missing the comforting feeling of my own bed. I'll never get it back, because I destroyed it and I only have myself to blame. Sparky jumps up onto the couch beside me and snuggles in, trying to lift my spirits. I hold onto him and close my eyes tightly, praying that it will all go away by tomorrow.