UNSHACKLING MYSELF

Ch-17: Cracked (Chehak)

"Remember at the end of a dark tunnel there is always light!"

I smiled recollecting the words of my counselor. I couldn't help but agree that how right that statement is.

It's been 4 months since i joined Apex, and everything has been perfect ever since. A honeycomb of trustworthy friends (i hope), Successful Promotional strategy (yeah those headphones hit an all time high in sales), and above all a stronger self belief.

I just wish that everything stays the way it is!

I still shudder at the thought of my past, my ongoing nightmares, that music, his voice, that ugly touch, his smile, that suspicious wolfish grin and that night!

I am trying but i still haven't been able to pull out of it all and maybe i never will, but at least the newly found meaning in my life is something to hold on to.

Breaking out of my self introspection mode, i took another sip of my steamy coffee, when i heard the doorbell ring.

"Whats up with you woman? I hardly see you around anymore? Care to give me any explanation as to where have you been?" I bombarded Radhika with questions the moment she entered.

Flopping on the couch she lazily answered in a few words.

"I want an exit Chehak!"

"What the fucking hell does that mean?" I said utterly confused

"It means, i can't take it anymore. I cant be your mommy forever, i have different priorities like my career and Nivaan and i cannot give my entire attention to you!!" She screamed

While i just stood their eyeing her disbelievingly.

"Its okay Radhika, if you need more space. I wont trouble you, but what does you needing an exit imply?" I said trying to hold on to someone who is the last person i would want to lose.

"I am moving to USA with Nivaan. Our company has set up a new branch there and the two of us are going there for our project. And i don't wan't to be pulled back by you!" She spoke sternly quite unmoved by the tears which had begun to leave my eyes.

"I would never pull you back Radhika! I am very happy about the new developments in your life. But why does this mean that we don't have to be in touch?" I spoke with questioning eyes.

"Ohhh Come on Chehak. You obviously do pull me back! If i don't attend to your calls or don't reply to one of your messages you freak out! Moreover your emotional baggage is just too much to handle!" She screamed.

"Ohh for gods sake i have been through way too much and still managed to move on! I simply don't understand what baggage of mine do your tiny shoulders have to bear?" I shouted back.

There was a limit to which I could bear any amount of negativity directed towards me.

"MOVED ON!! Seriously these words and you in the same sentence is an example for an oxymoron.
When was the last time you let your hair open? Or did salsa on old hindi songs wearing hot pants and heels? Or eaten italian? Or cracked a santa-banta joke? Or spoken in french just to irritate the other person? Or visited the animal shelter you loved? Or for heavens sake even slept peacefully! YOU HAVEN'T MOVED ON CHEHAK, INSTEAD YOU HAVE CREATED A FAKE VERSION OF YOURS WHICH YOU FEEL IS INDEPENDENT BUT IS ACTUALLY VERY VULNERABLE!! And as much as i sympathize with you, i can't continue to be your nanny anymore. Because seeing you just darkens my mood and i am running out of care and kindness to shower!" She screamed yet again and stormed off to her room shutting the door with a thud!

I just fell down on the floor numb.
She was indeed right! Maybe i had put her through way too much than she deserved only for the sake of her being my best friend. I chuckled grimly.
And then i broke down, crying.
It wasn't her fault actually, she has her own life and she deserved to get all that she wished for. My only complain remained that even she gave up on me.

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2 weeks 3 days and 17 hours later.

It had been more than 2 weeks since she left, and 2 weeks since i smiled at the breakfast table, 2 weeks since i last had a glass of mango soda in the night followed by a tight hug that took away all my bad dreams.

I didn't like this house anymore, its like my guardian angel has left me to be trodden over. But i reckon quite justly so.

Perhaps if i were to look over the less emotional aspect of it, this was an expensive place to support given the posh locality and metropolitan city we stayed in. I earned a little more than 65 K per month and out of which 37 K went into house rent and another 5 grand over electricity and maintenance bills. And shoving out all the other expenses such as food, laundry, taxi fares etc. I was just making ends meet.

I took a glance over the huge photo frame in our living room
*SISTERS FROM DIFFERENT MOTHERS* it stated and carried a weird picture of ours dressed up as cowgirls, pouting and making a heart with our hands.

"Its so rad i tell ya!" Radhika used to say every time she saw it and within a flick of a moment she left her cowgirl alone in the team.

Brushing the tears which had again welled up i decided to look for a new house to shift in, maybe a PG even, or anything that would help me save up.

Alas! My assumption that life was finally getting on track was made far too soon. But at least now i knew with hardly anything or actually nothing to call mine, i didn't have much to lose.
Maybe things would get better, maybe i have experienced enough pain, maybe Radhika leaving me behind was for some good of my own, maybe life had something more in store for me.
All I was left with was a string of maybe (s) and uncertainty, but yet enough hope.

But until that one day, i decided to not give up, to prove to Radhika that i wasn't as weak as it seemed, robotic, fake or less lively, at least this new Chehak isn't going to be shattered so easily.

Picking up my office bag, i began another mundane day of mine, quite unaware that life indeed had something else stored for me.

*Kavnit Calling* my phone flashed.

"Hello!" I said getting out of the cab which dropped me to office.

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I am sorry guys, for being an entire week late but well i was caught up in way too much stuff, do be able to find time to write. But as an apology, one more part by tonight and an interesting twist.
Thank u to all those who messaged with their feedback. Most of you had only one complain that the parts are small. Actually as descriptive as i am, i write every part with a certain motive to deliver, so that there is something to look forward in the coming parts, though i'll try to put more than one plot in a part now and make it a bit longer.

*UNEDITED* PLEASE BEAR WITH ME WILL EDIT ASAP!.

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