Ambiguous and bereavement(Fruk)

6

I sat in my study throughout the day, searching through everything I had. I threw everything around, searching through my journals for anything I could find. "Arthur?" I heard a voice speak. I looked over to my study door and saw Francis standing there. "What's going on?" He asked. "Oh! Ahhhhh, I was looking for something," I spoke.

"Arthur, maybe try moving on from the case? I mean, you solved it? What exactly are you trying to look for?" He asked. I looked at him, annoyed, and began to scratch my head. "That box! What if someone is coming for us?" I asked. He shook his head, worried, and came closer. "Are you sure that box was there?" He asked.

"What? I swear! You sound like everyone else! You were there! You saw it!" I spoke. He looked at me confused and suddenly shook his head. "Arthur, what's the real reason behind all of this? Why? Why are you trying to dig up the past?" He asked.

I was getting frustrated.

"What? The case was closed only months ago! It isn't that far back!" I spoke. He looked at me worried and came closer to me. "Please, you are starting to scare me," he spoke. "How could I scare you? I'm being honest?"

He shook his head again. "You aren't; what are you trying to find out? When you figure it out, let me know," he spoke. What? I'm not some crazy person!

I was starting to get angry as he walked away. "YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, HUH? I AM NOT CRAZY! I AM TRYING TO PROTECT US!" I yelled. Once he left the room, I knew I couldn't do this anymore.

I began throwing my stuff around! I flipped over my desk! I pulled off my shelves and threw my books around. I started yelling and breaking glass objects around me. "WHAT AM I TRYING TO FIND?" I yelled. I'm trying to find answers! Why was everyone treating me like I did not know what was happening around me?

I left my study and looked around for Francis. I walked down the stairs and saw him sitting on the sofa, looking terrified. "Arthur, please, I think maybe you need help," He spoke. My eyes widened, and I glared at him. "Help? I am not some crazy person! Aren't you supposed to love me? why did you suddenly change your mind about all of this?" I asked.

"You are acting strange lately; I know deep down that this case has more than you realize! What are you trying to figure out? All of the victims are gone! You saw all of the photos and reports! They are gone! Why can't you let them go?" He yelled back.

I glared at him, but tears started falling from my eyes. "This is not about the victims! I am trying to protect us now!"

"And how did that go?" He asked.

I jumped at what he said and looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?" I asked. "You were like this during the case. You let it eat you up! Every single day! Then, you always told me the same thing! How you were going to make sure you and I were safe! Well? How did that go?" He asked.

"What are you talking about?" I asked again. What was he saying?

"Arthur, you need to let them go! All of them!" He spoke.

"What? What are you even saying?" I began to laugh. He started to walk away, but I grew angry. "You see me as this obsessed crazy person? Don't you? Well, I am not! I am completely sane!" I yelled. Francis stood in the living room and kitchen area and had his back turned. I was still angry, though.

"You want to see crazy?! I WILL SHOW YOU CRAZY!" I yelled. I began throwing stuff around, and he stood still. "I HATE YOU!" I yelled. I could see that he would flinch every time I threw something. I continued to throw stuff, and I rushed to the kitchen. "What are you doing?" He asked.

I looked at him, and he had tears in his eyes. "I am getting away from you! How could I love someone who sees me as a crazy person?" I cried. He closed his eyes, saddened, and shook his head. "If that's what you need to do...Then you can hate me as long as you get closure," He whispered.

I looked at him sadly and felt the tears continue to fall. "You shouldn't let me say those things. You would be okay with me leaving you behind like that?" I asked. He nodded at me slowly, and I felt my heart breaking. "Anything...as long as you have acceptance," He spoke.

"I just wanted to save you...I love you..." I cried.

"I love you too...but it is time, don't you think?" He asked.

I felt myself get angry again, and I grabbed the kitchen knife. "I should kill myself!" I yelled. "That won't help you; you know that," He spoke. He looked at me, and I scrunched my face in sadness. I felt my heart breaking again, and I dropped the knife. "Leave! Leave me alone!" I yelled.

Francis looked at me sadly and nodded his head. "All I wanted to do was save you," I whispered. "You do not need to worry about that anymore; forget about the case already," He spoke. Francis began to pat my head softly, and I watched as he left the house.

I was hurting so much right now. It was like everything in my body wanted to die. I was unsure what was going on with me, and I was not sure what all these sudden emotions were. I just wanted Francis to return and carry me to bed like he usually does. I wanted him to love me with every fiber of his being. I wanted to love him, marry him, start a family, maybe. I wanted to give him so much, but I screwed up badly. "I am so sorry, Francis," I began to sob into my hands.