Ambiguous and bereavement(Fruk)

11 (extra)

"Are you sure you do not want me to stay with you tonight?" Lucile asked. I did not look at her. I knew that If I did, I would start crying again. She lifted my chin to look at her; her eyes were red. She wore a black hat that matched her black dress. "I promise...I will be fine," I explained.

I was the last person to leave the burial; I had stayed there till it darkened. "I will see you again," I spoke. I waved goodbye to Francis and went to my car. Only this time, I felt rage instead of sadness. I began to scream and cry in my car and hit my fists against the steering wheel. "This is not fair!" I yelled.

~

I stood outside my door for the longest time when I went home. I walked into my house and sat at the kitchen table, looking at some of the case files I had left there. I grabbed one of the smaller boxes and began to place one of Francis' ribbons in it. I was lucky the blood didn't stain it. I grabbed the calendar and put it on top, along with some photos. I wanted to burn it all.

I sat back in the chair and stared at the gun in front of me. I grabbed it softly and began to mess with it in my hands. "All it takes is one," I whispered. I pressed the gun against my temple and began to pull the trigger back, with tears in my eyes. 

"Arthur? What's wrong?" A voice spoke. My eyes widened, and standing before me, was him. "Francis?" I asked. I continued to cry more as I dropped my hand. He came up to me and held my cheeks in his palms. "Hey, don't cry! I am here," he whispered. I began sobbing, and he pulled me in for a hug. "I am so sorry," I cried. He smiled at me and shook his head. "What are you sorry about?" He asked.

I stared at him blankly and did not know what to say.

"I am not sure..."

"Okay then, let's go to bed; I am tired!" He whined. I began to smile at him, and I nodded my head. "Okay..."

~

Two Years later

It was a beautiful spring morning. I was glad the winter season had finally passed. It meant that I could decorate his grave how he would like it. I walked up to his grave and laid out the blanket and food I had brought. "Good Day, Francis," I whispered. I began to place flowers and food down in front of the stone and smiled.

"I know I don't visit much...it has been hard...but I think now it is better..."

"I stopped seeing you about a year ago, and it sucked. A part of me wanted to keep seeing you, but I knew it was time for me to move on." I felt tears fall from my eyes, but I continued to smile. "The one thing that separates us while we live on this earth is our human physicality. What brings us together universally is love and the language of our souls. I believe that one day we will be together again. I know we never got the chance to vow our love to each other as we wanted, but I think we will in another life."

I smiled and began to pull out a piece of paper. "I feel it is only right to not only apologize for the trouble I caused but to give you the words that I would have vowed to you," I spoke. The wind blew my hair, and I wiped my tears.

"It isn't possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, or muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal. I want you to take all my love and more. You have my undying devotion and admiration till the end of time. What I want...is you and only you. I want you the way that flowers want to bloom during the spring."

"My dearest love, I swear to love you unconditionally. The world around me may collapse, but I know you will always be there for me. To love and cherish me, so I can do for you the way you deserve. When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times."

I tilted my head, looking up at the stone, and smiled. "I will love you..." I started. "Till death do us part..."

"But even then...I will be endlessly trapped in my overwhelming love for you... A love I will never escape."

I sat up to fix the flowers around his stone and kissed it gently. "I hope that within time, you can forgive me...so that I can forgive myself." I breathed out deeply and sat back down to give him food. Nothing in my life has hurt me more, and who knows if I will fully recover.

This was it...

Acceptance.