My Secret Shadow

6

I stare at my locker, then lean against it and look into the crowd of people. Shadow is my age. He's taller than me, not too buff but looks built. His hair is a little longer than the average male's. He goes to this school. Shadow is real.

"Look, the weirdo isnt being weird for once."

Gordon, on the basketball team, is tall as fuck, hot as fuck even if he's not my type, but an asshole nonetheless. Definitely not Shadow.

I ignore him and start walking.

"Freak," He calls in a singing voice.

"You sound like shit," I mumbled to myself, swinging my bag on my back.

My bag is yanked back, I stumble and Im about to fall on my ass, but I'm caught. I dont look at the person who caught me, but instead at who yanked my bag.

"Morin," I scoff. Now Morin is my type. About 4 inches taller than me, definitely on the sexy side. He's lean, with broad shoulders, a nice chest, and a 4 back. His smirk always sends my heart flying through the roof. He's foreign, has a nice accent, and has chocolate skin. He rocks a chopped hairstyle, his hair falling to the nape of his neck. Definitely my type. I'm Latino, and we have good taste when it comes to looks, just not good taste in personality.

"No hello? How about a "Morin, my darling, how are you?", none of that?"

"In your dreams, moron," I roll my eyes.

"It's Morin, baby, get it right," He steps forward and grabs my chin. "I know you have the hots for me."

"And? Im gay, always have been. What's wrong with that?"

I feel my anxiety growing, but I bite it down. Do not cower away right now Damien, you got this.

"Ahh, fiesty. I like it," He leans closer.

I gulp and step away.

"What, dont you dream of this?"

"Hah. Do you?" I hear some "Ohhh"s, but I ignore them. "Be honest with yourself, Morin. Dont worry, Im not one to judge." Now I smirk. His face drops a little, it looks like I hit a nerve. My hand finds its way to his shoulder, then his neck. I pull the collar of his shirt down slightly. "You thought it'd be fun to pick on the gay kid, right?" I hook my finger around the collar and twist it, "You want me to cower away, to run," I pull him towards me. "Too bad seems like it didnt work."

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows, I grin and let go of him.

"Did I just cause a gay awakening?" I ask.

He stands up straight and composes himself.

"You wish, Damien," His voice saying my name sending my heart racing.

His smirk comes back, but this time his eyes are different. Softer, warmer. Normally they are cold, squinted, and fixated. But now they are softly laying open, his pupils dilated. Maybe I really did cause a gay awakening, because I know that look. That's the look he gave his ex-girlfriend when they started dating last year. They broke up at the very end of last year, she was transferring schools, and they decided to not do long-distance. He's not a player. I've known him since middle school. He had a girlfriend the whole two years of middle school, then had a girlfriend his sophomore year. The sophomore-year girl cheated a month in, so he ended it. Took him a bit to recover then started dating his ex beginning of Junior year, with who he fell deeply. He always had this look when he saw her.

"Next time, be careful who you try to bully."

That seems to have brought him back because his eyes fixate and he scoffs. There it is, back to normal. He turns to the guys.

"See ya," a small pause, "homo," He waves his hand behind him.

The guys pat his back and his shoulders, hooting, and hollering as they walk away together. I roll my eyes and walk forward as I turn, running into someone's chest.

"Im not in the mood," I sigh and close my eyes.

I step around the person, not looking at who, but continue on to my class. I look for Shadow as I walk through the crowd, but I dont see his build.

"That was fucking funny," Maddy hangs onto my shoulder. "I fully expected you to run away."

"Thanks for having so much faith in me."

"Always. But really, what happened to your anxiety?"

"I dont know, I just felt confident, I felt like standing up for myself, so I did."

"Babes, do you realize you flirted with him?"

"That was not flirting."

"It was! Mr.Casanova, you flirted with your crush, who you've liked since middle school," She tells me quietly.

"Oh my god, please shut the fuck up before someone hears you," I hide my face in my hands.

"Its just us, dont worry. Damien, you have to keep this confidence thing going. I've never been happier for you. Is it the therapy?"

"I dont know, Madz, I dont know."

"He even flirted back, and dont think I didnt notice the look."

"Do you really think so?" My fingers separate to look at her.

"Babez," She grabs my hands, grinning, "I know so. You got under his skin, into his head."

I sigh, I know nothing will ever happen with him. He's too caught in his pride and ego, he never would. I can dream though, and god doI dream about it, about him. She's right, I've liked that asshole since middle school. At first, I liked him for his looks, but then he helped me once in the gym. It was the smallest thing, but since then I've been smitten.

"Watch out!" I hear behind me. Maddy's eyes widen, I turn around and see the basketball heading toward my face. I'm not athletic, I hate sports. My hands fly in front of my face.

I expect pain, but nothing came so I looks up, and there I saw him. My crush, Morin, holding the basketball (that was about to hit my face) at his waist.

"Sorry, Marshall's aim sucks. You good, Tiny?"

I stare up at him in awe, he was much taller than me at the time, and I hadn't had a growth spurt yet.

"Hello," He grins and waves his hand in front of my face, "I asked if you're okay?" He leans down towards me, his free hand tussling my hair. Heat rushes to my face, and I nod violently. He laughs, "Okay good. See ya, Tiny."

His hand leaves my hair. He dribbles the ball away and back into the game. He waves behind him toward me.

I remember it so vividly. I dont know if he remembers or not. I dont look like I did back then. I was short and weighted more. I had long hair that I tucked behind my ears. Then my height kicked in. I grew 5 inches, cut my hair, lost a lot of weight, and put on a little muscle. Because of my light complexion, I got some freckles from being in the sun more. I changed my style, but most importantly I became a shut-in at the same time. I always hid my face, I didnt talk unless I needed to. My voice has deepened a lot.

My depression took a turn because of my mom, then my anxiety. Life sucked. But I'd randomly think about Morin, and I'd be happy. Sorta like a little light in my darkest moments.