𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗲 • 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲

chapter twelve

     bruce had barely left his dorm room. he got a 'doctors note' to miss class, but he had really just wrote them himself. he felt like shit. he had no motivation to do anything, and he didn't want any motivation. he didn't want to talk to anyone, he just wanted to be alone — he wasn't sure that was entirely true. of course, he would continue telling himself that he wanted to be alone, but that was the last thing he wanted. he wanted to be with vance. he wanted to go do stupid shit with vance. everything felt so much slower. days felt like they would never end. and it had only been a single day since vance cut contact. bruce wasn't sure if vance had blocked him, but he didn't dare check for two reasons. one, knowing that he was blocked would hurt, and two, he wanted to respect vance's boundaries.
     he didn't get it. what had he done wrong this time? maybe he rambled too much? he was too annoying? or maybe it was the fact that he- no. bruce hesitantly sits up, wiping his tear stained cheeks. he wasn't going to sit in his room and rot over some boy. he needed find something to do. anything. he just needed out of this stupid building. it was absolutely pouring outside, but he didn't care. he couldn't stand another minute in his room. he grabs a hoodie, quickly slipping it on. he grabs his phone and headphones as well, music would surely help him clear his mind.
he walks for a while, not entirely sure where he was going. eventually, he found himself at a small park. a familiar park, unfortunately. the stupid park with the stupid gazebo. the place where bruce had really fallen for vance. the memories came swirling back, and it hurt. it hurt like hell. he turns to leave, he didn't want to be there. but, to make matters worse, there was none other than vance a little ways behind him. they'd already seen eachother, there was no point in acting like they hadn't now.
bruce inhales deeply — he needed to know what he had done wrong. he needed to find out. so, despite everything in him telling him not to, he made his way over to vance. "hey." he says softly, neither of them dared to look the other in the eye. "uh, hi." vance says in reply. bruce couldn't hold it together anymore. he finally looks at vance, tears already swelling in his eyes. "what did i do?" he says, it was barely audible but yet so loud at the same time. vance meets his gaze. "what- what do you mean?" of course he knew what the other meant. looking at the other hurt vance much more than he'd like to admit. he could feel the tears forming in his own eyes again.
"you know what i mean, vance! what the fuck did i do? you cut contact with me! clearly i did something wrong, just tell me what it is and i promise i'll fix it— please." be practically begs. "i've never been this happy with anymore before.." he holds back a sob. its funny how the person who makes you the happiest often times ends up being the one that hurts you the most too, isn't it? "you- you didnt do anything bruce. i promise, it wasnt you it just—" vance stumbles over his words. he trails off, going silent.
"it just what, vance?!" he was struggling to keep together again. he let out a choked sob. god, that hurt vance. he never wanted to hurt bruce. he wanted to keep him safe. but that was backfiring horrible. "you got hurt because of me! i cant stand that happening to you again, bruce! you're the most important thing in this world to me and i cant stand to see you hurt!"
"i'm already hurt, vance! this hurts way more than any beating i could've gotten from fucking anyone!" it was raining harder and almost dark outside, and here they stood, yelling at eachother. "but this, you'll recover from, bruce. what happens if someone beats you up and you can't recover?! then what? that's all my fault! i cant stand to even risk letting that happen. you deserve better than me, bruce. you deserve someone amazing and kind and-" vance continues, tears streaming down his cheeks. "and someone worthy of your time! i'm not that person. i'm not.." vance inhales. "i'm not a good person."
"you are a good person, vance! and i keep trying to tell you that, you're amazing! in every fucking way. i dont want anyone else! i want you! you're the one that's perfect for me! i've never been this happen before! i've never clicked with someone like this!" vance wanted nothing more than to pull bruce in and tell him it was all going to be okay. he wanted to hold the boy in his arms and promise never to leave, but he couldn't. he wouldn't take that risk. he wouldn't risk bruce being in danger. he just shakes his head, putting his hands in his pockets. "it never would have worked between us, bruce."
it never would have worked between us, bruce. the words echoed in bruce's head. over and over again. he felt like his heart was just ripped out. he just stares at vance. he didn't know what to say. he didn't have anything to say. he was at a loss for words. he wanted to say something, anything. but he felt like all the words he might have were stuck in his throat. vance stares back at him, both boys were at a loss for words. bruce knew vance was right, and vance regretted everything he just said. he regretted it so, so much. but they both knew it was true, and that's what made it hurt so much. they really couldn't work out.
     maybe in another world, in another universe, but not in this one. in this one, they couldn't even be friends. so there they stood, sopping wet and cold, staring at eachother. there was a heaviness in the air. one that had never been there before. vance speaks up one last time. "i love you, bruce." and with that, he gave a soft smile at bruce before turning to walk away, and bruce knew that was the last he would hear from vance, he desperately wished it wouldn't be, but he knew it wasn't up to him. this was really the end of them.
           maybe in another life time.
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word count: 1,115
thinking that the next chapter might be the last, i'm not sure