The Fallen Queen (Winner of the Write Way Award 2013) #Wattys2015 #MyWattysChoice #Featured

Chapter 2: The Awakening

The seven hundred and thirty-something days following my birth passed without leaving a trace in my memory. My life was darkness. I was the Siddhartha before the Buddha.

One day, however, I woke up from this comatose lifestyle. Everything changed. The nothingness that then ruled my life gave way to consciousness. I was conscious of existing. I was finally aware of being someone. I was aware of the gray sky, the sun suddenly illuminating the floor in a square of light. I was there, sitting in the middle of the light. My eyes turned in all directions, recording every detail: the dark beige baseboards the dark carpeted stairs, the door, the table, the windows. I contemplated everything with a metaphysical astonishment. Everything hit me like an electrical shock. I understood Descartes. My mind could not help quoting this infamous philosopher: “I think therefore I am.” Indeed, I am. I exist! I live! I am part of this universe of light and I have left for good the universe of darkness.

Since no man is an island, other people also existed in this world. I knew them from the previous world, but only now did they make sense as separate entities. Jeremy was playing on the stairs. He was laughing. Something amused him. Something that did not exist in the universe of light. He was still in his own universe.

My mother was in the next room. It was a dark room. I wondered how this room could be so dark if, on my side, I was bathing in light. My mother looked old. She had not seen the light for a long time. She must have known that one should avoid the darkness. That is for one’s own sake. Why was she even in the dark?

Suddenly, she came out of the kitchen. Tears furrowed her cheeks and eroded her eyes. She wept because of a letter she had just received. The letter informed her that Jeremy would never be part of our world. He would always live in his own world. Not necessarily in the darkness, but never fully in the light either. He was different from all the other children. He would never achieve the level of education my mother expected of him; he would never read Proust.

Jeremy was mentally challenged.

My mother came up to me without looking at me in the eyes, as if she was ashamed to have created such a creature. She crouched before me. I hugged her. I was her only consolation. I, the normal child.

My arms stretched to reach around her the best I could. I comforted her like a doll, as if she was my baby. I wanted to protect her from all the pain she was feeling, all the disappointment. Her dreams had just crashed against the reality of life.

“Don’t cry, Mother. I’ll protect you.” I said gently to comfort her.

My parents had obviously suspected there was something wrong with my brother. He was four years old and he did not speak yet. My parents had visited numerous doctors and had my brother tested countless times to try to figure out what was wrong with him. Their first thought was that he was deaf because he showed no reaction to what was happening around him. Something could fall behind him and he would not even turn around.

But he was not deaf. He was retarded.

When my mother read the news, she was alone. Alone meaning she was with only Jeremy and I. My father was at work. I was the only one there who could help her feel better. I had to help her, protect her. I also had to protect my brother, protect my whole family. I was obviously the one in whom they could entrust the future of the Egnatiev family. I was now the one with the strongest mind, the one who was the most courageous, and the one with the best intentions. Also, life had not yet imposed its negativism on me. Atlas would have certainly been jealous if he had met me in person: there was no doubt I could carry the Earth better than him!

Days passed and I continued to praise myself. I knew I was the most beautiful and intelligent little girl in the neighborhood. Soon, all the sons of my parents’ friends (at least those who were not already immunized against my charms because of their old age) fell in love with me. They all wanted to marry me in the future, once we were boring and undisputed members of the adult people.