Mind of a Christian - Chapter 2

If I wanted to become a pastor, am I ready?

I have some internal thoughts that I'd like to share. Even though it's primarily about becoming a pastor, I think that it's a common shared experience to have a back-and-forth conversation with yourself as you sit with your thoughts and work through them. Sometimes we procrastinate on it because sifting through thoughts about yourself and the future is difficult, but I think it's a good thing to do.

So, here's one of my contemplation sessions!

From time to time, I thought about switching career fields and going into ministry as a pastor. I think the first time I considered it was in early 2020, when I revisited a church that I previously had a bad experience with. That visit was a welcoming / reconciling experience - there was a heightened joy of being one with a Christian community, and I wanted that to be a central part of my life. At the closing of that service, I thought to myself that I wanted to be a pastor.

But, as with all wise decisions, they shouldn't be finalized in the emotional heat of the moment. I think John Piper mentioned that going into ministry isn't for everyone, and it should involve a longer process to discern whether it's my calling, or just a fleeting idea. It makes sense for any big commitment, but I guess even more so with ministry in particular.

I'd like to think that I'm honoring that principle. The 2020 visit was the initial exciting consideration of being a pastor, and since then, it would still be on my mind. My more recent motivations come from ingesting a lot of material from the BibleProject and Tim Mackie's sermons. I think that the more scholarly approach to Christianity that they do is underrated, and can be equally exciting and important as the pastoral / missional / experiential aspect of the faith.

As I sit down to weigh my motivations, I have to acknowledge that my ego plays a big part into it. I think that Tim Mackie is great, and I want to be great. I want to be known as the guy who has the answers to a lot of faith and scripture based questions. I want to be recognized as someone who people should turn to for advice.

But as a counter-point to that, I found that I grew a lot when my mentors answered my questions as a new Christian. I owe a lot to them for the passion and steadfastness that I have today. If I can be like that to someone, then my joy would be towards seeing them grow in their own excitement and steadfastness. The two aspects of my motivation - self gain and serving others - are not easy to separate, and have been a recurring dissonance whenever I write things for Mind of a Christian.

And yet, I know that as I write this (October 2022), my ego has had a stronger foothold in my motivations. Today, I began reading Ezekiel, and in chapter 3, God told Ezekiel that it's his responsibility to call his own people out on their sins, and that failure to do so will bring consequences on him. God told him that his own people will not be willing to listen. In chapter 4, God told Ezekiel that he will have to bear the sins of Israel and Judah in a tangible way.

Yes, those things are primary expectations of a prophet, but they're still a big and inseparable part in the pastoral role. Would I be ready to bear the burdens of a church community? Am I willing to be responsible for their spiritual health? Would I have the heart to speak difficult things to them, and face pushback? Would I have the commitment to work with a church community when I don't see the change or growth that I was expecting? Being a pastor isn't just hosting bible studies for a living, which sounds fun and comfortable.

I hope that I can get a clearer vision the more I think about this, and I hope that I can also grow in general. After all, I don't have to commit to being a pastor to have a heart for my community and to stop making things be about me.

And so I let these thoughts sit. Facing them has been uncomfortable, but I think that it's an important thing to do - and if you find yourself in a similar situation with your thoughts, I hope that I can encourage you in that you're not alone, and that this hard experience can be good and fruitful :)