Chapter 4

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November first finally arrived and it was my first day of school. My classes consisted of, AP Government, Algebra 2, Science Fiction and Fantasy, Chemistry, Spanish 4, Gym, Animation, Religious Studies, and the rest were Study Halls. Besides my lunch of course, whom I sat with Ian and Kenny. Who grew to be my two best friends.

Needless to say, I got lost.

A lot.

Luckily, I had Ian and Kenny to help me to my classes. Ian and I had didn't have that many classes together.

"I dropped Science after my sophomore year," he explained. "Makes no sense."

"That's ironic."

"How so?" 

"Science explains why things happen," I explained.

Ian nodded.

"I can't believe I only have one class with you guys!" Kenny pouted. That class was gym. 

"These uniforms are itchy," I uttered, to no one in particular. The black blazer was too heavy to wear around all day, and the white button up was okay, if it wasn't so loose on me. 

"You get used to it," Ian chided, as we finally arrived at my first class. "Well, I'll see you at lunch!" 

"Bye!" Kenny added.

The classroom was empty so I decided to just take my seat and go on my phone for the time being. Ian had already sent me a text. 

Whatever the teachers say, don't believe them.

Woah, what?

Whoops! Wrong person lol.

ur good. I texted back. I wonder who it was for, and what he meant by that?

The bell rang a couple minutes later of me listening to Ghost on my phone, and I looked up and saw that the classroom was filled with a lot more boys now. Only a couple of kids walked in mid-lecture.

"Would you like to explain why you're late?" The teacher asked, sneering. The boys didn't even answer and rolled their eyes, I noticed the bags under their eyes and they were probably at whatever party Kenny went to.

The teacher continued on with her lesson and afterwards I headed to my next class.


Animation was by far my favorite. Since everyone else was presenting their projects I got to draw the whole time, which was rather nice. She gave me a notebook filled with blank white pages and I drew quite a few sketches of myself. And maybe one or two of Ian but that's irrelevant.

After Animation I headed to the cafeteria to meet up with Kenny and Ian for lunch. Once we got our lunches we settled at the lunch table enjoying some playful banter.

It was only Monday, so Kenny told me I had to wait until Thursday to vape. I can wait that long, I told myself.

A boy who was probably a year older then us (a Senior), came up behind Kenny and rubbed his shoulders, whispering something me and Ian (who were sitting across from him), couldn't hear. Kenny simply waved him off and he smirked.

"Was that your Halloween Hookup?" Ian smirked, unable to hold back a chuckle. I complied.

"Don't make me sound like such a whore!" Kenny laughed. "He's different."

Ian laughed, it was a rather bold laugh, boisterous and proud, but he seemed to be sincere. "Please! You haven't been serious with anyone in a long time!"

"It's not like you have either!" Kenny flashed a look at me and smirked. I may have blushed as I avoided his gaze. "Oh come on! The chemistry between you two is so obvious!"

It was Ian's turn to be embarrassed this time. "We're just friends Kenny," I assured. 

Was it my imagination or did Ian just frown? Even if he did it had been there, it was gone and replaced with a smirk as quick as it came. "Aww come on Nathan," he teased. "You don't like me even just a little bit?"

I flushed, then I remembered my vow. Never be vulnerable

"Maybe," I chuckled. Stick to one word answers, I told myself, trying not to panic. Maybe "panic" is an overreaction. I did like Ian, he was fairly attractive and a nice person. But the idea of being in an actual relationship or being intimate with someone is new, and overwhelming to me. Still, I wasn't going to be petty.

"Do you like seeing me shirtless?" Ian chuckled. Kenny smirked, keeping quiet for the first time ever.

"It's possible," I smiled.

"What if I showed you-" Thankfully the bell cut him off and I could drop the act. I made sure not to sigh of relief until I had made it to my next class, just to make sure Ian and Kenny wouldn't see.

It's not like I don't trust them. I'm sure if they realized how overstimulating it was for me they'd drop the all the teasing. But I don't want them to see me differently then they do. I want to be known as the easygoing guy who doesn't really care all that much. Not the petty dude who gets disturbed by everything, because that wasn't who I was. 


When the school day finally ended I was exhausted and headed straight to my dorm room, a little nervous to interact with Ian considering when we last saw each other, but that was over two hours ago.

If he was serious (which I doubt), he would've forgotten about that by now.

And of course as soon as I walked in, I saw Ian, shirtless and laying on the bed with his lap top open, probably working on homework. 

When he heard the door open he looked up from the screen and looked at me, and smiled. "Hey," he said. "How was your first day?"

"Fine," I answered.

"You alright?" 

I nodded, keeping my gaze on the floor. I almost didn't notice my hands were trembling, a lot more shaky then usual.

"If it was about what happened at lunch I wasn't serious," Ian clarified. Clearly nervous that I might have been a little disturbed.

I wasn't. I told myself. I seemed to be talking to myself a lot more lately.

"Do you have any vapes?" I asked him, feeling the urges piling up.

"I don't think so, let me check to be sure," Ian started rummaging through his bag and his dresser to see if he had anything. With the pig sty of his room it's amazing that he can find a pair of matching socks.

I settled down on my bed, picking up the novel I was reading, and flipping to the page where I kept my bookmark. I sighed, and started reading, traveling to the world of fairytales, trying to ignore real life struggles. 

Oddly enough, I found it hard to focus on my book, I kept coming up with questions like; "Does everyone else get as nervous as I do?" "Why do I want to know what being intimate is like, but when I do I freak out?"

"Sorry, I couldn't find any," Ian shrugged apologetically. 

"No wonder," I chuckled, acknowledging the giant mess of Ian's room. He rolled his eyes but I could see the smirk tugging at the corner's of his mouth. 

My stomach fluttered, I liked seeing Ian smile. Was that weird? Do friends think that of each other? My face grew hot as he bent down to pick up all the piles of dirty laundry. 

"I'm going to take these to the laundry room," he said nonchalantly. I simply nodded and tried to collect my thoughts as he left. 

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