The Un-Summoners | A Rain-Ghoul Fanfiction

12. It Always Burns

Grandma always told me not to act out of emotions. Well, I didn't care anymore. I didn't care that everyone saw me crying as I angrily walked from Papa's office, to Rain's bedroom in the water-tower.

''What the fuck Rain!'' I screamed at him as I opened up his door without knocking. He was sitting on his bed, tuning his bass. ''Satan, you scared me. What's wrong?'' He asked, while he looked up from his bass. ''What's wrong? What's wrong? How dare you ask me what's wrong? Like, I don't know, maybe the fact that you almost killed a human once and you didn't even tell me? And let me think, oh, yes! That's right! That human happened to be my old pastor. Don't get me wrong, the dude's a fucking creep but he didn't deserve that! Rain, I don't know if I can trust you anymore. Because you don't tell me stuff like that and you are capable of killing someone. And... And it's just...'' I felt my tears burn in my eyes.

''How am I supposed to feel safe with you now that I know this?''

I burst out crying. ''Can I give you a hug?'' Rain asked. ''If you want me to stay away from you I understand.''

I wanted to stay away from him. I wanted to punch him in his stupid face and tell him how much I hated him. I wanted to scream. But all I did was nod.

Rain got up from his bed and walked closer towards me. He put his arms around me and started to make circles on my back with his thumb. ''I- I don't want you to be scared of me, Eve. And nothing that I could say right now would make right what happened, but can I tell you the entire story? I just want you to know what happened.'' A soft ''okay'' is all that I could say right now.

''Okay, so a couple of years ago, this important book full of dark magic got stolen from the church. I forgot it's name, but some people can summon ghouls with it.''

"Liber Magicae Tenebris", I knew.

''This book is the only connection between earth and hell, where we come from. It was extra important for me at the time, because my grandma was very sick. I went back to hell very often to visit her. I knew that she didn't have much time left, so I wanted to be with her as often as possible.'' He continued. ''The pastor stole it himself. He acted like he was one of us to get close to the book.''

Yea, I've heard of that tactic before.

''But, I caught him while he was stealing it. Me, and all the other ghouls had always felt uncomfortable around him. That day I found out why. He was wearing a crucifix on a chain, that was hidden underneath his clothes. He grabbed the crucifix to protect himself when I confronted him about the fact that he was stealing the book. I wasn't going to do anything to him, but he attacked me first.''

Rain started to unbutton the first few buttons of his shirt, revealing a scar in the shape of a crucifix. It was the exact same shape as the crucifix pastor Robertson had given me. I hid it in one of my desk's drawers.

''He put the crucifix on my chest and it burned so much.''

His voice crack, he was starting to cry as well now.

''It burns Eve, it always burns.''

He breathed in and out before he started to talk again. ''I'd never felt so much pain before in my entire life. And it still burns. It will always burn. I've tried to cool it with ice packs, but nothing helps.''

He buttoned up his shirt again.

''Anyways, that's when I got mad. And then I- and then I did what I did. I didn't want to kill him but- I'm sorry.''

I buried my face in his chest and more tears started to stream out of my eyes, making Rain's shirt wet. ''I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!'' I screamed, while I softly punched his shoulder. ''But you know what? I hate myself even more. You would fucking hate me if you knew the truth about me. Satan, I'm such a hypocrite.''

Rain grabbed me by my shoulders and looked me in my eyes for a second, only to realize that it makes me uncomfortable when people do that, so then he looked away again. ''There's nothing you could do that would make me hate you, Eve. Remember; "If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting".'' I smiled through the tears. ''"Time after time".'' I finished his sentence. But my smile didn't last for long. ''You would catch this Eve, but I'm not who you think I am. I... I don't know if I can do this for much longer.''

''What do you mean?''

I wanted to scream that I'm a spy. That we're enemies. That he should kill me right now. But I couldn't, because I loved him.

I wish I could marry him, and live happily ever after in the church with Roy, Nali, Papa, and all the ghouls. Maybe we'll even have some cute baby human-ghouls, if that is even possible. He could show me hell so that I could meet his family. I didn't even know if that was possible either, but it didn't matter since I was going to hell anyways.

So ''nothing'' was all that I could say to him.

Maybe I could try to forget my quest and live in this church forever? No, I couldn't do that to grandma. My old life as a Chirstian was good. Hell, I didn't even know anymore if I was still a Christian. God and Jesus had always illuminated my path when I was lost. I couldn't just drop them like that. But I could only feel guilty about doing that if they existed. And right now, I didn't even know if they did.

''Rain?'' I looked up at him. ''What is it?'' ''Does heaven exist?'' ''Yes, of course it does, Eve.'' ''But what if I go to heaven and you go to hell?'' ''Oh silly,'' he said, ''you're one of us now. You aren't going to heaven. You will go to hell with me, and all the other ghouls and satanists. So you won't miss me. Hell isn't even that bad either, there's loads of rock and metal music being played over there. But there's also quiet parts of hell to calm down if it's too much for you.''

He was right. I was going to hell if I kept pretending to be a satanist for much longer. I was starting to believe in my own lie. I had to find this book for God, Jesus, and grandma. They've never let me down. It wasn't an easy task, breaking all the ghouls and satanists hearts, but it had to be done.

''Rain?'' I said. ''I just wanted you to know that what you did was not right, and you know that. But I am willing to forgive you for it. Pastor Robertson is still alive, but he has caused a religious trauma within me. And I will never forgive him for that.'' I lied about the religious trauma part.

Rain sighed in relief. ''Thank you, I never thought you would forgive me over this, which is exactly why I didn't tell you. But now that you know my deepest, darkest secret, I will tell you anything that you want to know about me.'' ''Anything?'' ''Yup, anything.'' I thought for a second. ''Have you ever had a girlfriend?'' Rain laughed. ''Yes, in hell I did, when I was a young teenager. She was a very nice ghoulette, but our families didn't get along very well. We were kinda like Romeo and Juliette, except, you know, we didn't die at the end.'' ''Oh, I know how that feels. I also used to have a girlfriend but her Christian parents didn't approve of it.''

''I didn't know you were-'' ''Only for 50%.'' I jokingly said. Rain laughed. ''Oh, so I do still have a chance?''

I think my heart skipped a beat when he said that. ''Yes, you do in fact still have a chance. But only if you don't kill me.'' Rain's facial expression shifted from relieved to serious. I laughed. ''Sorry, too soon? You know, maybe you'll still have a chance if you do kill me, because you can just visit me in hell anytime you want.'' Rain could laugh about it too now. ''I love your type of humor, Eve.''