Orquidea

Too Godlike

I find it difficult to live.Yes,existing,to breathe is easy,but I am not living.My consciousness is the only one who knows my name,I live so much in my head.Too much.

I always seem to be too much.

Too correct.

Too honest.

Too sharp-eyed.

Too sharp-tongued.

Too observing,over all.I seem to not be able to hold back.That is my only bad trait, I suppose.

Even if I lie most of the time,I always have to comment.Have to explain why what is wrong and right.

Guess I am the only one who doesn't get bored of all this inner monologue.

But what insane being gets bored of fear?

I wasn't insane from the start,I started going insane after I find I'm the only one who thinks and tries to understand.I want to understand everything,but commit to nothing.I hate deadlines and I hate hand-writing.

All I want to do is think my sane being away.Is that too much to ask for?

Let me go insane, insane from thinking.I will burn out too eventually,let me indulge in this fire a bit more.

Thinking is one of the many things you learn from solitude and hiding.You have time to learn how to be self-aware and still accept all you and your sins.Your sins are a part of you,my bad,I worded it wrong.

Sin is you,you are sin.I've thought about how many I've killed to fill my hunger and thirst,and I know I am still a demon to never be accepted,but I am a living being,and humans act as if their hands aren't bloodied aswell.

Humans are blind to their wrong doings,or so they want to be.They close their eyes and turn away,but they all gather round to see anothers
trial of punishment.That is dumb, human nature after all.

It is quite lonely,but I made it work with a bit of insane thoughts.I went to the deepest ends of hell,and crept back up.I will not fall to silence.That would be pathetic,as silence is one of the few wonders of Earth.

Ah,silence,the first step of eternity.To be in complete silence,to not even think,that quiet.I have only achieved one bit of silence,for my mind still runs free.To touch complete silence,you must know everything and not have to think further.To reach the rock bottom of the human mind.But I am not greedy by nature.I am content with the little silence I have.