Orquidea

Hearts longing

But is love worth it?Is it worth existing?

Is it worth letting another know what I live by?

Love will only result in a broken heart and mess of a mind.

But love holds you close and whispers sweet little nothings.Love warms your hands and soothes cries.

But how would I know?I have never loved and I haven't been loved.I would not be able to handle tenderness,for I don't know which one will break.Will I bite the hand that caresses me or will I break under the touch?

I don't think I could be loved tenderly.

I would just become a mess.I am too much accustomed to harsh feelings.I only feel adrenaline nowadays.

I want love that leaves marks.I want to be held so tightly,that I don't know if they're trying to suffocate me or they're scared I'll slip out of their hands.I want to be loved so dearly I will break.I want to fall to my knees from all the harshness of it.

I want love to hit like a truck.I want love to bite.I want love that stays long after the partner is gone.I want love that keeps me up crying over how all the love is tearing my heart out.

But who could love a ruined girl more than another cursed girl?

I am far too detached to go out and exist to someone.I am much too attached to this solitude.But I know I don't need love to survive.Maybe love would make me feel alive,but I don't need it,and maybe I don't want it.

I would be much too scared to let anyone in.My heart may be colder than the winter snow,only a freezing being wouldn't die in such a heart.But is there one as ruined as me?

Love is such a trivial thing.

Akin to hate.

Yes,maybe I truly want love disguised as hate,what an unusual thing for such an unusual being.

But to be loved and love,is to let someone in and break down all the doors,and make both of us look inside.Perhaps I as one is more scared of my true nature than another.

I am human and I will break under such love,maybe that is what I want.No matter how much I deny, I am only human and I will break.I want a love that hits like an avalanche and buries you underneath.

Because I love adrenaline.Could I survive such a love? It is unknown to one,that is the kick of it all.I was dragged to hell and crept back up,but I have never been loved.

The unknown of it all is sure to pique a demon who has never felt love's interest.