Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER FIVE: ROCK BOTTOM

2013

Elijah stared out the window from the back seat, watching trees and homes zip by in a blur as Jay drove and Mitch sat in the passenger seat. Rock bottom had hit him hard, but it still took Elijah too damn long to admit it to himself, or others.

It was his own fault. He'd opened up Pandora's box when he knew what would wait for him inside. Even though he walked away from cocaine before it consumed him, never going back to buy it after Mitch dumped his one and only bag, it wasn't so easy with booze. He craved it because for at least the first year, he'd craved the end.

By the second year, he already felt dead. At least, inside. Elijah had tried support groups, but sobriety would only last a few days at most. Then he'd end up right back at the bar or in the liquor store. Mitch called him a survivor on repeat, trying to remind him of a courage he thought was gone forever.

The wake-up call came when he'd forgotten to show up at Jay's wedding. Elijah hadn't even realized it was Saturday that day, thinking he still had two more days to sober up enough to at least look functioning. Sunday rolls around, and there Jay is in his apartment instead of being at home with his new bride. The bride who'd begged him to just walk away from a friendship that was causing him more grief than anything else.

In Elijah's drunken stupor, he apparently admitted to needing rehab, so that's where they were going now. When they both showed up at his apartment and told him where they were going, Elijah almost fought them on it. Then he realized he had no more fight left in him. "How long?"

Mitch didn't so much as flinch when Elijah's words cut through the silence. "Ninety days," he responded. "They'll get you on the right medications for your mental health issues. You'll have access to therapists who have more experience dealing with people with your sort of past and present, and I'll be able to visit you every week."

Elijah nodded at no one in particular, then went back to looking out the window. "Does Madeline know?"

A long pause took over the quiet car before Mitch spoke up. "She knows everything. I had to stop her a few times from going over to your place. Maddie wants you to get better, Elijah. She needs you to get better, because she blames herself."

"She shouldn't," Elijah responded quickly. "The last of the good in me is her fault, but not the rest. The rest is on me."

Two years after walking out on her, and Elijah was still just as in love with her as he was the first time he kissed her. Hell, before that even. The kiss only confirmed what he already knew. The love he felt for her could be the biggest and greatest love the world had ever known, and he wasn't even with the woman. Hadn't even seen her in two damn years.

She sent him texts sometimes, begging him to get help. Twice, she even asked if she could come over to talk. Elijah declined. She had the most beautiful face he'd ever laid eyes on, and couldn't bear the thought of seeing it. Not without being able to hold her. Not without being able to kiss her lips. And most definitely, not in the condition he was now. And that condition was the only reason she wanted to see him.

"The recovery will be on you, too," Mitch responded before taking a slow breath. "She wrote you a letter. It's in the glove box. I honestly don't know if it'll help or just send you right back to where you were a year ago."

A year ago, back when he was violently drunk, not just numbingly drunk. Before he'd run out of anger and fight.

"How about you read it first and decide for yourself? You can give it to me at one of the family sessions if you think I'm ready."

Mitch slowly nodded before resting his temple against the cool window in the front seat. "She gave me something else to give to you. Didn't even realize she still had it until I saw her crying into it after the breakup."

One of the defining moments of Elijah's life. The break of not only their relationship, but of themselves. Madeline pieced herself together about six months in. From what he'd been told, she never got as bad as him, but suffered through her pain in a quieter, less destructive way. It was finding out she'd begun dating that sent him over this last edge, causing him to get too damn drunk to remember his best friend was getting married.

Elijah tried telling himself it was a good thing she was moving on with her life. She was trying to find happiness, and she deserved all of it. But it still hit him like a bag of bricks to the brain and chest.

He'd ended up in so many drunken stupors wondering if she'd lost her virginity to someone yet, if she was thinking of him less and less, if she was flourishing in her life while he was still an absolute wreck. His love for her could move mountains, and he ended up moving that mountain right on top of his own body.

But he needed to live his life for himself. He needed to get sober because he wanted something better that wasn't attached to her. He needed to find his own identity that wasn't attached to a ghost of a love that was over before it began.

His M&M still kept him close in her thoughts, caring at a distance as she picked up the pieces of her life and put them back together. That meant something to Elijah. His best friend he hadn't seen in two years still gave a shit about a train wreck like him.

The possibilities of what she gave her father were endless. So many things he'd given her, or she'd taken or kept. "If it's the prism, I'm going to tell you right now that it would set me back." That would seem to be final, giving that back to him. Yes, they were over. Their relationship was over, and their friendship was over. But feeling that certain end and being reminded of it would be like the final nail in the coffin.

"Jiffy the purple giraffe," Mitch told him with a small chuckle. "Apparently she wants it back, but said you can keep it for as long as you need to. Said it'll give you courage."

"I'm going to need it," Elijah told him. "The courage, not necessarily the giraffe."

Mitch turned in his seat to look at him. "You already have it, or you wouldn't be in this car right now."