Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER NINE: LIFE MOVES ON

2015

"My name's Elijah, and I'm an alcoholic," Elijah told the room, then took a cup of his watered down coffee.

"Hi, Elijah."

He gave them a curt nod, his eyes scanning the crowd briefly. He'd just moved to this part of the city. New crowd, new building, but everything about it seemed exactly the same as the last place. "I've been sober now for two and a half years, and I thought I was doing okay. Then I got a call from my family, telling me my ex-girlfriend was engaged. I went to the nearest bar, bought the drink, and stared at it for a good five minutes before walking away.

"My dad was a heavy drinker, and his father before that. I worked my ass off to break the cycle. After getting shit-faced when I was seventeen, I didn't have another drink until I was thirty, celebrating when my ex came back into my life.

"She was the girl the girl next door, literally. I was there every day of her life for seven years. At eighteen, I stopped being my dad's punching bag, packed up all my shit, and left.

"I didn't see any of them until my dad died when I was thirty. It was then I found out my ex and I were living in the same city, only a few miles apart, for two years. I suppose I can't really call her my ex. She was the love of my life, but I hadn't even had time to take her on our first date before her dad brought up giving him grandkids one day.

"We'd only kissed for the first time early that morning, but I lost her before we even had a chance to really start. I had her in my life for two weeks, and those weeks were the best in my life. I could see she wanted children one day, and who I was then, I didn't see a universe where I'd be a decent father, let alone passing down my family genes, so we walked away from each other. That was the reason I gave her, anyhow, but there was a lot more to it.

"Twelve years of waiting to have my best friend back, and instead I got a sort of love that great books are written about. I lost it all, and I spiraled. I drank like I didn't want a tomorrow, because I didn't. Madeline was my one shot at true happiness, and losing her felt like losing a lifeline. Losing a reason.

"Her dad, who's always felt like my true dad, and my friend Jay were the one who helped me get sober after two years of drinking myself into oblivion. I joined support groups, doubled up on the gym to get my anger out, and added in more therapy. I've been taking college courses online, and already have my Associates of Arts in psychology, which got me a job in a rehab center, but more than anything it's helped me understand myself better. Now I'm working on my Associate of Science in construction project management. My record makes it so a lot of jobs are off the table, but I enjoy learning. It gives my mind somewhere to focus on.

"My biggest help was bulldozing my dad's old place. I inherited it, and paid the property taxes, but after I got sober, I went back when I knew it would be awhile before she came home, and smashed that place to high hell before the machinery came in and did the rest of the work.

"Next time I visited that town and her parents, I didn't feel the weight I did before. It didn't magically cure me, but gave me peace, I guess. In a way I'd never been before. My friends helped me build a new house, which is almost complete, and I've always avoided building when she was home, staying here and losing a weekend."

Every time Elijah had to say her name aloud, it was like a fresh wound opening up he knew would never heal. "Last time I improved myself when the anger got the best of me, because I wanted to be better for her. My memory of her, and knowing someday I'd be back in her life... I didn't just want to be a shell. This time, when the bottle got the best of me, I improved for myself for me. But even then, she managed to help at a distance.

"It's been a tough road, and there were so many days I wanted to give up, and just let death take me. But I pushed through and found a light at the tunnel that wasn't her, but still something I could work toward. I've been doing well until this afternoon, when I got the call.

"I told her this was what I wanted for her. I wanted her to find someone who would let her love him back, who would give her a family and a steady, happy life. Now she's found it, and I'm proud of her, but it's like my fate's sealed now, you know?

"Anyhow, that's my story, and that's why I'm here tonight."

"Thank you for sharing, Elijah," the counselor told him, as the rest gave that polite clap that annoyed him off every time.

Elijah listened to the next person speak; a woman in her mid-fifties, by his guess, who became sober for her grandchildren. She'd done so once before, after fighting for custody of her kids during her divorce fifteen years prior, but when she lost custody, she lost her will to stay sober. When her elder daughter gave birth to twins last year, they offered her a chance to be in her grandchildren's life with only one stipulation.

That was the thing. In order to get sober, not only do you have to want it, you had to have something to fight for.

Then there was remaining sober. Some people just needed determination. He'd seen it a few times. Someone who checks themselves out of rehab after a few days, and remains clean through sheer force of willpower. Those people were his hero's, but most alcoholics weren't so lucky.

There were triggers you had to avoid. You had to avoid stress, which was becoming easier for him the more time passed, and the more he kept his mind busy with school and building the house. Today was a hitch in the road, but Elijah had overcome it.

You had to avoid certain environments, which he was a natural at since he mostly just stayed at home to study. Sometimes his friends from his old job would stop over on a weekday, just to hang out. Otherwise, he'd only see them when they helped with the house.

Then there was recognizing the warning signs of relapses, hence the meeting today, when her parents called to tell him the news. It wasn't the relationship she'd just begun right before he entered rehab, but one she only started a year ago.

Madeline had attempted to call to tell him the news on the phone, but Elijah declined the call. No matter how much time passed, the thought of hearing her phone again still wrecked him. So she sent a letter, which turned into a long diary entry almost. She apologized for everything that happened between them, as if she'd done something wrong, and talked about her nerves now that her relationship had grown more serious.

It wasn't an easy thing to read, but Elijah had promised himself to stand tall in front of his issues rather than run away from them as he always had before he got sober.

The first six months of sobriety were the worst. The cravings, the mood swings and anxiety. The depression. So many issues he'd always had, only multiplied by ten. His friends did their best to help, and Mary and Mitch had come up most every weekend to pitch in. They offered to stop by tonight, already in the city for the celebration of Madeline's engagement.

There were a lot of other steps and other issues, but Elijah had made it through. Was still making it through. Every day was another step in a direction better than the one he'd come from, though he still didn't know where in the hell it led to.