CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: RAISING HATE

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It was dark by the time Elijah returned to his apartment, having to use three different keys to get in this time around. But as soon as the door closed behind him, Elijah just closed his eyes and leaned against it.

"Where the hell have you been, Elijah?" Mitch questioned. "I've been calling you for an hour. So help me God, if you're drunk-"

"I'm not drunk." But he didn't doubt for a second he looked like he was. Even stone cold sober, Elijah could feel his legs wobbly beneath him, his body swaying against the door. And the light in this room, even with his eyes closed, was borderline painful. "It was tempting, but this is just exhaustion, I promise."

"Jay said your grandfather showed up in town. Needed to tell you something. He was worried, so I got worried, and no one could get a hold of you." The words spewed from Mitch's mouth until he took a moment to breathe. "I'm sorry I accused you.'

Elijah waved it off and forced himself to open his eyes. Madeline was curled up in a blanket, her gaze pleading for something from the recliner. Answers, reassurance. Something. "Today, I found out why Harrison hated me so fucking much."

"Because he was a hateful man, Elijah," Mary chimed in from the kitchen entryway. He hadn't even noticed she was there. "It was nothing you did."

"You're right," Elijah agreed. "All I had to do was exist. Her and I were a packaged deal. Then my mom died, and he was stuck raising a son that wasn't even his."

Mitch took a step back, nearly running into his entertainment center. "I'm sorry, are you saying-"

"I'm saying that Harrison was only my father on paper. How's that for a mind blow?" Elijah spoke with a tired, half-hearted laugh. "I'm so fucking tired. Now I have to call Jay, and I promised him I'd call my sponsor and I don't fucking feel like it."

"I'll call Jay," Mitch told him. "Your sponsor can wait until morning. I don't think you'd even have the energy to drive to the bar right now."

Elijah nodded his agreement before he looked over at Madeline. "I hate to kick you out of the living room, but your dad won't be able to carry you up the stairs."

Madeline glanced over at her mom, then her dad, then tossed her blanket over to the couch and raised her arms to be lifted.

This was the first time since she'd been there that Elijah struggled with every step.

"Are you okay?" Madeline spoke into the crook of his neck.

"So much shit this week," was all Elijah could think to say to her. He'd led a quiet life these last two years. School, drawing, keyboard, work, the gym, therapy. He'd only hang out with his friends once a month, Jay more, since he didn't give him a choice. On weekends he'd work on the house, and on week nights he'd stay home. He stayed busy with only predictable things. "Remind me I have therapy tomorrow, because I'm going to forget."

"I'm sorry I turned your life upside down."

Once Elijah finally took the last step, he looked down at the woman in his arms. "You're the good part, M&M. Never forget that."

He laid her body on the bed and draped the blanket over her body. "Alright, I'm going to go crash."

Just as Elijah turned to leave the room, Madeline spoke up. "You're not even going to give me time to ask?"

It was then Elijah remembered the conversation they'd had early that morning. "A lot's happened since then." So much so, that it felt like they'd had the conversation three days ago. "I guess I was just trying to avoid having something else on my brain."

Madeline looked up at him with those beautiful doe eyes of hers. "Sleep next to me tonight. You need me close so I can bring you back from all those dark thoughts floating around up there. That's still my job, isn't it? To calm you and bring you back?"

He never stood a chance against this woman. The pessimist in him was struggling to believe the words came out of her mouth, and it was really just some weird fever dream from being this unbearably drained. But a dream would have the tidied up version of them, and they were both hot messes. "It's always been your job, even in the times you weren't in my life."

Elijah tossed his wallet on the dresser, then his belt on the chair, just as he had the night before. "I need to at least grab my pajama pants from downstairs. I can't sleep in jeans again tonight."

"Can you bring me into the bathroom first?" Madeline asked quickly.

Elijah turned away from the door and went back to pick Madeline up. But when she lifted her arms to be carried, they instead wrapped around his neck and just looked at him.

It would have been easy to kiss her. The way she was looking up at him with those eyes that burned right into his soul, Elijah could see her desire within them. Instead, he pressed his lips to her forehead, allowing his lips to linger there for a beat. "You showing me we have a chance is enough for me right now, M&M. Hell, it's more than I thought possible. I want us to take our time until you can fully trust I won't break your heart again."

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