Just Give Me a Reason

A/N: Liam and Harry's alter on the side.

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I stood next to Liam as he smiled with joy and happiness. He was so damn happy but I was not. Harry was happy but I was not, but my happiness didn't matter right now. Right now it was their moment to shine, to ravel in the glory, to stand at the alter and commit to one another and recite beautifully written vowels and make promises to each other that would be hard to keep in the long run. They were happy and I had a huge plastic grin plastered on my face but next to me was Niall, whose smile was genuine. He loved them dearly. Liam was his best friend after all and who couldn't love Liam?

He had to be one of the best most generous, genuine, thoughtful people i'd ever known. Then behind Niall were some of Liam's family whose names I didn't know. On Harry's side stood Louis, his best friend. It was funny how they were best friends when they were so different. Louis was loud and confident and brash at times. Harry was a much more quite person with a reserved personality. Only thing they had in common was their perverted since of humor.

Opposites attract.

Behind him stood Gemma, Harry's sister and his mother Anna.Everyone was excited for the couple. Tying the knot was always a joyous occasion. The energy rumbling off the congregation was palatable. They put the rings on each other and turned toward each other. My smile faltered a bit with the glimpse of their hands clasped tightly together.

What was my deal?

I should be ecstatic over two of my best friends getting married, starting a new life together, moving on but I was bitter. So sue me. I could admit it to myself, I just couldn't admit it to him.

Not here, not now.

It was too late and i had long since missed my ship. The priest announced that they may now kiss and the people watching went crazy. Clapping and cooing like a new born baby had just sneezed. After that everything went by in a blur because my brain as on zombie mode. I was laughing at the right time, feeding myself, talking to everyone but I was feeling nothing. Only one moment stood out to me during the whole reception. We as the best friends were supposed to dance with the grooms. I'd had my time with Liam and it was on to Harry. He was already on the floor so I took him from someone else.

He looked amazing in his suit as we swayed to the music soundlessly.

"Thanks for coming." He said breaking the silence. I nodded then spun us. I had no words to say. I just wanted to take in his smell and the way he liked to wear his hair, all curly and windswept.

"Zayn I..." He started but i cut him off with a curt nod. We didn't have to talk.

I didn't want to talk. What was there left to say anyway?

"Just let me have this moment." I whispered in his ear. He understood what I meant. He knew what I needed and I silently thanked him for that. He was so beautiful. We stayed in that glorious embrace until the song ended in which I released him, reluctantly.

I was doing so in more that one way.

I smiled half heartedly and walked away but before I did I saw his eyes brimming with something. Pity perhaps? I soon left the reception after that. I couldn't stand to stay at such a happy place.

It would be awesome to say I went to my hotel room and relaxed. That I took a soothing shower and wanked to some ordered porn. That I ordered food service and went to sleep but I would be lying. Ridiculously so.

The tears started before I could hit the hotel lobby. I saw the looks from the other guests but I didn't care because with every punch of the elevator button my rage grew. I reached my floor in a hurry and slammed the door behind me. From that point my emotions took over and I went on a dizzy rampage.

I flipped chairs and tables that were nestled next to my bed. Put my fists through walls and ripped sheets and blankets alike. None of this mattered. None of this mattered anymore because the one thing that did matter to me was snatched away. Somewhere between the emotional rampage and brief but frequent sobbing spells I had fallen asleep.

I woke to my face itching from the carpet and my pants twisted around. The room was a wreck but I ignored it and showered. I was supposed to stay for the weekend but I knew leaving now would be best for me.

That was almost four years ago and I tried to forget that wedding and everything that came along with it but that was hard to do with the hefty bill I got from the hotel for damage. I went back to Bradford.

My hometown, my favorite place.

At least things here were familiar to me opposed to Holmes Chapel where I knew nothing. We all lived in Bradford, it was the place where we all went to university. I lived in a loft in the city which was fine with me.

I loved the fast paced life. Louis and Niall were room mates and they lived not to far from me. In fact I liked to visit them from time to time. It was Harry and Liam who were a little more disconnected. They lived in the suburbs on the outskirts of Bradford. They hadn't received a visit from me in over a year. I called but that was the extent of my involvement in their lives.

They didn't need me and I didn't want them.

So i don't know if i am going to continue this story. I hate leaving stories unfinished. It makes me want to cry but people aren't reading this and i don't want to waste my time but i want to give the people what they want so if you want me to continue comment.