Just Give Me a Reason

Chapter 5

Harry and Liam house on the side.

The song on the side represents this chapter perfectly. I love this song and I hope you will to.

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 My heart was hammering in my chest like I had just swum the English Channel. I was so pathetic and really scared. I hadn't even been picked up yet and I was already contemplating not going. It would be fucked up for me to back out now and just leave them hanging. I really wanted to, but I was bringing the food and something else stopped me.

 I promised Harry.

 I shouldn't have done that because now every fiber of my being was aching to get out of it. I could have called and cancelled, but I knew Harry would be very disappointed. He was sensitive like that and I had already hurt him beyond repair way add on more shit? Louis and Niall were coming to pick me up and then we would drive all the way to the outskirts of Bradford to where the suburban developments laid.

 Harry always did have an obsession with being all domestic and house wife like. Honestly when we were together and he first told me this I was immediately hard. I just couldn't stop thinking about him walking around in some pink frilly apron cooking with tight yellow panties on. That night was the first time we had sex. He was amazing and I loved hearing him moan and whimper my name.

 I never did tell him my fantasy or about my panty fetish, but just thinking about it had me ready to blow. Last night when that guy offered me sex, not only did I decline because of Harry, but he wanted me to bottom. I was not the bottoming type. I tried it once and the pain was too much for me so I never did it again. Harry liked to bottom when we had sex. He said he preferred it that way which was just another thing that made me love him.

 He would do anything for me.

 Then I went and cheated on him. After everything was said and done and he was through with me I wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but I couldn't totally do that. For some time I had the temptation to cheat. It was like Harry was my main course, but I really, really wanted some dessert. I don't know why I felt such a stupid temptation now that I think about it. Harry was giving me everything I needed, but when I would go out with my friends and they were hitting on people and getting numbers, I felt left out.

 I wanted to be having fun like them and partying it up. At the party, mixed with the drinking, the egging on from my friends and the general atmosphere, I felt compelled to do what I did and paid a price that was too heavy, but I only realized that after the fact because in the moment I laughed.

 Like a damn loon, I did.

 A car horn broke me away from my too frequented, depressing thoughts. I looked out the curtain and saw it was Louis and Niall waiting patiently. I mustered all the courage I had, resisting the urge to not go out and lock my front door, but instead grabbed the food from the refrigerator and walked out like I was going to my death. The gallows awaited.

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 I watched apprehensively as we approached the suburban homestead. It looked so clean and clear cut like nothing was supposed to be different. The houses were all built the same and the lawns were the same and it was quiet and just...boring.  I hated this place already. It was everything I wasn't. It just reminded me of everything I would never be.

Clean.

 Wholesome.

 Deserving of Harry's love.

 It felt silly to hate a home development, but in turn it just made me think of Liam and how I was nothing like him. He was good for Harry and we all knew it. He was things that Harry needed to have to make sure he was well and loved. I loved Liam and thought of him as a dear friend, but I couldn't help the slight hatred I had simmering under the surface for him. He had the very thing I wanted. The very thing I would literally kill for if I had to.