Faded Blue Jeans

letting him go

it's 1:15 in the morning and you're all i can think about. I'm driving down the same road we drove almost every time we were together. I remember how we would joke about who was the better driver, the same road where I knew I was in love with you. I'm going to the same spot we would go, the OG spot as you would call it. The spot where we hung out for the first time. We were in your car, in the backseat. you laid your head on my chest and I ran my fingers through your hair. The same spot where I remember thinking this one's gonna hurt. I knew it was going to hurt, I knew it was going to crush me. But I didn't know it was gonna feel like this. I didn't know I wasn't gonna be able to sleep, eat, or even think about anything else but you. I remember it rained, just a slight drizzle. i used to love the rain, but all it does is bring back the memories. The memories of what was and what could've been. The memories of thinking I meant more than what I actually did. To think that you actually felt something for me. That they weren't just lies that you were telling me. it's been three hours and all I wanna do is add you back on Snapchat. Just to say I'm sorry even though I have nothing to be sorry for. To tell you that I'll stop acting crazy if you just give me a chance. I'm coming to the realization that this will always just be a parking spot. where I once thought it was gonna last forever. I never believed, giving my body to someone meant something until I gave it to you. It's quiet here, a little too quiet. I would give anything to have you sitting in my passenger seat again, talking about anything and everything. I think a part of me will always love you. I think part of me will always come back here and remember everything that happened. I also know a part of me will get over this. The part that misses and loves you, but just wants to feel you again. the part that always yearned for your touch, the part that always took out my backseat just to have you closer. My eyelashes are still in the back. I don't have it in me to remove them. I also know I'll always be waiting for a notification from you even if it's just a hi. for the first time in 22 years, I fully know what it means to love somebody and to always want the best for them. I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be to let you go. I know that if you do message me, I'll go back. That's just what you do when you're stupid and young and in love. I know I wasn't enough for you, but I know I'll be enough for somebody someday. It just sucks that I couldn't be you. The leaves are changing and it's sad. they're changing before we could even begin. I know you're going to meet someone someday, and they'll be everything you ever wanted but it just sucks that it's not me. I know this is just some stupid heartbreak and I'll get over it, but right now it just really hurts.