seventeen going under - jeremiah fisher

ch. 3

When I was younger, my mom and Susannah were basically joined at the hip. Before I know Susannah had a real best friend, a person, I was certain my mom was hers just as Jeremiah has always been mine. I woke up to Susannah already in the kitchen with homemade cinnamon rolls or cups of coffee in hand for my mom. I would always beg for my own, jumping up and down in my slippers and singing pretty please over and over again. Susannah would laugh and when my mom wasn't around, she'd let me try hers. At first, I didn't like it. It was black and too strong but over the years, after many small sips, it grew on me. When I turned fifteen, she started bringing me my own.

They did everything together, and in turn, I did everything with the boys. We walked back from the bus stop together when we were in middle school. Jeremiah always carried my backpack whenever I complained too much. Conrad always teased him for it, saying he couldn't believe his little brother was already whipped for a girl at only twelve, but I think he just did it to shut me up and I think Conrad was just jealous no one loved him the way Jeremiah and I loved each other.

My dad and Mr. Fisher were not nearly as close as our moms but sometimes they went golfing together and grabbed a beer. Dad would come stumbling home late at night smelling like cigars adn whisky. Sometimes when all seven of us would have dinner, they'd talk and laugh out on the back patios while they grilled or hovered around the TV talking about football. It all seemed like friendly banter, though. I don't think they were actually friends.

I liked Mr. Fisher. Not as much as I liked Susannah but he's always been nice to me. I always wondered why he didn't spend much time at the summer house but neither did Laurel's husband. My dad always comes. He loves my mom more than anything. When I was fourteen, I asked my dad if he missed having Mr. Fisher around during the summer and all he said was, "why would I miss him when my best friend is here?" That's when I realized I didn't need a boyfriend or a big group of friends, as long as I had Jeremiah.

That was the same year Jeremiah started to play football. He talked all summer about trying out for the team in the fall. I never understood how he could enjoy his summer when he was so focused on the future, but his eyes lit up when he talked about it so how could I not have let him?

We were freshmen in high school and Conrad was already the best player on the team. He spent that summer at a football camp with their dad. That's all I remember. Conrad being gone, Belly moping, Jeremiah gushing. I don't know what he did during football camp, but I know he came back stronger and tanner than he was before.

Jeremiah spent most of that Fall on the bench. I went to every game, though. I sat with Susannah in the bleachers and cheered them both on all night long. Susannah was sick that year - diagnosed with breast cancer. She still came to every game though even if it was too cold. She bundled up with blankets and hats and I always brought her hot chocolate and the two of us were louder than anyone else in the audience, but at every break, I ran down the bleachers and talked to Jeremiah. He never had much to say but he always smiles when he saw me. I think sitting on the bench made him sad, especially when Conrad was on the field, getting praise from everyone including their dad. Mr. Fisher never said much to Jeremiah. He stood on the sideline, yelling at Conrad, cheering him on. He barely glanced at Jeremiah some nights.

"Why are you even on the team if you don't get to play and hate it?" I asked him one Friday night. I was on my bed, a magazine sprawled across the comforter. Jeremiah was sitting on the floor under the window he just climbed through. He was still a little sweaty, not showered yet from the game. He said just sitting there in the gear sometimes was hot enough.

"My dad wanted me to," he said. I looked at him. He had rosy cheeks and was looking down at his lip. "He wants me to be like Conrad. Maybe I'll get more time next year."