seventeen going under - jeremiah fisher

ch. 17

Jeremiah's POV

Yn ran after Conrad with a sense of urgency I don't think I've ever seen from her. In my entire life, I have never known her to move that quickly especially in heels. When she disappeared behind the big double doors, the loud bang of them shutting stunned me. No one seemed to really notice except Mom, who was rightfully concerned about Conrad's quick departure but I reassured her that Yn had it handled. I just didn't know how she had it handled.

I quietly excused myself from the table as they began passing out the dinner. I don't even remember what I ordered, I just told my mom to put down whatever she wanted and she did with an eager smile. The hallway was quiet and I peered into all the open rooms until I heard voices. Two voices talking back and forth in a dialouge that seemed too angry, too resentful, to be my two favorite people. But when I peaked my head around the corner, I saw Conrad with tear rimmed eyes holding Yn's hands between their chests. He looked like he had been pleading with her, about what, I wasn't sure but I was going to find out.

I put my back against the wall next to the door, turning my head so I could hear. "I don't want you both," Yn said, earnestly and honestly. Firm and demanding. She was sure of her words, I felt it in my bones. But what did it mean?

"Don't tell me you don't feel this, too," my brother said. I wished I could see their faces, try to dissect what they were saying based on their expressions and not their voices because their voices made them sound suspicious. Their voices were saying things that I refused to believe. Conrad being in love with Yn wasn't a fact that particularly shocked me. It had never been said aloud, but I could see it when he helped her with her homework really late at night. Those nights when she just got too fed up with my nonsense and ran to Conrad to help her with algebra. He was always better at school than I was, so I never really blamed her. But when Conrad looked at her as she concentrated, I saw that he loved her. When he offered to retrieve her whenever we went out as a threesome, he did it was an eagerness I never really saw from him otherwise. But Yn was always mine. I never really thought I had to worry.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked. "Huh? What's your goal here? To piss me off? To hurt your brother? To ruin this night for your mom?" They all seemed like valid reasons, but none of which I could imagine Conrad was too keen on.

"I don't want to hurt anyone, I just need you to know how I feel," Conrad confessed. I held my breath while he continued. "I have loved you since I was fourteen. You were thirteen, remember? We were in the pool at the summer house and your hair was plastered to your face and you were wearing a polka dot one piece. Steven and Jere threw you in even though you weren't ready and you came up for air, spitting out the water and it hit me in the face because I dove in after you. Remember? I have loved you since then. Can he say that?" There was a long pause. I remember that day. I don't know if Yn remembered it at all, let alone as well as I did. I did love her then, i just didn't know it. Maybe that was my downfall. "Remember I was first."

"No you weren't." She almost cuts him off, a steadiness in her voice. There was no question in how she felt, I just couldn't decipher what they were talking about. First? For what? "I have loved Jeremiah since I was a kid. I've always known it. He's the one." My heart swelled at that, despite whatever else was going to come next. No matter what, that truth will always be there. Lingering in the air.

"He didn't take your virginity, did he?" Conrad spat. I wanted to throw up. Did Conrad? I felt the room spinning. Yn never told me who she lost it to. I assumed it was Elijah. We were too young but she was impressionable at that age. She still is. It's one of my favorite things about her - how easy she is to convince of things. I just never thought of it in a negative way like this before and it made my stomach churn. I knew I wasn't her first kiss nor did I take her virginity, but Conrad taking it was probably the worst thing I could have heard.