fearless/ [L.S]

31

the corpse has a little 'J' carved on to her hips. which also makes an explanation as to why Joseph hasn't been heard of for a while.

Louis shamefully spent the entire crime scene viewing with tears in his eyes that he would rather blame on the cold weather than admit that his heart has an undeniable void in it that can be no longer filled with any sort of words.  his phone has been buzzing through intervals of time but he ignores each try of communication by stuffing his phone in his pocket and resting it on airplane mode. he's not to be blamed, he doesn't feel ready to talk to harry just yet.

he had spent a long shower just stripping himself away from his sadness by letting all his tears run free before he had stopped by the crime scene. his sobs were so frequently and loud that he feared he was going to be deaf by his own cries of sadness. Everytime that flash of terror on Harry's face, when he had confessed, resurfaces in his brain he feels his chest tighten and his brain fog up.

louis' a fucking piece of shit, and an idiot too. is what he is.

its happens when he's working on a few important papers alone in his office. his phone hasn't stopped buzzing against his wooden desk for the past minute so he surrenders and picks it up, hesitantly thumbing at the green button.

"what?" he sighs tiredly. it's been a long eventful day. he viewed a corpse, his partner is missing and he got his heart fucking smashed against the wall by his own stupidness.

"Lou'' Harry's sounds relived when he utters his words. Louis rubs at his eyes dryly when he feels them burn again. "are you okay?"

Louis sucks at his teeth and clears his throat "I'm fine"

the line clears of all words for a few seconds before harry speaks again "can we talk about what happened?"

"I'm busy" he sighs "I'll talk to you later H. after I finish the paperwork"

"lou-"

he hangs up.

he doesn't think he can stand the thought of listening to harry talk to him without him fucking crying like a child. he drops his head on the desk and groans. what the hell possessed him into confessing his undying love for harry today.

a knock on his office door is being placed and Louis jolts, brushing a hand over his face to appear pleasing for the eye before uttering his approval for the person to walk in.

it's Alex. he peaks his head through the door "busy?"

Louis closes the thick , taunting file he has been struggling with "feel free to come in"

Alex makes a sound of gratefulness and steps through the door, running a hand through his hair neatly "did you eat lunch?"

Louis shuts his dry eyes and leans back in his chair "I haven't"

Alex remains silent, before he speaks up again "do you want me to get you anything?"

"No"

Alex sense the feeling of hostility Louis is soaking up in and he murmurs an apology, grabbing the door knob to shut the door on his way out but Louis interrupts "and don't text harry about this. he would've asked if he cared"

the knowing pity on alex's face is clear as his shoulders drop "is it what I think it is?"

"I told him I loved him, he stared at me as if I shot him in the heart." Louis utters and the phrase suddenly makes his chest tighten and eyes itch with the urge to let the tears seep through his skull. he needs Alex to get out of here.

Alex sighs and looks at Louis sternly yet gently "harry does care, Louis. he really does." then he leaves.

                            ***

it's 1:30am when Louis decides to reconnect with Harry for the sake of getting over the entire situation. fairly, harry answers on the first ring.

"hey" he greets with a hint of a smile on his face.

"hi" Louis breath and drops his tired bones on the couch. he's exhausted.  the line remains silent for a few passing second before harry speaks again.

"are you free now? to talk about what happened?"

"I am"

they stay silent for a while and sorrowfully, the silence indicates awkwardness and how their friendship is falling apart.

"I'm sorry"

"it's fine. I should be the one apologizing-"

harry sighs "Louis , I'm sorry."

his heart leaps and his eyes burn with unshed tears when he utters the next phase "it's okay. I love you, you don't love me back. it happens."

"don't say that" harry sternly mumbles.

"No" Louis refused "don't give me hope" he whispers with the taste of his newly shed tears coating his lips.

harry goes to protest but Louis cuts him off "just before I hang up"

"yes?"

he inhales "did it mean anything to you?"

the question shoots straight into silence and Louis can suddenly feel his heart slip when Harry doesn't revive the quietness with an answer that would comfort his heart in the slightest way.

"okay" he mutters into the phone, voice shaky.

"Louis" Harry's voice sounds ashamed with a hint of warning in it yet it still messes with Louis' heart as if he's reading poetry to him.

"I'll see you soon" he hangs up.

he fleets the phone somewhere along the floor and covers his face with his shaking palms, praying to God that his sobs won't resurface again. his shoulders shake with devastation and his eyes bleed poison that numbs his mind.

he needs a drink that's not the taste of the salt of his tears.

he regains  his breath and stands up tiredly, making his way to the alcohol cabinet he has installed in the kitchen. he only uses the cabinet when visitors come over, but this time he uses it for himself. devastation is his visitor after all.

he grabs the vodka bottle with shaky hands and slides down to the kitchen floor carelessly , tipping the cap off and talking his first sip straight out of the bottle.

tastes just like being fucking heartbroken.

he's not sure how many sips or cups it takes him to feel sleepy, but all he remembers is him praying that he doesn't awaken tomorrow.