A Lost Ghost

Chapter 18: Good Enough

   
       I sit on the freezing, dusty floor, staring down at my blood-soaked, throbbing leg. After Volkov and the guard left, I used my ripped pant leg as a tourniquet. Luckily, it's not bleeding anywhere near as bad as it was when I first got shot. I smile at the fact that they seem pretty aggravated. My bloody stitches still lay on the floor. It hurt like a mother getting them pulled out, but by the grace of God, I didn't break. Another two days go by without food or water. I sit on the floor, staring out of that stupid window, staring at the F-18. One of the most disheartening parts of being stuck in here is knowing that I could fly that plane out. My ticket out of this hell hole is literally only a few yards away. So close yet so unattainable. I wonder if Volkov did that on purpose. I wonder if it's a part of the torture. I look over at the door as it opens. The door closes behind Volkov. It's just him. He doesn't say anything at first. He keeps his eyes on the floor as he fiddles with something in his pocket.

"You are strong, Binky," he starts, "stronger than that traitor!"

I assume he's talking about the Russian Friend. I still don't know whether to blame him for Matrix's death. He led the Russians straight to us. If he's done this a thousand times before, why'd he get caught this time? "You're stronger than the American in the next room."

I clench my jaw. Man, I hope Dice is still alive. I haven't heard him scream in a couple of days.

"Stronger than him..."

I look over as something glints in the faint light. My heart sinks. Akio's necklace is coiled around Volkov's chubby fingers. I want to jump up. To rip the necklace off of his fingers, but I don't. I'm worried I'll lose even more blood if I move. I can't help but bend my brows back as my eyes dart between him and the necklace. He chuckles as he opens the locket and stares at the picture. He tisks and shakes his head. "The vultures were having a field day on his body by the time we got to—."

I leap up, ready to strangle him. He yanks his pistol out before I can get far and points it at my forehead. He laughs.

"Finally, some emotion out of you!"

I take in sharp breaths, curling my fingers into tight fists. A fire burns in me. "You tried to protect him, didn't you? Oh, you tried and tried so hard, but you just weren't good enough, were you?"

My heart aches as those words leave his mouth. Those words hurt more than any beating I received.

Not good enough. That seems to be the recurring theme in my life. He takes a few steps closer until he's standing right in front of me. I tower over him, but that doesn't seem to matter much with a gun to my head. "You weren't good enough to bomb this place. You weren't good enough to escape me. You weren't good enough to save Akio Ogawa. And you weren't good enough to save that other American pilot."

He could be talking about Dice, but my mind immediately goes to Matrix. I bite my cheek, feeling the pressure build in my eyes. I absolutely refuse to even let my eyes tear up in front of this dude...and they don't, but he must be able to see the pain in my face. He laughs and tosses the necklace to the ground. "You think you're good enough to survive me?" He laughs and shakes his head. "You are just a child. Do you think you can be like those men of legend? Those stories you've heard and been inspired by?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "Every soldier I have come across has fallen to their knees in front of me...and you will be no different. Whether that is after you break or with a bullet in your head. You fall."

He walks even closer, reaches up, and presses the cold muzzle of the pistol into my forehead. "So...what will it be, American?"

I take in a sharp breath. I think about my Dad...of Mom. They'll never know what happened to me. A small part of me wishes I had taken her calls. An even smaller part of me wishes that I could forgive her. I harden my face and prepare for the end. I say nothing. That smile curls across his face. I see his finger pull back. I close my eyes and flinch as he pulls the trigger. All I hear is the click of an empty gun. I open my eyes and stare at him. He laughs and pulls the gun away.

"Whoops! Look at that! Silly me, I must've forgotten to put the magazine in. But I shall not be making the same mistake tomorrow."

I let out a big sigh of relief and slam my back into the wall, sliding down until I sit. I close my eyes and breathe hard, taking in the fact that I'm not dead. "If you do not give me the answers I want by then...I won't be so forgetful."

He turns, laughing as he walks out the door and closes it behind him. My eyes start to fill with tears. They flick toward Akio's necklace. The tears are blurring my vision, so I can only see it as a glint of metal on the floor. I reach for it and scoop it up in my hands. I blink, letting the hot tears stream down my cold cheek. I open the locket and stare at the picture of him and his girlfriend. She'll never know what happened to him either because there's no way I'm leaving this place alive. I rest my head against the wall, not even trying to stop the tears as they come. I let his necklace slip through my fingers as I grab fistfuls of my hair and sob. This is it. This is the end for me. No more golden hour flights. No more flights at all. Miles Lennox will cease to exist from this world, disappearing into the black abyss with no one knowing where he went or what happened or if he's even still alive. Their minds will constantly try to fill in the blanks, to imagine what happened, but they'll never really know. The same goes for Akio's family. For Dice's family. For Matrix's family. We'll all be nothing more than lost ghosts trapped in the minds of the people we once loved.