May We Meet Again

Forgiving Guilt

The rest of the day is a blur, I can still smell the horrible stench of burning corpses in my nose. Bellamy is worried about me although he doesn't admit it but I can tell by the way he sticks to my side. He suggested that he go into Mount Weather as a spy but I turned the idea down right away stating that I couldn't lose him too. I don't even know why I even said it; maybe I meant it. I hear my name pulling me out of my thoughts. Lexa is making a toast to our new alliance. Kane gave her a bottle of liquor stating that we drink it only on special occasions. I block out most of what she says only getting bits and pieces It's only when Bellamy suddenly knocks the cup from my grasp that I fully register what is happening. Poison. My mind wanders to Raven but even she wouldn't risk our alliance but then again she would do anything for Finn even if it meant risking our alliance. Everyone has risen from their seats and the tables have been pushed away with every grounders weapon drawn. Bellamy quickly jumps in front of me putting his arm out in front pushing me back. "It wasn't us!" No one seems to care Indra is yelling things at the other grounders. Bellamy is suddenly yanked from my side "This wasn't us." I can tell by Lexa's face that there will be no convincing her. "Lexa you have to believe me." Her expression is full of hate and her words cut through me like a knife. I see a figure behind her that makes my heart stop, Finn. "That's not mine!" one of the grounders hands Lexa a vile. "I'm telling you that's not mine!" Lexa looks around the room and I know that no matter what I say nothing is going to change her mind. "No sky person leaves this room."

I don't know how long we have been down here but I can tell that everyone is getting nervous even myself. Raven is bent over most likely trying to calm her nerves. I need to know the truth, the second the words come out she tells me to step back which would normally be my cue to back off but I keep at it. I try again but I am just met with her fist cracking against my face. My mom is by my side in an instant along with Octavia to break up something that might start. "You're the only murderer here!" The second the words come out I am met with the sight of Finn. I don't ignore it this time and I don't care if the others hear me. "Leave me alone." I see Raven give me a strange look "you gave me no choice. Why did you turn yourself in?" My mom moves in front of me blocking my view of Finn. I know she is going to try and comfort me but she is the last person I want to be comforted by. I turn on my heel moving to the other side of the room plopping myself into a chair. Am I going crazy? I just spoke to my dead ex-boyfriend and expected him to say something back. I place my head in my hands wish that this is all a dream and that i'm going to wake up any second. I hear faint whispers from my mom and Kane most likely coming up with a plan to get out of here. "Clarke." Bellamy's boots come into view making me look up "I'm guessing you heard all that." He pulls over one of the chairs setting it in front of me "you mean where you were talking to a ghost? Or when you accused Raven of attempted murder?" I roll my eyes "both I guess." He gives me a small smirk "yeah I heard it. I also heard Raven's fist making contact with your face." I brush a few fingers over the small ache in my cheekbone making me wince "gotta hand it to her she really knows how to hit." Bellamy gives a small laugh leaning forward to tilt my chin up getting a good view of my cheekbone "that's going to bruise." I nod slightly "you think." I guess the look I give him shows how much I am struggling with all of this. He moves his hand down to mine which surprisingly makes me crave his touch more. "You remember when we were down at that bunker and ate those nuts that made us hallucinate?" I nod not quite sure where this is going "you told me that I wasn't a monster that I saved all of us and that you have given me your forgiveness." He runs his thumb over my knuckles as he talks making a slight flutter in my stomach. "What's your point." He shifts a bit in his chair "my point is, you have my forgiveness whenever you need it." He looks down at our hands clearly pondering his next words "and... you have me whenever you need me."

"Bellamy, I don't deserve forgiveness not even from you." I know he doesn't care and that he is going to forgive me anyway but I still don't deserve it or his comfort."

"yeah well you're worth it." He runs his thumb over my knuckles once more "you forget we're not so different my hands aren't exactly clean either." I know he feels somewhat responsible for the many deaths of our people those first few weeks on the ground. "Well in all honesty I rather be more like you then my mom." Bellamy looks over to her who is talking to Kane and making slight glances to us every once in a while. I doubt he meant to but he wraps his hand a bit tighter around mine which makes me feel at ease. But I am soon pulled back into reality "Bellamy, if this alliance doesn't work what then?" He runs a few fingers through his hair "I guess we do what we always do. Survive and do whatever it takes to get our people out." He gives me a small smile of reassurance which makes me feel all the more better. "We'll figure something out Clarke, I promise." I take his word for it because so far he is the only one I know that I can truly trust.