May We Meet Again

The Death Of Us

I guess you don't really think about death until you are staring at it right in the face. When you are looking down the barrel of a gun. Hearing the sound of a gunshot and seeing someone fall right beside you. I've been at the mercy of death so many times I guess you could say that I am immune to its affect. I look to my mom who is desperately trying to save the grounder who took a bullet meant for me. One of the mountain men is already suffering greatly from the amount of radiation that has managed to seep in through his suit. I have half a mind to kill him right here and now but I know that it wouldn't help us if he's dead. My mom yells for blood putting pressure onto the grounders wound. He's not going to make it. Even though my mom doesn't want to admit it she knows it too. She holds his head up telling him to fight but he is too far gone. He lets out a weak sigh and goes limp. Everyone moves away as Indra stands over the body speaking softly your fight is over. She cuts off a lock of his hair grasping it in her hand. She looks to me eyes burning into me soul "a killer lives and a warrior dies. This is your way?" I know that they will never understand why we do the things that we do but right now they just need to accept it. "I'm sorry Indra but he can help us beat Mt Weather."

"Then let me make him talk." We can't torture him even if I want to it would never work. My mom agrees with me making Indra give us a much hated look. "You people are weak." She brushes past the both of us giving the mountain man one last hateful look. "Clarke, you okay." For some reason I feel angry at her for asking me that, like she doesn't have the right to ask. "someone tried to kill you today it's okay to be upset." I bite down on my tongue to keep myself from lashing out at her. "Just another day on the ground." I wince at a sharp pain in my palm, I only then notice that my fingernails are digging into my flesh. The room suddenly feels smaller like the walls are slowly closing in. My mom gives me a worried look as I take in a few sharp breaths. I need Bellamy. I need to hear his voice telling me that everything will be okay when we both know that it's not. "I'll be in engineering waiting for Bellamy to radio." I glance down at the mountain man then back to the floor refusing to return my mother's gaze. "Tell me when he wakes up." I turn quickly on my heel walking out of the room.

I need to know that he is okay. Please be okay. I repeat this over and over in my head as a watch Raven fiddle with the radio. I have been on her case a lot lately and she is getting more and more annoyed. "Any word from Bellamy?" Octavia has also been on edge since both Lincoln and Bellamy left. "Lincoln is still missing. He should be back by now." I can only imagine what is going through her head right now. "They'll be okay."

"your whole plan rests on Bellamy getting in." Raven says unconvinced "he will." The tension between us is becoming unbearable and I can tell that Octavia notices it too. A voice booms over the intercom which gives me the perfect excuse to leave the room which I am thankful for.

Bellamy once said "who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things." I guess that's the only thing I really took to heart from him because he's right. My mom and Kane want to be reasonable as if keeping Emerson alive will be some way of proving that they are not like the mountain men who kill off innocent people. My mom explains to Kane what Jackson found in Emerson's blood. It's started. Jasper, Monty, my friends, Bellamy "they're bleeding my friends" Kane looks to me startled "we don't know that."

"Yes we do. We were genetically engineered they weren't." For all I know they could be dead, all my friends gone. I've lost too many people, too many lives have been lost at the hands of the mountain men. Indra is right there is no point in keeping him alive. He's useless and will give the mountain men a message. We will make an example out of him i'll make sure of it; to show everyone in Mt Weather that we are not weak. They'll pay for what they've done starting with him. I take several fast paces to the airlock button only to crash into Kane's arm. Of course he's going to stop me. "What are you doing?" Like he doesn't know since my next move is all over my face. "Killing him." He keeps his arm in place holding me back. "Get out of my way Kane!" Just the sight of Emerson walking around breathing unlike my friends makes my blood boil. "Calm down." Kane grips my arms tight since he knows i'm going to fight him on this. "Clarke." I turn to my mom who's face is both sincere and stern. "You're not in charge here." I want to laugh at that. Did she make an alliance with the grounders; or was she the one who has kept everyone alive all this time. I hate how she talks down to me she doesn't have the right to do so. My mom keeps her stern tone "we do things my way." Every since she has come to the ground I have looked at her with nothing but hate and this only fuels my hatred towards her. My words come out cold "you sent us down here to die. Kids. You don't have the authority over us or me at least not anymore." I aim those last words at my mother who seems both shocked and hurt. I turn quickly storming out the hall until I reach my own tent. The tears have already started to fall and I let them. I take all my anger out on my bed. No more. No more people are going to be at the mercy of Mt Weather. I'm coming for them I won't stop until they have all payed the price. I can't do this alone. My mother may be the chancellor but she's not in charge and she never will be.