Ten Years Without Love

The First Morning

Dacre's POV

I don't know what time I woke up at... I can't even tell time, so I definitely don't know what time I woke up at... I don't even remember sleeping.... it's strange.
I open my eyes with a small groan. I must have had a bad sleep or something.....
I look over beside me to give Michael a kiss, but then I freeze.
.....Michael isn't there. Where are they??...
Are they already awake? Did I sleep in until like the afternoon and they are already awake and downstairs? Maybe that's why I feel so off and out of it....

I slip out of bed and look over at the closet. I don't have as many clothes here at this house like I do at the cottage, but... that's okay. I don't necessarily need to dress up too fancy right now... I can just throw on a red sweater and some different pants.
I probably don't even need to wear any of my platform boots today... besides, I don't think I even have any here.

I make my way to the closet and open it up.
Yeah, I definitely don't have that many clothes here... and most of my sweaters here are just red, which I am fine with since red is my favourite color to wear anyway.
I grab a sweater that I knitted a few years back a couple of weeks before Sadie was born. It's dark red with a nice pattern I would say... I love to knit, it's really enjoyable actually... and it's something I actually know what to do.

I take off the sweater I was wearing yesterday and I put on the one I just picked out from the closet.
Now I need pants..... but what kind??
I mean, again, I don't think I have shorts here, maybe only a few pairs, but.... pants will do.
I grab a pair of black jeans which have rips almost everywhere in the front, but nowhere near the dangle thing area... which apparently is called a cock because I was told that last night.

I take off the pants I was wearing yesterday and I put on the pair I just chose from the closet.
I don't think I need a belt for these, because these ones aren't that big like my other pairs at the cottage are.

I look at myself in the mirror. I don't...like the way I look. I hate the way I look....
Michael always tells me how I am a beautiful little spider and how I shouldn't say how I hate how I look... but I do.
I hate how different I am. I hate how...unhuman I look... because I am not even a human.
Everything about me just isn't normal.... my eyes... my eyes are what I hate most about my body.
The other things that just aren't normal about me are the black veins all over my body. They are mostly on the sides of my torso and near my stomach. There are also a ton near the front and back of my shoulders, along with down the sides of my legs and near the front and my ankles.
I have so many of these marks because I made this body with my mind.... this isn't just a random dead body I found like that red haired one was.
This is actually me.... a body that I created with my mind.... the human me.
Another thing that isn't normal about me is my voice... and my diet, and how I have no organs and... I'm just not normal.

I need to stop.... I need to stop being so negative to myself. I know Michael wouldn't want me talking about myself like this... and besides, I hate seeing them sad because of me... or just sad in general.

I use a comb to brush my hair.
The other day I was trying to imagine what my hair would look like if I were to use a straightening iron thing on it.... because my hair is curly as fuck and well, I just wanted to try it out.
Michael told me that it's going to be flat... which I didn't fully understand what they meant by that, but anywho...
I am not going to make my hair straight. I know that Michael loves the curls, so I will keep it this way.