𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 {𝐀.𝐁}

Chapter Forty-Six

Austin's POV

The feeling is indescribable.

I couldn't cope with the undying feeling of dread and fear as it blossomed within the depths of my stomach, sinking into an ocean without a clear light to surface.

My breathing is fast paced. Eyes widened with my saliva choking me. I run my hand continuously through my hair as my mind swirls through the fact that Lillith may be gone and I'm a single parent, alone to raise two of our own.

No, that couldn't be the case.

A female nurse has taken both my new born children to run some tests and clean them up so I'm left alone at the door of my Lillith, hoping and pleading. I stand there with so much hope that she'll walk right out and into my arms.

I could hear the doctors muttering words and using their machines. I could even hear the machine Lillith is on, the monitor going tone flat into death. I couldn't bare the fact that she may be gone and that was the sound of it, a painful and sinking feeling settling into the pit my stomach.

My heart races, a sinking feeling settling within the depths of my stomach. I feel myself spin into insanity as I pace up and down the room, hands running through my hair. However, my heart, mind and eyes keep looking back onto her door, just hoping she will walk straight out of the room and into my arms, her home.

The door opens.

Instead, Samantha ambles straight out, eyes trained on me as a solemn look clouds her pale skin. I watch as she walks slowly to me, like in an action movie, walking as she rips her gloves off her petite and pale hands.

It can't be...

"Austin?" She begins, sighing.

Am I left alone?

Baz and Carolina are both in the waiting room waiting for us to come out. My children are both waiting in with the other new born children. And I'm here waiting for my wife to come out of the same room she birthed my beautiful twins.

"Sam. Tell me," I plead. I take a step forward as I feel the tears soak my cheeks. "Tell me she's okay. Tell me she made it out. Please tell me that. Tell me she isn't gone ..." I plead again.

"We tried everything, Austin, but I'm afraid, she's gone," the harsh words stumble from her lips.

The world goes blank. Colour doesn't exist in my world. It's like my world turned back into an empty canvas, the colour stripped away and left bare like it once was before Lillith walked in.

I just watch Sam's face turn into pity. I watch her lips move but words don't have a sound. I watch her eyes have tears but they don't have meaning like mine do.

Because she's the love of my life.

 I feel my legs buckle underneath. I couldn't hold my weight anymore. I couldn't hold all the work I built and pulled into my body as it folds down to the earth. My knees buckle, pulling me to the tiled hospital floor as I sink into oblivion. My hands shake, sweaty as my tears soak my cheeks and white shirt.

My hair is a mess, wild and untamed from all that running through with my hands. It was once tamed and neat for my wedding where I was so happy but now? My wife - my newly wedded wife is ... gone?

I can't comprehend this. I couldn't face the fact that in the blink of an eye, she was gone. How life can spin for the best or for the worst within a blink of an eye.

A piercing scream enters my ears. But what I realise is that it's coming from my own lips. The scream echoes into them, forcing away from my heaving chest as I realise I've been holding this in for while. This was my trigger from all these events that has been happening lately.

"No, Sam, you're lying. You didn't try everything. You didn't try everything!" I repeat loudly as I stand up and hold her hands to plead with her. "It's the 21st century, there must be something you can do. Can't you?" I plead my case to her.

She shakes her head, sighing. "I'm sorry, Austin, but we tried everything. Lillith was allergic and by the time we found the solution, her heart gave out," she says as she holds my hands tightly.

"But no. You're the doctor. Do something about it. Don't you have a masters degree for this?" I shout as I rip my hands away from her and take a step back anxiously.

I watch as her eyebrows raise. "I'm sorry but my master's degree only goes so far. The second someone is gone, I'm in no position to give or take life. I only could do so much," she explains as her voice is soft and gentle, trying to soothe me but it's no use whatsoever. 

"But you have to! She can't just be gone? Like what about our children? Oh, God. The children," they click into my head. "What am I going to do without her? We had our life planned out. She was supposed to be here watching them grow up! We were supposed to grow old together!" I shout as I gesture to myself harshly.

She watches me silently as I continue to have a break down. I couldn't do this alone. I had to take care of myself and my two children alone. I had no idea how I survived before her but I couldn't imagine my life without her. She was my queen who I adored and loved.

I continue to breathe, but it's choking me to the core. I hold my throat as I continue to breathe loudly and frantically. I didn't know what to do, like my heart has been ripped right out. The death of my mother, father and brother didn't hurt this much. I didn't know what to do without her, with the children and how I'm to cope with my own feelings.

"Austin, look at me," Sam begins as she helps me to the floor. She holds me by the left arm. "It's going to be okay, I promise. Take a deep breath," she urges me.

I try, but I'm choked to the core.

"I can't breathe," I choke. "I can't feel myself. I can't feel my body, my heart, my mind. I'm losing it," I whisper the last words. "I'm losing it," I scream as I slouch over, gripping my hair and rocking back and forth like my life depended on it. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go," I whisper as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to pretend this was only a nightmare.

"It's okay, Austin. You're okay," she says as she rubs my back, like a mother figure.

I look into her eyes, tears burning into my eyes. She had the mother vibe to her as her framed glasses hold her green eyes and her semi-wrinkled face tries to smile. I rush into her arms as she holds me tightly, hand rubbing my back as she allows me to sob in her arms.

I bury my face into the crook of her neck as I allow the tears to freely fall. I couldn't take this pain. I couldn't take the unconditional and revolting pain that heaves through my body, threatening to gnaw and rip my body into shreds. Like a piece of me died, like a piece of my heart was ripped from my chest and taken away from me before we even had the chance to live.

She was like a candle burning bright ... but the spark burnt out.

--- 

I'm sobbing BUT IT WILL BE OKAY !!

Surprise next chapter!!