Did I Ever (KimChay SS)

Part 18

Helloooo~~

Hope all are doing well! sorry, I'm so late on this update, had a family emergency, and follow-up exhaustions, so couldn't find time and strength to write. And I didn't imagine i had to write such a long chapter either. But here I am with the next update now...

Hope you'll like it! thanks for waiting

PC - I edited the pic found from google.

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With a heaviness in his heart, Kim stood outside Porchay's room staring at the door, as he continuously kept convincing himself to face whatever may come. Taking a deep breath, Kim stepped into the room only to pause at the door after being greeted with an uncomfortable silence. A strange hollowness began expanding inside him, as he walked into the room. As seconds passed, Kim's ear picked up a low sob sound resonating through the stillness of the room. Feeling his heart sink further, Kim slowly peeked inside the adjacent living room to see another heart-breaking scene...like the one he's seen before...from the same person. Curled up next to the couch, Chay was crying...in fear, like a lost child.

Kim instantly felt something crumble inside him, as both his mind and his eyes began to blur. Unable to unhinge from the sight in front of him, Kim freely let the hot liquid slowly graze his face. He didn't care...he didn't care about his nonchalant, tough guys image... he won't care if anyone saw him weak or saw him bawling his eyes out. Coz what mattered to him, this minute...was the boy in front of him. The most innocent soul he had the privilege of knowing personally. The boy who loved him. The boy whose smile lighted up his world. The boy he began to care for. The boy he hurt. As his mind continuously registered Chay's tears, Kim recollected a voice...Porsche's voice, "Did you make him cry?"

FB*

(the day Kim told Porsche the truth)

Kim froze as the weight of Porsche's words crushed him from the inside. Kim had thought, that he had passed most of Porsche's wrath after knowing the ordeal between him and Chay, which mostly included Porsche almost pouncing onto him in rage. Screaming and cursing at him nonstop. And wanting to kill or disable him for hurting his brother. Most of which was avoided only thanks to Kinn. Yet Kim didn't expect that a simple question would hurt him, more than any of Porsche's anger or the agonizing silence they spent in the last 20 minutes. Kim clenched his teeth, unable to turn away from Porsche's accusing and Kinn's worried eyes. Kinn who could visibly see the pain the question put Kim through, slowly turned to his boyfriend.

"Porsche??" Kinn whispered almost pleading, as the hand that was already on Porsche's shoulder tightened its grip a little. The gesture slightly softened Porsche's stern face and mood. Taking in a deep breath, Porsche leaned back and relaxed on the couch without moving his eyes from Kim, who guiltily stood across them separated by table. "Let me rephrase that! Did he cry for you??" Porsche asked earnestly, confusing the younger Theerapanyakul brothers. Unable to read Porsche's poker face, Kinn stood next to him, worriedly looking between them. As if to aggravate his existing guilt and fear, the vivid memory of Chay wailing in front of his mansion, slipped back into Kim's conscious mind. Kim momentarily closed his eyes, as the weight of the memory began to suffocate him again.

Unable to withstand his silence and hesitation, Porsche sighed pressing his hands together. He closed his eyes while Kinn at his side, felt the air thicken in response to their reactions. "Chay..." Porsche began with a heavy voice. "...he was still a small kid when our parents died..." he paused before glancing at Kinn and Kim, "...when we were told they had died!" he added. Kinn and Kim stood rooted to their place, listening intently. "I always made sure to tell him about them..." Porsche said with a sad smile. "...but I've never seen Chay cry for them...ever...not even when he misses them!" he stated with his eyes still fixed at his hand. "But the first time I returned from a fight...he couldn't stop crying for two days straight, at the sight of me!" Porsche almost chuckled at the memory. Porsche finally looked up at Kim with a small smile, "he said he can't...and won't cry for people, he didn't know or LOVE in person...and he was right, I've never seen him cry for anyone outside of his circle!" Kim watched Porsche as his previous question finally made sense. "So?" Porsche took in a sharp breath, as if he already knew the answer to his question "Did he cry...for YOU?"