Silhouette | Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugou

23 | With You

Katsuki Bakugou

"You doubt me?" Bakugou sibilated.

Yeah, he looks nervous again, Bakugou cerebrated. I bet he asked for confirmation because he doesn't think he's enough for me, he thinks he's a monster for what he's done, or just something self-degrading. Once Todoroki shook his head, Bakugou felt a twinge of pain shoot through his chest when Todoroki stared at the floor.

"Listen, when I'm talking about serious topics, I'm not just pulling shit out of my ass. So, you better be listening now, because I ain't repeating myself..." Pausing, Bakugou's silence amplified the sound of their hearts in their ears. "I love you, Shu. Don't make me regret saying that." With a scowl, Bakugou glanced away as well. "I don't care if you never speak to me, and I don't care if you need to take some days to be in bed. You aren't your problems."

Although Todoroki did not provide a reaction, he gently squeezed Bakugou's hand after a moment.

Funny how just that little motion is enough to make my heart pound with joy, Bakugou realized. I get to know him in a way most definitely don't. Might not be able to recognize his voice and its qualities and tones in different scenarios, but one day, I'll be able to read his physical reactions like a book.

Bakugou deftly traced his fingers between Todoroki's fingers. "What things make you feel uneasy or nervous?" he figured he'd ask.

Todoroki shrugged, and for a few minutes, the room was bathed in warm, sweet silence until he gripped his phone. I don't really know how to describe any of it. I don't like being surrounded by a lot of people. I don't like yelling. You're fine because I know that's just you being you. There's more, but I don't know how to say it.

Bakugou nodded and squeezed Todoroki's hand. "Got it. Good to know. But what do you mean I'm fine because it's me being me?" He canted his head slightly.

Maybe it has something to do with his asshole of a dad, Bakugou surmised, recalling a past conversation with Todoroki. Yeah, now that I think about it, if his dad was such a bitch about controlling his life, he probably got yelled at a lot.

Todoroki's fingers were stationary for a few seconds. I don't really want to talk about it. It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't like remembering the things around it.

Bakugou let out a soft sigh. "Fair enough. Does it involve yer dad, by chance?" His gaze was unwavering as he awaited Todoroki's response.

Slowly and subtly, Todoroki nodded. It's in the past, though. So, what makes you uneasy?

But clearly, it still bothers you, Bakugou thought to himself. You probably repress and suppress a lot, huh? Bet you never got any kind of help, either. God, that's just sad to think about. The more I think about this stuff, the more I wanna know. It's all just speculation, but it'd make so much fucking sense if it were true.

"Hm. I hate being alone for extended periods of time. I like doing shit by myself without anyone telling me what to do, and it used to be my dream to live alone, but after a year of living alone, I was just...in a really shitty place." Bakugou's voice grew softer, tapering into fragile dragonfly wings. "I had friends, but they all thought I never got a break and just didn't have time for them. They painted such a grand picture of me, and I didn't wanna tarnish it." He lifted his chin from unconsciously drifting into a vacant pool of thought. "I've always had a huge ego, and living up to it's just impossible.

"It got hella self-destructive all throughout high school. I wanted to be the greatest at everything I did. And people believed I could do it. It drove me to chase impossible high after impossible high, with each peak getting higher and higher. In some ways, it was good, and it gave me a reason to live, but it was because I just...didn't want to fail to live up to the expectations everyone had. It wasn't because I wanted to improve myself to meet my own dreams. It was because I felt obligated to do it to prove I could do anything to please an audience. Since then, I've gotten way more tame. If you'd met me then, you'd have probably backed the fuck off."