memento mori

14. birthday

OPAL

Back at school on Monday, I can feel that Liv is looking at me differently.

As we walk through the halls holding hands (because that's something we do now, hold hands— it makes my heart buzz) she side-eyes me.

"You don't have to stare. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to do anything."

I feel like I'm stuck, barely able to move, but there I am. There we all are, going about business as usual. It's a testament to the way the world moves on around you, oblivious to your pinprick of an existence.

I hold the events of the previous week tight to my chest, swearing myself to secrecy. Not that anybody really cares about the angry kid who smokes cigarettes and gives them icy glares.

"Yeah, but—"

"Besides," I cut her off with a flourish. "It's your birthday. This day is about you."

"I guess." She sighs.

"Don't sound so enthusiastic," I joke. I want to throw my hands up in the air but that would entail removing my hand from Liv's, which I decline to do just yet. "Are you disappointed that it's your birthday?"

"I don't know. It's just a birthday, feels the same as the other ones before."

I shake my head. "I beg to differ."

"Oh yeah?" Liv meets my eyes, her own glimmering in the overhead lights like ice. "And why is that?"

"Because tonight..." I finally untangle our fingers to better point at her, an awkward sort of finger-gun motion that gives me the urge to punch myself in the face. "I am taking to you out to celebrate. Properly this time, I hope."

My signature half-smile-half-smirk wavers, heart twinging. But if Opal is mad or upset in any way, she doesn't show it. Instead she offers me this small smile that makes me want to curl up on the floor and cry.

"Okay. That sounds good."

Just then, the bell rings. It's tinny and it makes my ears ache and I wish it would just go away.

"See you later!" Liv smiles and then disappears down the hallway to her classroom, leaving me alone in a swarm of people rushing by.

I swear then and there this will be a good birthday for her; it has to be.

••••

We're in the cafe we were supposed to have our first date at, sitting across from each other at a table set for two.

It's so small that our knees are nearly touching under the wooden surface, and I desperately fix my posture to avoid that. She doesn't seem all that phased by it, so I try to pretend like I'm not either. I try to pretend like today isn't one of those days where if someone touched me, I would break down in tears right away.

I tap my leg, starting out slowly at first but then it gets faster and faster and faster until it just sounds ominous. I have half a mind to stop when Liv speaks, which cuts me off anyways.

"I'm glad we finally get to do this."

"Me too." Despite that comment sounding like some sort of backhanded sarcasm from her, I just smile.