OPAL
I sit on a couch, empty plastic cup in hand.
Before me, a group of kids have begun to dance. I have to admit that this music is on the better end of the party music spectrum then some other parties have, and I let the lyrics carry me away.
I begin to feel like I'm in this fog, sitting in this room on this couch but also not quite here at all. My surroundings become unfocused.
"Want to dance?" I snap out of my daze and look over, Liv's eyes sparkling as she stares at me.
"What?" I blink and everything goes back to normal.
"I asked if you wanted to dance." She repeats, looking over at the crowd and then back at me. "I mean you don't have to, but—"
"No!" I don't know what has come over me then, but a grin rises to my lips. "I'd love to."
Liv gets to her feet and extends her hand, and I allow her to pull me up. She doesn't let go of my hand after that, though, and pulls me directly into the middle of the ever-growing assembly.
My hands are on her waist, hers on my shoulders, and we start to sway to the beat. She doesn't seem to care that all eyes might be on us, instead locking her eyes with mine. That helps me try not to care about it too, keeping my eyes on hers and fighting the itch to turn and run.
"You look really nice tonight." Liv is grinning.
"You do too." Because what else are you supposed to say when you receive a compliment? That same awkward little thank you doesn't seem fitting after the first hundred times.
"I'm really glad you came with me tonight." I can hear the smile in Liv's voice, even though my eyes are closed. Why are my eyes closed? When did I do that? When I open them again, Liv is staring at me like there's something more she wants to say.
I wish to say I'm glad to be here too, that I had been feeling so empty earlier, but my head is buzzing and my skin is crawling.
"Can we go outside please? I need some fresh air." Heat rises to my face, room spinning.
"Yeah, okay."
I pull free from Liv's grasp, pushing through the crowd. When I burst out into the night air, I am practically gasping for breath.
"Hey. You good?" Liv places her hand on my shoulder, to which I quickly jerk away.
"Please don't touch me right now! Sorry. Everything's just..." I wave my hands around my head as if that will explain, even though I know it won't.
"I get it." Her voice is so soft I feel like crying. "I understand, really."
Liv keeps her distance then, far enough from me that I'm not feeling quite as buzzy but close enough that I am still aware of her presence. "Do you want to go back to my place?"
I nod, mouth refusing to move. I can't even form it into a smile as any slight form of reassurance.
Once in the passenger seat, hitting my palm into my thigh repeatedly, I close my eyes. "Can you turn off the music, please?" I hear the volume start to lower before vanishing altogether, and then the car hums to life and we start to move.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Just give me a second. I'll be alright."
"Okay." Her voice is meek. I can tell Liv is tip toeing around me.
Those are the patterns we've fallen into— Liv tip toes like I'm something to be afraid of, like I'll explode at any moment, and I reassure her as best I can even when I barely have the energy to. The dynamic falls into secrecy, into repetition, and I have begun to resent it.
Ever since we first met, it's just been various degrees of tip toeing and waiting and making moves before darting back. Just once, I wish one of those moves would stick.
I feel like a completely different person then I was when we met. But then again, I feel exactly the same. I feel just as enamored every time I see Liv, just like the first time when I caught her watching me smoke in the backyard at someone's party. If I hadn't felt so detached, I would have gone up to her.
But I've always been detached, distant.
We pull into her driveway several minutes later, and she quickly runs around the front of the car to open my door. I chuckle.
Right now, I'm down on earth and Liv is right there next to me. I haven't felt so grounded since who knows, and so I entangle my hand with hers.
She stops walking, yanking me back to where she stands.
"Are you okay?" She's asking, although I could be asking her the same question right about now.
"Yeah." I smile. "Everything is good."
For the first time in a while, everything is good. For the first time, maybe I actually mean it.
YOU ARE READING
memento mori
Teen Fiction"remember you'll die," she whispered before taking a drag of her cigarette. at least, i thought, in the end i'll die by your side. •••• after bumping into each other at a party or two, opal and liv - despite al...
