Welcome To The Oneshots

Illinois Headcanon

I made a post on tumblr with a Headcanon and what was supposed to be a mini fic attached. This was not mini

Notes:
I don't have energy for writing now so requests r Gonna be closed until further notice. I'll still post stuff but it'll mostly be like this.
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"So, where is Illinois anyway? After you two got hitched outta nowhere we haven't seen you." Massachusetts asked New York with a cup of Dunkin in his hands. As New York went to reply someone else answered for him.

"I'm right here Massachusetts. Sorry about that by the way." He said before turning to Syracuse who was on his hip, "Go say hi to your uncle baby." He set her down and began his decent after Syracuses mad dash, he heard someone call out his name.

"Illinois, can we talk?" New York called out, only for Illinois to give him a nasty tired glare, and continue downwards. Illinois got down the stairs and gave Mass the 'distant family one arm hug' and walked away.

Mass turned to NY with a look, "What'd you-" he started before New York glared at him in a way that said, 'if you ask, I'll kill you'.

With Illinois in the kitchen, he saw Florida, Texas, and California. The first of which decided to speak first.

"Damn, Illinois- dude you like a M.I.L.F. and I actually mean that!" He said loudly, which got the attention of those in the dining room who were significantly less amused than the said "M.I.L.F." who was standing by the fridge giggling.

"Is that so? Thank you I guess." He said with a smile before turning to Texas and California to say good morning.

"Good morning, California. Texas. How's it going?"

"We're fine," California said for the both of them, " How are you and New York? You both look mad?" He questioned. Illinois face quickly fell, but he answered.

"Im supposed to be acting like he's dead right now y'know. Asking about his well-being kinda kills the retaliation." He retorted.

"You're right, you're right, just know Wisconsin and Indiana are in the front room, so be careful." California warned. Normally Illinois would grimace, but instead a devious smile hatched upon his face.

"Ok then, you know where to find me." He said and walked out.

He walked passed NY and MA and New York tried again, "Illinois-" IL's piercing glare and obvious aggression of course, shut him up, and Illinois continued on his way. He made it into the front room and was given a 'warm welcome' from Wisconsin.

"Well, if it isn't the king of the FIB's, Illinois himself!" Wisconsin greeted. Illinois just looked at him, and almost said something to him before Chicago came downstairs and into the front room.

"Good morning Chicago, how did you sleep?" He said while grabbing her face and inspecting it.

"I slept fine dad." She said. Illinois dramatically grimaced as she spoke.

"Ugh, morning breath! After you eat go brush your teeth, stinky. And your eyes are red! What happened?" He questioned

"Nothing happened dad, my eyes just water when I sleep. And dont call me that!" She protested.

"Alright fine, fine. Go get some food." He said after kissing her cheek. After Chicago left, Illinois turned back to Wisconsin and Indiana, the former looking at him with disdain.

"So. You playin' housewife now eh?"

"Shut up Wisconsin."

"I mean you look the part. Just a shame it's you. All that pretty, wasted on the biggest asshole known to man." Wisconsin said. Illinois offered a smile and started.

"Are you mad that it wasn't you? Is that why everytime I walk into a room you react like I catfished you and took your life savings? Jesus, Cheesehead. That's just sad." Clearly this was not the right thing to say because Wisconsin stood up and grabbed Illinois by the wrists.

"Hey hands off! I know you're a fucking asshole but you know this is too far." Illinois protested.

"So you get to say whatever you want, but when I retaliate it's a problem?"

"YOU started with ME. And if you don't let go I'm going to FINISH you!" Illinois threatened.

"The old you would've fought." Wisconsin said as he reluctantly let go.

"It's eight AM what the fuck do you mean? Like I'm sorry not all of us are alcoholics who start drinking at four!" Illinois shouted. He turned away and stormed through the dining area and up the stairs, cursing Wisconsin to hell. Albany, who came down a bit earlier than Chicago, turned to New York.

"Go talk to him." She said, giving him a look.

"I dont think he wants to talk." He disagreed.

"I think that if you don't, your marriage will fail. Go." She said sternly. He gave her a look, but got up and headed up the stairs after his husband.

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Heres the hc btw
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•While they both have similar frames
•Illinois is a bit more feminine than New York
•Both in body and in the face
•My guy has a verrry fem face when he shaves
•So @/hibiscuslynx drew Illinois once and the way his hair poked out from the skull cap he was wearing inspired this post a little bit
•I have a very comfortable cubs shirt that goes to my mid thigh, right?
•Im giving it to IL for the sake of this headcanon
•Yk my headcanons about IL going practically MIA when he's pissed at New York? One time they were staying over at the statehouse after they had a disagreement (as many hcs as i have abt them arguing it does not happen often.)
•IL wanted to be nice to all the others and show his face, but he was still mad
•So obviously you pretend that whoever pissed you off is dead
•Did not go well
•He came down wearing that shirt, some fuzzy slippers, one his kids on his hip, with his hair down. And underwear ig.
•He got a lot of stares.
•Florida made a comment and New York almost decked him in the face.
•He didn't because Illinois LAUGHED.